My SO and I first got together a year and a half ago. I was 16 and a half and he was 19 at the time. (Iâ€™m now almost 18 and heâ€™s 20.) Things were going well, and then I became pregnant with DS. Both of us were extremely scared, and had but a clue about what to do. I was about to start my junior year of high school and he his sophomore year at a local tech school. After our parents found out I transferred to an online school which has helped me to graduate a year early.
Anyways, after his mother found out she became extremely overjoyed that I was pregnant and was ademant that I kept the baby. I, on the other hand was not so enthusiastic. I really wanted to have an open adoption. I didn't feel ready and had dreams and goals I wanted to accomplish. SO sided with his mom, as she has him wrapped around her finger, and agreed with her. My family was willing to support me but at the time we were struggling financially. His mom owns a business and is moderately wealthy, but said she would not help support the baby financially since it was "our problem". But yet she also said that "No grandchild of mine will EVER be put up for adoption!" She even threatened legal action if I went through with one.
Being vulnerable, scared, and alone (as most of my friends had deserted me after finding out I was pregnant) I gave in. When DS was born tension arose at home, so I moved in with my SO and his mom. Ever since DS has been young I've been doing nearly everything. When school was still in session I was taking double the normal credits, holding down a part time job, caring for DS, and keeping the house clean (they're both slobs). I also exclusively pump and give DS bottles. When I have to pump and DS needs to be watched I have to beg SO to watch him.
Whenever my SO has to watch DS he becomes emotionally unavailable. He usually just lays down in bed on his stomach and turns his head away from DS and faces the wall while he sits there and has no interaction. It constantly kills me. I love my son, but I resent DS for how my life has turned out. Today I broke down when he reacted in his usual way to having to spend a whopping five minutes with DS while I went to the bathroom. I yelled at him and said, â€śFor someone who wanted him so bad you sure donâ€™t act like it now!â€ť I quickly regretted what I said as soon as I saw DS.
Iâ€™m so tired of living like this. I have pretty much no friends left except for my two good friends and my twin sister, and I feel completely led on. While I was pregnant I was told I would be getting so much help from everyone and tricked to believe it would be so easy. Itâ€™s not. Everytime I talk to SO about how I feel he brushes it off like itâ€™s no big deal. Iâ€™m tired of doing everything by myself!
Iâ€™m sorry if this came across as a rant. I really needed to vent someplace. I understand if I get judged for saying such things about my son, and I do realize I made the choice I made is mine to live with, but I feel very robbed of many things.