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Deciding whether to conceive...

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:13 PM
  • 27 Replies
1 mom liked this

My Fiance and I are 19, and we are very seriously considering starting a family.  We are both still in school, and working, and we know that having a child  now would place a lot of stress on us financially, but at the same time we want to have a child so bad.  It's always been a priority for both of us to be young parents, and we've been talking about getting pregnant soon.  It's unconventional to have a baby before we're even married, but honestly, I'm not too concerned about conventionality.  

Any thoughts or advice for me?

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Samantha.Stetka
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:21 PM
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I would do what makes you happy, no matter what anyone says. If you think you can support the child financially and emotionally then I say go for it! The only thing I would think about is, is the person your with. Do you think your going to be with him. Obviously yes since your getting married. LOL. But I think that decision is up to you. I am 16 and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. I wouldn't ever give my child up, and I haven't even met him. Good luck to you!:)

elizabeth306
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:24 PM

Thanks!  Yes, I honestly believe that we are going to last a lifetime together.  He wants a baby just as bad as I do, we're just worried about being too young, or unable to support a baby.  I guess it's just scary to both of us as much as it is exciting. 

Samantha.Stetka
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly? When you feel your child kick you, you will know right away without a doubt that you made the right choice. Nine-teen isnt to young, I would say thats a perfect age. You can always get help financially as well, if it was absolutly needed. Id say go for it:)

Quoting elizabeth306:

Thanks!  Yes, I honestly believe that we are going to last a lifetime together.  He wants a baby just as bad as I do, we're just worried about being too young, or unable to support a baby.  I guess it's just scary to both of us as much as it is exciting. 


elizabeth306
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:32 PM


That's what I'm so excited for.  To feel my child growing inside me, and to hold her/him in my arms for the first time...I just can't get over it.  It's all i want.

Quoting Samantha.Stetka:

Honestly? When you feel your child kick you, you will know right away without a doubt that you made the right choice. Nine-teen isnt to young, I would say thats a perfect age. You can always get help financially as well, if it was absolutly needed. Id say go for it:)

Quoting elizabeth306:

Thanks!  Yes, I honestly believe that we are going to last a lifetime together.  He wants a baby just as bad as I do, we're just worried about being too young, or unable to support a baby.  I guess it's just scary to both of us as much as it is exciting. 




eggznbacon
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

One thing you should really focus on...

- Are you financially stable? If this is a no, DO NOT NOT DO IT. I cannot tell you how stressful it is to have to worry about how your going to afford diapers, or formula (if breastfeeding isn't an option), or clothes, or medicine, or doctor's visits. She's not even here yet, and all those worries engulf my everyday thoughts!


DF and I are 20. We planned our daughter. She's isn't due until March 23rd, and finances are ALL we think about. It takes a toll on our relationship, our activities, our friends. Everything. Our relationship, because well, finances are stressful! No one wants to argue about money or feel like we don't have enough, but that's how it is. Our activities, because every dime goes to baby. We went to a movie last month; it was the first time since BEFORE July 2011(when we started TTC). Our friends, because well, some friends are superficial. I actually just recently had a friend ask me if I wanted to go get ice cream. I told her no. I can't afford to spend money on ice cream when I know my daughter doesn't have everything she needs yet. I told her she was more than welcome to come over. What did she do? I haven't heard from her since, and that was 2 weeks ago. 


It's hard. It's a HUGE change. And it's something to think about. If you decide it's what you want AFTER you think of every possibility, do what you want. I wish you the best of luck!

Samantha.Stetka
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:34 PM

Aww your not the only one! I will bawl my eyes out just thinking about holding him<3 well I would deffinetly do it then! As long as it isn't like a one minute choice thing, and you have actually thought about it:)

Quoting elizabeth306:


That's what I'm so excited for.  To feel my child growing inside me, and to hold her/him in my arms for the first time...I just can't get over it.  It's all i want.

Quoting Samantha.Stetka:

Honestly? When you feel your child kick you, you will know right away without a doubt that you made the right choice. Nine-teen isnt to young, I would say thats a perfect age. You can always get help financially as well, if it was absolutly needed. Id say go for it:)

Quoting elizabeth306:

Thanks!  Yes, I honestly believe that we are going to last a lifetime together.  He wants a baby just as bad as I do, we're just worried about being too young, or unable to support a baby.  I guess it's just scary to both of us as much as it is exciting. 





elizabeth306
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:37 PM

This is EXACTLY what i'm so freaked out about.  I know my parents will be helpful and supportive, but I feel like we just aren't stable enough yet.  I want to be, but it's just not quite there.  I'm still a full time student, and  he's just now starting his career.  Thank you for the insight!  I still have a lot of thinking to do!


Quoting eggznbacon:

One thing you should really focus on...

- Are you financially stable? If this is a no, DO NOT NOT DO IT. I cannot tell you how stressful it is to have to worry about how your going to afford diapers, or formula (if breastfeeding isn't an option), or clothes, or medicine, or doctor's visits. She's not even here yet, and all those worries engulf my everyday thoughts!


DF and I are 20. We planned our daughter. She's isn't due until March 23rd, and finances are ALL we think about. It takes a toll on our relationship, our activities, our friends. Everything. Our relationship, because well, finances are stressful! No one wants to argue about money or feel like we don't have enough, but that's how it is. Our activities, because every dime goes to baby. We went to a movie last month; it was the first time since BEFORE July 2011(when we started TTC). Our friends, because well, some friends are superficial. I actually just recently had a friend ask me if I wanted to go get ice cream. I told her no. I can't afford to spend money on ice cream when I know my daughter doesn't have everything she needs yet. I told her she was more than welcome to come over. What did she do? I haven't heard from her since, and that was 2 weeks ago. 


It's hard. It's a HUGE change. And it's something to think about. If you decide it's what you want AFTER you think of every possibility, do what you want. I wish you the best of luck!



mamalusbear
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:39 PM
1 mom liked this

How much longer do you have until you finish school?  It might be worth it to wait a few more years, save a little money.  If you waited 2-3 years then you could be finished with school and potentially be a bit more financially stable...plus you'll still be a young Mom.

Ciaodarlings
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:41 PM
4 moms liked this
If you're so worried about finances then as a mature (young, in your case) adult you should steer clear of having a baby for the time being. What's the rush? I'm sure you'll still be fertile in your 20s. Finish school first to at least give the baby a fighting chance at a good life.
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Rain2Rinse
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:44 PM
I completely agree.

Quoting Ciaodarlings:

If you're so worried about finances then as a mature (young, in your case) adult you should steer clear of having a baby for the time being. What's the rush? I'm sure you'll still be fertile in your 20s. Finish school first to at least give the baby a fighting chance at a good life.
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