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Happy Holidays!!!

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:32 AM
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8 months ago today.

I didn't really expect the Holidays to be this hard for me. My mom always hated Christmas. She hated the shopping and the crowds. She hated having to pretend to be happy. (she suffered from chronic depression). But as the Holidays fast approach i find that there is a dark cloud that seems to follow me. ...I just miss my mommy.

I'm having some inner struggles tho. My DH (who is in the military and currently in Germany) will be home for 3 weeks, starting on the 18th. Our first married year together he was in Iraq, so this will be our first REAL Christmas together. I am so excited. I've been waiting sense last year to have a Christmas with my small family. ...But with this cloud hanging over me i don't think i'm going to get the Christmas i've invisioned.

Damn mixed feelings. It would be nice if i only had one feeling. Even if it was sadness, because then i'd at least know what to expect of myself.

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This is Bunny. Copy and paste him into your signature to help him gain world domination. I'm an alternative healing, less extreme AP, non-vaccinating, spiritually open minded, crunchy, scrapbooking, Pagan, mom to two unique little boys and a loving wife to my outstanding Army soldier. 

by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 11:32 AM
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Replies (1-2):
LuvMyBellaGirl
by on Dec. 17, 2009 at 1:54 PM

You know, the media and all the made for tv movies make us envision these warm, quaint, perfect Christmas moments....and very rarely does it EVER happen the way we are taught to envision it!  Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you feel.  You've been through a lot.  Don't set your expectations so high that you can't reach them.  Just plan a nice meal for your little family and try to enjoy the moments you have with them.  I know how hard it is while you're still grieving for your mom.  Just take it all in one moment at a time....

 

Bearsjen
by Group Admin on Dec. 17, 2009 at 3:18 PM

ever really watched kids at christmas? 2 things happen, 1. they have expectations...the gifts, santa coming...but then something takes over and carries the rest of their day...no expectations at all. They live in the moment all day long, they are happy with the whole thing, grateful to be in the moment...we could all learn from that. Be sure that little black cloud you spoke of isnt you attempting to feel your moms seasonal depression hon, that can happen. I have to work really hard to keep my stuff seperate from how my mom would have handled that same thing sometimes.

much love, hang in there...and try to be positive...your mom would want this first christmas with hubby to be so sweet and magical. she really would want that for you,a nd you know that. :o)

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