Hello ladies i have adopted my youngest daughter. She is three now. I want to start trying to bring it up. But how do i when she is only 3? I don't want her to know who it is yet because the birth mom is my sister in law. Or should i tell her who it is so it's not a big surprise when we do tell her? She does live close by but we do not see her often. Please if anyone has any advice please i would love to hear it. Thank you for your time.
As an adoptive mom, my best advice is start right now making her adoption a part of the story about how you created a beautiful family. And do it from this moment on! A great place to start is by reading a children's story about adoptoin. From the moment we brought our son home from the hospital, I started by talking to him and telling him how lucky I felt to be his mommy and that I am so happy that his birthmom took such good care of him while he was in her tummy. I told him that from the moment we found out that we were going to be his mommy and daddy, we knew God brought his birthmom and us together so that we could be a family. We would read, "Tell Me Again About the Night I was Born" and I just edited the story a bit so it fit our situation a little better. There are so many wonderful story books written for children about adoption. There is an new book out written by a birthmother (Kelsey Stewart), for children, called, "The Best for You." Making her adoption normal...making it joyous...making it beautiful. Talking about how wonderful it is that families are created in so many different ways. But, the one thing they all have in common is that they were created by love. Adoption is a wonderful way to create and build a family and if you are proud of it, they will also be proud. I can promise you that talking about adoption is really easy when you are honest and open from day one. You shouldn't have any fear about begin honest with your children. The longer you wait...the harder it will be. You don't want your children to ever say to you..."why did you lie to me? Why didn't you tell me?" That would be devastating for a child and as a parent, it would break my heart to hear. Let go of any fear you may have and let it all be about love and joy and a true blessing - your little girl!
Heather, Kevin, and Austin Too!
For more information on our family, please visit us anytime at http://www.wardfamilyadoption.com or call our home (toll free) 1-866-267-2469.
This is an old post but absolutely start telling her now. At her age, you tell her that she grew in Aunt ___'s tummy and now you are her mommy. We have an open adoption and my daughter has a birth sister who is 4, and when we went to visit she had a pretty clear grasp of it. She told us how our baby grew in her mommy, and now I'm her mommy, and she lives at our house. With little ones, they may not completely understand, but if you give them the facts, they'll figure it all out as they grow up.
Especially if it's a close relative, i think it is important that she know now, rather than grow up knowingi that person and finding out later.
I highly recommend making a life book. It can be very simple (like ours; I'm not crafty) - it just needs to tell the story of her birth family and how she came to be with you, with age appropriate terms and information. You can read this together as often as she wants to. My kids like to hear theirs quite frequently. A 3-year-old isn't really going to understand everything, but that's OK... you are building a foundation that will be added to as she gets older. When you start doing it early, the information becomes a normal part of their lives, and their isn't a shocking and debilitating "moment of truth" later on.
My favorite resource for making life books is Beth O'Malley, who is a licensed social worker, adoptive mom, and was herself adopted. Her web site is http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/
Good luck!
we just started talking about her "tummy Mummy" who carried her in her belly for Mommy. She may not get it but at least you are introducing the concept. Its the perfect time IMO because they are just learing about babys and the whole in the belly business. I chose not to tell her who did carry her, however if she asks outright I dont think I can lie.My daughter is 5 and I am sure before too long I will be asked.
Looking for suggestions with kids (PIOG)
- jenngv2
on Oct. 20, 2009 at 5:17 PM