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first pregnany first miscarriage

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:48 PM
  • 8 Replies

Yesterday i went to see my doctor because of my extreme mood swings and the fact that ive been on my period for around three weeks now. I figured it was my pill and i just needed a new one or different dosage. 

after listening to all my symptoms she says theres no way to be sure but that shes pretty positive its a miscarriage. Im only 17, im on the pill, how could this have happened?!

me and my boyfriend broke up two weeks ago, but i knew i had to tell him how could i not?

Me and him broke up on pretty good terms, we were still friends and all, but i have no control over my emotions so ive pretty much destroyed any relationship left between us my now. My appointment was in the afternoon and earlier that day we decided on not having anything to do with eachother anymore. i just him a text saying i had just seen my doctor and we needed to talk. he thought i was pregnant, and i guess i was....We talked about it, we both wanted to throw up, its a horrible idea that we were going to have a baby, and its gone now. i guess we dodged a bullet, but we both think it wouldve been better if i was just pregnant because then at least we would have a choice. now all we have is what ifs and whys. he doesnt want to do anything about it right now, hes one of those people who likes to sit on things untill the best answer turns up. But i dont know what to do. I feel like its my fault, i shouldve known or something. I feel like its my fault.. im having surgery in a few weeks so ive spent the last month getting a bunch of xrays and mri's, i didnt know i was pregnant. i wouldnt have had any of those, i wouldnt have kept taking my pill, i feel like this is all my fault. i shouldve know. i feel like i killed my baby. He keeps telling me that everything is alright, im ok, its not my fault. 

But that baby was inside of me, i was supposed to take care of it. I let it down, i betrayed it, its dead and theres nothing i can do. i feel helpless hopeless lost confused heartbroken...

i didnt know it was there, i didnt know it, ill never know it. but i still love it even though its gone and never had a chance. I love it and i wish i couldve given it everything. I feel like i let it down and im sorry. im horrified. ive never really been religious but i hope so much that theres something better on the other side. i hope one day i get to meet the baby i was going to have. and i want it to know im sorry i was a bad mom. and if i could go back and change things i would. i dont care if it would make me a teen mom. if people would judge me. i wouldve kept him, and i would have given him all the love in the world.

i wish there was some way for me to tell it that no matter what i love it, even though we never got the chance to meet, i will always remember it, and ill always love it, and ill always miss it. 

i let it down. i was supposed to take care of it and i couldnt even do that. i feel like no amount of apologies or anything will ever fix this.

i know ill move on but,it hurts so much knowing that it happened. even though theres nothing i can do i wish there was.
i wish i could go back an redo it all, i would give anything to be able to have that baby 

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:48 PM
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Replies (1-8):
BlondeMommy18
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:58 PM
1 mom liked this

First of all HUGS. Your poor girl. I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through and how you are feeling. Second of all, don't beat yourself up. It's natural to feel guilty and to wonder what if what if what if, but only so far. You didn't know you were pregnant so its not your fault. You weren't purposefully doing all those things to harm your child, you had no idea you were even carrying him/her inside of you. Im sorry and i wish there was something I could tell you to make it all better. I will be praying for you:) 

puglove19
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:16 PM

I wouldnt feel guilty. My doctors and ob's have told me that one in four pregnancys end in a miscarriage. It is just something that Mother Nature has in store for people. I always believed everything happened for a reason. In this case, God could see that you and your bf had broken up and maybe this time wasn't the right time for you. Trust me. I've been trying for years, and only recently did I get pregnant with my soulmate. Your time will come.; I am very sorry for your loss though. It all gets better in time. :)

KylersMom8-16-7
by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:05 PM
You have no way of knowing if you were pregnant hun so there's nothing to be guilty about. Even if you were pregnant you didn't do anything wrong.
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m0mmym0nster
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:30 PM

If you have been bleeding for three weeks and any doctor suspecting a miscarriage with common sense would do a internal ultrasound to determine that. No real dr should leave you guessing weather or not you were or were not pregnant its dangerous to leave dead tissue in your body that long so they would've wanted to do a d&c immediately. You seriously need to see a new dr. even if you did miscarry you wouldn't be bleeding for three weeks... Sorry i'm a tech at a women's health clinic and this doesn't sound right at all. For her to say there is no way to be sure is bull. 

Mama_Gleich
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 1:56 AM

You do know that birth control pills cause spontaneous abortions right? 

But, I wouldn't feel guilty. That is why you were on birth control. To prevent a pregnancy. Your pill did exactly what you wanted it to.

dont feel guilty.

Mama_Gleich
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 1:57 AM


Yea! THIS too!!! 

Quoting m0mmym0nster:

If you have been bleeding for three weeks and any doctor suspecting a miscarriage with common sense would do a internal ultrasound to determine that. No real dr should leave you guessing weather or not you were or were not pregnant its dangerous to leave dead tissue in your body that long so they would've wanted to do a d&c immediately. You seriously need to see a new dr. even if you did miscarry you wouldn't be bleeding for three weeks... Sorry i'm a tech at a women's health clinic and this doesn't sound right at all. For her to say there is no way to be sure is bull. 



cemcnair
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 9:29 AM
Hugs!!
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sarasue719
by on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I feel your pain. When I was 16 I found out I was 12 weeks pregnant. I had no idea and had been living a wild and hard life. A few weeks later I lost the baby. I felt terrible b/c how did I not know? I was doing wreckless things and b/c of me, lost my baby.

In the end tho, everything works out for a reason. If that pregnancy had gone thru, I would not have my amazing daughter, never met my husband, or had my son or pregnant now with another! =] My life would have been completely different and I just can't imagine it any other way.

Time will help heal the pain and when the time comes, everything will work out.

feel better

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