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I need help!

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:06 PM
  • 10 Replies

So we went camping for my husbands birthday this weekend.  We had so much fun but i kept noticing that we were acting different than all the other couples. Everyone else was all cuddly and loving on eachother and we were like on opposite sides of the fir all night and just not close at all. I am not saying i want to be showing a bunch of PDA's but i would like SOME affection.
My one friend asked her husband (of 2 months) if he would make her a smore. His reply was " i would love to" as he stoped what he was doing and proceded over to the marshmellows. I had later decided to ask my husband the same question. His response was " yeah, but hold on a sec" and it took him over 5 minutes to finally start. he acted discustted at the chore the whole time.

Now i know it was just one little question but it got me thinking.  From then on i was watching everyone the rest of the weekend and i really think their is something wrong with our relationship. We are never relly all that cuddly anymore and it is starting to worry me. All we do is fight and never "Make love" either. its always" can we sex?" and we do it and go to sleep. It's not loving and it takes all of maybe 5 minutes and thats only if it has been a while since we last did it.
 

We are the only ones of all our friends that have a child and we have been married the longest. BUT...we havent been together the longest. My girlfriend and her fionce' have been together for almost 6 years and they are still as close and happy as they were the first week of being together.

I just want to be like we were in the begining of our reltionship. I mean i know that random sex in the middle of the day on our kitchen table isnt going to happen (not like that actually ever happened b4 the baby) but i do want him to show me he appreciates me and wants to be aroud me. All we ever do is fight about money and the house being dirty. And all he ever wants to do is go out with his friends or play his computer games all by himself. I just dont know what to do.

Should i even bring this up to my husband and if i do how do i say it without him thinking i want to get a divorce?!?!

I just need help!Any advice would be much appreciated!

*~*Katie Kuhn*~*

by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Familyof3
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:13 PM
HI.. i feel the same way... wait, a lil different... here is the thing, ahmed and i  have been together 3 years.. minus my pregnancy (i left him), anyway, we arent the same (we only been married for 3 months) and ALREADY its not the same. this is my first, his 2nd marriage. this is bad, i feel unloved, unhappy, but the thought of leaving him makes me throw up. im serious. have you tried to initiate the cuddeling? maybe all he needs is a hint lol i actually sat down w/ my husband and told him how i feel and he said he doesnt have to do these things anymore bc we're married now.. he is a flippin'--- ok i dont want to curse him bc he is a good man but sometimes he acts like a fuckin MAN and he makes me angry lol anyway, i think u should try to initiate it, and if that dont work, then talk to him. i am sure all he needs is a good talking to. mine is different bc he isnt american so they do things differently .. lol bunch of bastards lol
Lukiesmom
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:13 PM
my hubby and I arent really cuddly as much etheir anymore. I dont really mind though. I think you should definatly talk to him about it. When I feel neglected I tslk to him about it and try to be nice and make him feel guilty about not appreciating me.  He always gets at least somewhat better. I think all married couples fight but you shouldn't feel upset all the time.

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MommyA85
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:20 PM
I'm going through this too. I want to send you to this website that's helping me mend my marriage: MortFertel@MarriageMax.com

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stephanie021
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:22 PM

Quoting Lukiesmom:

my hubby and I arent really cuddly as much etheir anymore. I dont really mind though. I think you should definatly talk to him about it. When I feel neglected I tslk to him about it and try to be nice and make him feel guilty about not appreciating me.  He always gets at least somewhat better. I think all married couples fight but you shouldn't feel upset all the time.

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that is exactly how i feel. i dont mind the non cuddlyness but if he is neglecting me i tell him in a nice way but still makes him feel guilty. lol.


Mommee_Fischer
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:28 PM

Okay, keep an open mind!  I have two kiddos now..2 yo and 5 mo.  I've been with my DH for 3 years but only married last year November! Anywho.  I left him 2 times after our first was born.  Kids change things sometimes a little and sometimes a lot.  While I was preg for the first 4 months he still wanted to party hard and go out with friends til late hours while I lay up in the bed sick...that was the first FU and then he slowly started to straighten up after buying a house and blah blah....after my daughter was born it was great for like the first month maybe, he didn't help much but he was supportive!  I believe she was 3 months when we first split...before the initial split we didn't sit by each other and were I guess just not connecting the same and didn't really talk much! 
POINT** Sometimes it's harder for the guys to change, and adjust to having a baby.  It took my DH a little while to completely straighten up and become a full on family man BUT he's there now...he doesn't do diapers or anything like that lol and he still goes out with friends 1 night a week and now we made a family day...we try to cuddle and watch movies if we can but sometimes it doesn't happen and that is okay.  I don't think anything is completely sour about your relationship, it just takes time and as long as you have the patience and are willing to work through this you guys will be in a better place soon.
I find that sometimes the DHs reactions aren't what we like when we tell them how we are feeling but I do believe it is best to still do it...just keep it on a level of nonseriousness..just meaning so he doesn't think divorce talk just be like "Honey...I've been pretty bummed lately..blah blah have you noticed how we don't do blah blah anymore etc" BTW my DH was detached sometimes in front of other couples at first after the baby because I think he didn't want to look whipped and tied down...he didn't want to seem that different then the others, but again this is something they grow out of!! Good luck mama, just hold strong!

We a

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KimberlyCorbin
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:31 PM
Wow...it was so crazy reaing your post because my life was almost exactly the same way about 2 months ago, we were distant, weren't having sex, had friends being all cuddly around us but we weren't fights over the house being dirty,  I mean really really similar. He told me the sex thing was because he wanted me to initiate it more, so maybe try that. the distance thing I think you should just talk about with him, abbout how its making you feel...and if he doesn't care then tell him he has to : ). I don't know if the house cleaning is all up to you (it is for me) but um i'm sorry to say but i think the only way to fix that problem is to do....sucks I know, but for me no matter how much else i have going on, he just doesn't get that the house can't always be spotless. I dont know if I have helped or maybe just made you feel less alone with this problem but  either way good luck
Mommee_Fischer
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:32 PM
Sorry it cut me off....I was gonna close by saying
We all know that marriage is no picnic....it takes time and hard work!! It's worth it though!
chillinmommy
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 10:37 PM
i have the same problem ect we only have sex no cuddle nothing romantic it sux but we dont talk we argue and when we are happy it is fine but i miss him when he into his game so i try to get into what he is into
LNMallory317
by on Jul. 24, 2007 at 11:39 PM
Me and my boyfriend have only been together for 5 months and i can already relate.. haha but we're serious we've been through the whole relationship stuff and know what we want and we obviously want each other.. i know it will change once i finally tell him i love him which im too scared to. BUT it made me laugh a little bit in your story ebcause your friend asked her husband to make her a smore and then he did right away adn you asked yours and he said yea hold a sec.. its like a comedy show.. but it wasnt funny other than that and i dont mean to laugh like any way that is horrible towards your situation.

I think that yall should just have a vacation together for a whole week or something without children adn really focus on yall two and the romance and passion that used to burn. Even tryin new stuff like new lingerie.. and a romantic dinner between just yall even if its grilled cheese in the candle light.. and just really have a night of romance and passion with new lingerie for you like i said and clean sheets on the bed that smell fresh and candles burning in the room to set the mood.. then the next day do something very exciting that you both love to do or have never done before but would love to try.. it really brings the sparks back.. one of my friends and her husband went through pretty much what you did and they went on a vacation together and they sometimes do the vacation together once a year but sometimes they just get a sitter for over night and relive the passion all over again..

even the littlist things mean the most.. like leaving a i love you note in his lunch box for work or something along those lines.. but just short simple little notes to let him know that he's the one and he's your special thing..


sorry so long!




Sidney24
by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 7:40 AM
I know how you feel me and my hubby and still going through this though it's getting better, we both cheated and that's when I realized that our marriage of almost 5 yrs was rocky.  We got past the cheating and things are getting better but I try to have my hubby at least do foreplay but that's very scarse and few inbetween we do the 5min thing and roll over but at least we cuddle and talk a bit talking in a relationship is Key cause if there's no talking then someone is holding something in and will explode. My hubby he is the sweetest and most loving person that I'd ever met even to this day.  We're working on it and I've got high hopes but I wish you good luck b/c some guys are just really hard headed maybe you should try writing how you feel on paper and handing it to him, if ya make a scene it'll only embarress him and make him clam up even more.gl
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