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Paternity test!? Help!

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:13 PM
  • 13 Replies

I don't have any intentions of speaking to the father of my child. I'm gonna be 23 weeks & he hasn't done anything. I'm used to the fact that I'm gonna be a single mom doing it on my own for my daughter. I'm finishing school, taking care of myself, looking into insurance, & working my butt off. About a month ago I found out that my ex didn't tell his mom that I'm pregnant. He's 21 & I'm 17. You would think he would be man enough to tell his family just because maybe they want to be apart of my daughter's life. I had to track down my ex's mom's number, call her, tell her, & it didn't go well at all. She just kept defending my ex saying how good he's doing with his (low paying) job, & that he's always happy & talking to some other girl who has a kid already. I called her to let her know that I'm pregnant & that it's her grand child. NOTHING more but I'm gonna protect what's mine & I put her in her place. I have no problem with her being apart of my baby's life. But I WILL NOT be chasing after his family to play a role in her life. If they want to be in her life so bad then they can get a hold of me & I would have no problem letting them know when they can come over & visit her. So a couple of days ago I get a text from my ex's sister saying that if I needed anything to let her know & to keep her updated on the baby. So today, I texted her letting her know that I have a doctors appointment coming up & if her & her mom wanted to go then that would be fine but that my friend (he's a guy & has been there for me through all of this) would be going. I get a call from my ex's mom basically talking bs to me saying how my daughter isn't my ex's & that they want a paternity test. First off I took a pregnant test to prove to them I was pregnant in the way beginning & now they want a paternity test? I have no problem doing that, & letting it hit them in the face that my baby girl is my ex's BUT this is my last straw. I don't want them to be around her at all. I gave them that chance & I don't deserve to be put through this nonsense. They aren't good people. So if I do take a paternity test does that mean they'll have rights to see her whenever they want? & p.s. I don't plan on putting his name on the BC nor have his last name.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
aimlee
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:16 PM
1 mom liked this

he could see her but his parents dont have rights unless they fought for grandparents rights and in the state I live they have to prove they are a good influence and will do something you cant for them. Good luck momma!

jojo_star
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:25 PM

If you take a paternity test, it proves he is the father and he will have a much easier time getting rights to her, if he wants. If you don't take the test, don't him on the birth certificate, and don't give your daughter his last name, he'll have to spend more money and fight more in court to get any rights. But, you also won't be able to file for child support. 

Nicki1995
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:32 PM
1 mom liked this
This. And imo you shouldn't have to prove anything to them!


Quoting jojo_star:

If you take a paternity test, it proves he is the father and he will have a much easier time getting rights to her, if he wants. If you don't take the test, don't him on the birth certificate, and don't give your daughter his last name, he'll have to spend more money and fight more in court to get any rights. But, you also won't be able to file for child support. 


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jojo_star
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:34 PM
1 mom liked this

Agreed, if you don't want money from them, you shouldn't have to prove anything. Now, if you do want child support, that's a different story, but it doesn't sound like you do. 

Quoting Nicki1995:

This. And imo you shouldn't have to prove anything to them!


Quoting jojo_star:

If you take a paternity test, it proves he is the father and he will have a much easier time getting rights to her, if he wants. If you don't take the test, don't him on the birth certificate, and don't give your daughter his last name, he'll have to spend more money and fight more in court to get any rights. But, you also won't be able to file for child support. 



kloesmommy
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:37 PM
Don't ever ask legal advice from this website! Sorry but I've seen so many answer questions regarding family law or child support and they are quite often wrong. What state are you in?
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MarissaFlores
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:52 PM

I want nothing from him, or his family. I haven't once asked for money, all I would tell them is the doctors appointments & not once have they went but his mom & family have in their head that they are gonna be taking her on the weekends. I'm the one who has been doing this all on my own, they have nothing to prove in court. They live in a very small 3 bedroom home, that smells like mold, 11 people live there, & share ONE small bathroom, & barely have hot water + they all smoke & drink all the time! How dare she degrade me & tell me she isn't his. She's a single mom herself & you would think she would knock some sense into her damn 21 year old son to step up but no they disrespect me, defend him, & all she does is baby him. The only reason I let them know the doctors appointments is so that when my daughter is older I don't want her thinking I never tried to include them. But I will protect what's mine. My ex is also on probation so I trust NONE of them to be around her alone. If I don't put him on the BC I will have full rights, right? I know for a fact he won't go to court. He's scared, & doesn't have the money, & if he wanted to be in her life then he would have been acting better from the start.

MarissaFlores
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:55 PM


I live in Arizona. I have been looking into a lot of things. My dad & step mom also work for the gov. & told me if I don't put his name on the BC he will have no rights to her unless he goes to court but I'm just worried that his family will go out of there way to start something. I have also been thinking about moving out of state, changing my number, & only keep in contact with my close friends & family. That's really how much I don't trust my ex's family.

Quoting kloesmommy:

Don't ever ask legal advice from this website! Sorry but I've seen so many answer questions regarding family law or child support and they are quite often wrong. What state are you in?



kloesmommy
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:40 PM
Ok well excluding him from the birth certificate will not stop him if he wants to get legal rights to the child. But it is your choice as to what you put on the birth certificate. Just one thing to remember, if you want child support ever (I'm sure you don't think you will ever want/need anything from him but you don't know what the next 18 years have in store for you) it will take up to 6 months longer before they can even establish an order, than up to 60 days (best case scenario) before you get your first payment. A child support order cannot be established without first establishing paternity. So if you fall on hard times and need help, your looking at at least 8 months before you get ANY help (remember that is best case scenario). Now if he goes out and dies the day after your child is born and parernity was not established, your child won't be eligible for survivors benefits or any other benefits that your child may have otherwise been eligible for. And even if none of this applies now when you guys are young, remember that a lot can change in 18 years. I work in paternity establishment for a very large government agency and I have never once seen a mom regret establishing paternity for her child but every single day I see moms cry about having not established it sooner.


Quoting MarissaFlores:


I live in Arizona. I have been looking into a lot of things. My dad & step mom also work for the gov. & told me if I don't put his name on the BC he will have no rights to her unless he goes to court but I'm just worried that his family will go out of there way to start something. I have also been thinking about moving out of state, changing my number, & only keep in contact with my close friends & family. That's really how much I don't trust my ex's family.


Quoting kloesmommy:

Don't ever ask legal advice from this website! Sorry but I've seen so many answer questions regarding family law or child support and they are quite often wrong. What state are you in?





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cemcnair
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:10 PM
I really don't know, but I think they would have to pay for it and you're probably only obligated to take one if it's court ordered.
I'd talk to a lawyer if possible.
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HyrulianHeroine
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:56 PM

well hell how rude of him. if he really doesn't believe you and is putting you through all that i would tell him f.ck you and send him a nice little letter in the mail after baby showing the "you are the father" results and a little child support to go along with that :P

ugh men.

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