Will this ever get easier?

[ljt]

It has been 1 1/2 years that my mother passed away and am wondering if anyone has any words of advice. It still hurts and  my family is still having problems adjusting. We are in counseling already. My husband put it very plainly, "Part of us is missing and we don't know what to do to fix it. It isn't like a broken plate that can be replaced."  We are not close to his family and moved back here to be by my mother and his family and  now it seems like there is no reason to be here. We were making a life for ourselves but that has come to a halt, now we just go through the motions.  Any advice?

[LuvMyBellaGirl]

In a word, YES.  I can tell you that as time passes by, it DOES get easier to deal with your loss and grief.  I don't think they ever completely go away, because I'm heading towards year number 6 without my mom, and I still have my bad days and moments where I cry for seemingly small things....but time really does start to heal that ache that you think will be with you forever after your mom's gone.  I tell everyone that if "I" can get through this loss and still be a whole, functioning person at the end of it, then ANYONE can get through it!  I really was in the darkest state of depression after losing my mom.  She was my world, and I couldn't fathom living the rest of my life without her for many, many months, heck---for YEARS even.....not even for my children when they needed me the most.  I was simply unable to cope with a life without her, and unwilling to even try to attempt living a new life.  But, as someone else said here recently, you just put one foot in front of the other, you keep moving, time keeps passing, you keep breathing, you try to keep busy raising your family, tending to things that have to get done.  And before you know it, you've made it a couple of years, three years, then four....and you wonder later---How did you make it through all of that?  Something about the passage of time heals some of the holes left behind, they start to close over, never completely....but enough so that you can begin to smile again, enough so that you're not just going through the motions of life anymore, but actually LIVING life again. 

You're in that "What do I do now?" phase of the grief.  You're probably not constantly crying anymore, but you're not completely numb yet, either.  You're in between stages and you don't know what is coming next.  I understand completely.  Go with the flow, feel what you need to feel to get through this, and talk about your feelings.  It sounds like you have a great, supportive husband who really understands what you're going through---that's wonderful!  Open up with him.  I did the opposite, and closed myself off from everyone, completely.  Even my husband, who I needed more than ever.  Don't do that!  People will be there for you, will try to carry some of your burden in tough times....let them!  Don't be afraid to ask for what you need, they don't always know how to be helpful to you.  Let yourself accept the support that you need and deserve right now.

[Bearsjen]

 I explain it this way, when my mom died, it was like the color shifted in the world...everything is still there, in its place, but the colors are less vibrant, less clear... if that makes any sense.Does it get better yes, because you learn to cope more and more...plus its human nature to forget great pain...such as death and childbirth. If we didnt forget slightly the intensity...humans would slowly(or quickly) die out...

does it get better? it gets ...different...sorry for your loss and  we hear you, we understand.(hugs)

[cricketdawn81]

It does get easier but in saying that, I must tell you that my mom has been gone close to 10 years.  There are still days where I sit and cry because I miss her so bad.  It never stops hurting but in time you will find yourself smiling instead of crying about certain things and know that in all your moments, good or bad, your mom is there with you holding your hand.

[ljt]

I must apologize as I posted on here a while back thanking everyone for their comments and I must have not hit the right tab. The days are still going by and some are better than others. With the holidays coming up we will just be doing baby steps and starting new tradiotions. Thank you again for your help. God Bless!

[Bearsjen]

Quoting ljt:

I must apologize as I posted on here a while back thanking everyone for their comments and I must have not hit the right tab. The days are still going by and some are better than others. With the holidays coming up we will just be doing baby steps and starting new tradiotions. Thank you again for your help. God Bless!

TY so much for coming back to check in. We worry when someone is in great pain and then...nothing. lol I miss the reply button all the time and will come back and think "Oh Sh!t!" the new traditions is a great idea,and come around the group because I know last yr, the advice I found here really helped me alot.take care hon, and god bless you as well.

[gmarose]

h I could tell you it gets easier. It is so hard when you loose your Mom . My Mother has been gone for 14 years now I still want to grab the phone and call her. we also lost a grandson in 2005  he was 5yrs old.  I still wake up thinking I need to check on him (he was a special needs child)  . the pain is always there. It is like ", sore that has scabbed over and won't heal  some days you pick at it it does nothing other days it bleeds forever" that is what was told to me  by a friend who lost her daughter to a car accident . It is the truth. what has helped me is that I have a journal for my Mom and grandson. i write poems and letters to them in it. I have written letters to my Mom  telling her things I wanted to say or need to tell her even now. I wish I had a miracle saying that would take away the pain and emptiness that you feel. I feel it everyday even now sometimes a smell will remind me of My Mom (lavender soap particularly English Lavender by Yardley) I am a cashier at Walgreens and when that soap comes through I get a flash of Moma! some memories are great some are hurtfilled. Try to remmeber the best times most. You do learn to live with it but it never leaves you entirely. Grief counseling is good . try to write a journal of letters to your Mom . Just for you noone else needs to read it but you maight enjoy it later. I write things that happened when I was younger and memories of her as well as letters to her. My Grandson is always with me he was and is our Angel. i know he is with my mOm and they are now our guardian Angels. good luck my prayers are with you . time  will make it easier but you will always have that feeling of loss, it is how you choose to deal with it that will make it better.

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