Stupid Things People Say

[jamie_OB]

Hello!

I hate to start off on a negative note, but I need to vent!

I went to get my hair done last night and I shared my adoption story with my hairdresser and another woman.

While my color was processing, we began talking about travel and summer vacations. I made a comment that our son hates the car, and he cries when we drive anywhere. The other woman replied... "Maybe he knows you aren't his biological mother."

I was blown away by how ignorant this sounded. My son is 4 months old and we have been with him since he was 48 hours old.

Has anyone else had to deal with hurtful comments like this?

Jamie

www.thetruthaboutunicorns.com

[twobutterflys]

Yep! You are only at the beginning of a journey of crazy things people say. A lesson learned from sharing my story too many times, is you never know how the people around you will react and they often times have "media or TV ideas" of adoption. You are in the place of joy right now and it really takes you back when these things happen. As hard as it is try and share you story with people who are very close to you. I held my twins girls minutes after they were born, and we look like a international adoption instead of a domestic adoption. So... in the outside worlds eyes, my girls are from a different country, were abandoned, orphans, and much more. Your child is young, but wait until they are of an age where they begin asking why these complete stranger ask such odd questions. Once in a bank a lady yelled across the room questions, in Washington DC while traveling we counted one morning over a dozen people who stopped us and asked questions. (We wanted T-shirt to say we aren't a tourist attraction. IN a grocery store I had a cashier say loudly...who could girls up such beautiful girls. So protect that sweet little babe, and realize you will have to educate many people in your life.

[jamie_OB]

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. It is helpful to know that I'm not alone. I agree with you and I appreciate the way you have dealt with this with your family.

~Jamie

[lilylucy7]

One of my girls is biracial and the other is blond with blue eyes. Often people will look at my husband like "ya buddy we know what your wife has been up too!"

People think they have free right to say stupid and often nosy things as soon as they find your kids are adopted. Sorry you are being subjected to it so early!!

[MommaLyon]

One day I was as the pharmacy with my daughter who is biracial.  We were both sick and I had to pick up our medicine and I will admit, we both were looking less than glam that day.....a lady and her daughter, about the same age as us walked by and I heard her daughter say   "Mommy,  why is that ladies hair such a mess?"  The ever so pristine woman said through her perfectly lipsticked lips " Honey, what do you expect from a ni$$er-lover!".  Luckly, my daughter did not hear and is too young and not accustomed to that language, so she would not have been offended.  But I was highly offended, angry and shaking.  Had I not had my daughter with me I think I would have made a scene, as is my nature.  That was perhaps the worst thing I have had said to me.  Usually, I get "Are they really all yours?" or "Are they triplets" mind you, one is biracial, one is latino and the other so caucasian he is see-thru.  I don't think people really mean to be rude ALL the time......but sometimes, its a real pain!!!

[SalBac]

Unfortunately, you're not alone. I've lost track of the comments we've gotten. I dedicated a chapter in my book (just finished, yay!) to this topic, but I ended up cutting it out b/c I sounded bitter. The one that still burns in my heart is when a man commented about our daughter who was 12 months at the time and said, "She seems perfectly normal in spite of being adopted." The man was my father.

I think it's important to teach our kids how to handle rude comments (as they get older), and even more important, to teach them they don't owe anybody any explanations or information about their private lives. When people rudely ask, "How much did she/he cost?" my kids always hear me ask, "How much do you weigh?" Guaranteed conversation stopper!

[SalBac]

MommaLyon - I feel sick after reading your post. Thank goodness your daughter is too young to understand. What a heart break.

[rachaelcbw]

We just "got" our new baby girl, she is African-American, we are Caucasian, and we have a biological son who is also "see-through" (I love that!). As of yet we have not had to deal with any stupid people, just a few odd looks. I truly hope that I don't have to deal with anything like that anytime soon, but I know it will happen. Reading this has helped me feel more "prepared", I guess. When it does, I know I have "friends" who will understand! Thank you for sharing.

[jamie_OB]

Hi Ladies, I feel so grateful to have an "online community" where we can share and be honest with one another. I am so disgusted by many of the comments that you all have had to deal with.

I can't promise I would have handled those situations very well. When will people realize that they should mind there own business?

Thank you for your responses.

Jamie