Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Young Moms Young Moms

"Holding my daughter too much" +cosleep?

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:17 PM
  • 24 Replies

Over the course of the past few days, both my SO and his family members have made it a point to tell me that I am holding my daughter too much and that she will ''never be able to be on her own or be held or cared for by anyone else because of me."


Now, let me explain. For one thing, I openly give her to other family members to hold when they visit. Sometimes being passed around like a hot potato makes her upset, and sometimes it doesn't. But she IS exposed to other people.

Another thing...I leave her in the bassinet when I am making myself something to eat or grabbing some dishes or etc etc.

Other than that however...I do hold her quite a bit. And she sleeps next to me in the bed (please, no nasty remarks) with the covers at waist level tucked between the bed, myself and the pack n play, flat on the bottom sheet.

Every time she cries, I pick her up if I am not too busy doing something else. If she is on my lap and cries, I move her to stimulate her in doing something else. I keep her with me on the couch during the day instead of having her sit alone somewhere else, and put her in the bassinet if she cooperates...or if she is upset, I stick her in a papoose to sweep and get the dishes done (which usually has her fall asleep).

I am basically being scolded because when she cries, I ALWAYS do something to try and soothe her instead of ''letting her cry''...and I don't feel like this is wrong? She is my baby. And when she is upset, a part of the inside of me screams out to comfort her, even if I am in another room, in the shower, anywhere. I just think it is natural for me to want to comfort my child...and I don't honestly believe that you can spoil a child by holding her too much...am I wrong?


Since she has been home, it is RARE that she will fall asleep anywhere by herself. She constantly wants to be held by someone, has always kicked her way out of a swaddle and wakes herself crying within a few minutes of being put to sleep in a crib.


Part of the reason I have not changed my habits with her is because she is EBF, and she eats every two hours, on the dot. It is easy to have my baby next to me, I am already completely still on my side. She doesn't have to fully waken or cry for me to sense it and wake up to feed her.


I do want to be able to transfer her to her own bedding when she is perhaps a little older, and able to eat more and sleep for longer periods of time. I feel as though the struggle to put her to sleep and her waking up repeatedly when already eating every two hours (plus the actual TIME for the feeding, burping, changing between those two hours) is not worth it.


I try explaining this to people and I still feel criticized about these points as well as breastfeeding (formula feeding family members on and on...) and other things. I would just like some opinions from other mothers who may have been in similar situations....

CafeMom Tickers
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:17 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
xredstarsx
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:21 PM
2 moms liked this
In my opinion you are doing everything right and what your instincts are telling you to do. You are the mom. Do it your way. You are keeping your baby feeling secure and she will grow to be more independent because of it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KylersMom8-16-7
by Gold Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 9:59 PM
Ignore them. You're doing just fine!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
eds6619
by Emily on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:03 PM

 Its your baby.  Do what you feel is best

Teenmommy1119
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:15 PM
It's your baby, YOUR her mom, your parenting is your own. Personally I think you're doing the right thing :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
NicholeJirik
by Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:29 PM

do whatever you feel is right. i always picked up my daughter when she cried. i didnt have her sleep in my bed with me untell she started having night terrors. but i did have her bassenet and crib right next to my bed. i hope all works out for you :)

KawaiiLila
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:52 PM
You cannot hold a baby "too much". Neither does it "spoil" hem to do so. You are a great momma. Ignore them.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Hanab818
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 2:20 PM
Do what you want with your babies. My kids are 2 and 11 months and I hold them all the time but they really still very independent kids.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MollyJmommy
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 2:25 PM
I did that with my daughter too and she's very friendly and independent at 19 months. She learned that mommy will come help when something is wrong and so she rarely has to throw a fit when something isn't working. You can't spoil a baby they need your love. You're doing great :) but do watch the co sleeping because I cosleep with my daughter and now she thinks my bed is hers and refuses to sleep in her crib lol but she still nursing so it's easier to have her in my bed
pinkiebabii
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 2:27 PM
My son was held 24/7 until he learned to crawl. Now he kicks and fusses because he wants OUT of my arms lol.
Even if she wants to be in your arms for a long time, you won't be carrying her between class in high school so don't worry about it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MrsJoe125
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 3:19 PM
2 moms liked this

I haven't been in the situation of being criticized by family members, but I imagine it is brutal.

I have, however, done "attachment parenting".  That's what you're doing: basically, pick up the baby when she cries, see to her needs immediately, cosleeping (or close sleeping), breastfeeding, etc.; essentially, whatever feels most natural to you.  I did with all four of mine, what you're doing with your LO.  If this is what you believe is best for you and her, then talk to your SO about it and don't worry about anyone else's opinion; they are entitled to them, and you're entitled not to live and die by them.  (them=the opinions of others)

IDK what EBF is.  (Oh, Exclusively BreastFed.  I get it; Idid that too)

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)