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Step-parenting

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 12:00 PM
  • 5 Replies

I am currently dating a guy that has 2 children from a previous marriage.  They are 14 and 16.  I haven't met them yet and am very nervous about doing so.  I've voiced my concerns to him and he assures me that they'll love me because he does and that no matter what he won't stand for any disrespect.  But being a child of divorced parents myself I know that it doesn't always work that way.


My biological father introduced my sister and I to our new step-mom and brothers and sister on my 9th b-day.  I knew nothing of them until we go to a house I didn't know and walked inside and were told that this was our new family.  It sucked!  And to this day I dispise them, not just for that but it certainly didn't start things out on a good note.


I don't want my possible future step-children to feel that way about me.  I know that I just have to tred the water lightly, but I also have an impressionable child, being she's only 8.5 months old.  And Shawn and I have discussed having another child together.  I want to give them the opportunity to ask me any questions that they want and be completely open about who I am, but is that the best way?  I know they say honesty is the best policy, but I'm concerned about being considered more of a friend.  I want to present a united front towards them and let them know that we can be friends but that we're also not to be played against one another.  I have so many questions of my own before I can handle being asked questions by them for fear of answering incorrectly.


So please any step-parents, non step-parents, whoever wants to share, please give me some ideas and help ease my mind and my heart.  Thanks.



baby

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by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 12:00 PM
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Replies (1-5):
CaliMama88
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 12:12 PM
I think its good that you are meeting them before you guys get married or anything like that. My dad was cheating on my mom while they were married and even though i was only 4 i knew it. And then when they divorced, one summer he picked me up to go visit my grandparents and he said here is your new mom. Thats not a good way to start things off. Her and I never got along i was young and one day i asked if i could call her mom and she said hell no. To this day we dont get along the reason why ( i think) is because i was a reminder of what my dad had before her. Just try to remember that they are probally bitter about the divorce and dont rush them into anything. But you have to find the line between friend and parent. As long as you try then i think you will do great.
newmom618
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 12:30 PM
I am a step mom to a wonderful 8 year old boy who I wouldn't trade for anything. He was 3 when his father and I started dating. Teenagers are a little different but I think if you are open and honest with them you will have a great relationship. Everybody just needs to know where they stand and definitely do not get married to their father before getting to know his children. Hope this helps.
Mrs.Barden29107
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 12:31 PM

Hi. My name is Brittany.I am 21. I have 3 stepchildren, 2 girls aged 17 &13, 1 boy age 15. My stepson lives with us, so we definately have our ups and downs everyday. The 17 year old is due any day with her 1st child. The 13 year old just started spending time with us. My husband and I have 2 children together. But for the past 3 1/2 years, his ex-wife and kids have made our life a living nightmare. My advise would be to accept them, and hope they are not rude towards you or your children by their father. I try not to offer advise or help them with any of their  problems, unless their mother approves of it. Everytime we buy things for the children, or try to take them anywhere we are critisized for doing something nice for them. Take things slow and see just how much they approve before putting your heart in them, because if they hurt you or your children, that is only going to hurt your marriage.

aaapril
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 1:02 PM
I am a step mom of 3 girls 8, 10, and 11 The oldest are fine with me but the yougest doesnt like me very much. Its hard but they also dont live with us they live with there grandparents (moms parents) We get them all the time but the littlest does anything and everything to get into trouble. Also they didnt even meet me untill after we were married. So that didnt help any.
missala4
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 1:12 PM
Hey, I have a seven yr old step daughter.  Everything has been fine until now,  she won't listen to anything I tell her and lies a lot. My boys are seven and five.  They were five and three when we got married, and from the get go they didn't like the new arrangement and made it very hard on my husband.  I'll tell you the best thing you can do is go into this with a postive attitude and be a friend.  Don't be a kissy  to you bf right now in front of them.  I don't know how old you are and how old you bf is but if he's a lot older the 16yr old may be a brat about it.  They are in their teens so unless they are just amazing kids, it will most likely be a hard road.  My mom and dad (step) got married when I was eleven and I was so happy.  But his daughters were not, they were like 15 and 17 I think and it was not easy for a long time.  They don't call my mom, mom but they do love her and respect her.  We all get along great now.  Be a friend for awhile and slowly start to be a parent.  If you are serious about getting married then that is what I think, hope this helps.

Melissa
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