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March 28th

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 1:43 AM
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is my moms birthday. She would have been 47. My younger brother, older sister, and my moms bestfriend (whom we call Aunt) are going to go to my moms favorite restraunt. I don't know if i should also invite my moms sisters and brothers. Honestly, i have some issues with a couple of my aunts in relation to my moms death. But still, i know they too are grieving. I think DS1 (who is still legally my little brother, the adoption is pending) will take great interest in finding out that that day is his "mom that just died" (as he refers to her as) birthday. (sidenote: for those who don't know or just forgot, DS1 has 3 mothers which is why he feels the need to clarify who is who. He has his birth mom (my cousin) then my mother (who adopted him) and now he calls me mom too).

I miss her so much. I can't even describe how much i miss her. I almost wish that time could just stop. every meaningful event that goes by is just another painful reminder that i won't be able to see her or talk to her any more. Sometimes i can just sit back and think about how crazy it is that she is gone, and how, even now (almost a year later) i still am in a sort of denial.

well, i'm just sort of rambeling now. i've had a lot going on the past couple months and i've just been thinking, probably too much, about my childhood and due to some recent choices i've made that directly affect the child she brought into my life i can't help but wonder, what would she think about this?

I guess i'm getting a little overwhelmed. I thought i could start functioning at my normal extra fast pace (i actually enjoy being too busy), but i guess it's time for me to slow down agian. At least a little bit.

This is Bunny. Copy and paste him into your signature to help him gain world domination. I'm an alternative healing, less extreme AP, non-vaccinating, spiritually open minded, crunchy, scrapbooking, Pagan, mom to two unique little boys and a loving wife to my outstanding Army soldier. 

by on Mar. 6, 2010 at 1:43 AM
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by Group Admin on Mar. 6, 2010 at 10:25 PM

 (come and sits by you, takes your hand) hi. :) (puts my forehead on your forehead) it really hurts still...i know it does and I wish that I had an answer. lately I too have been so angry and missing her, I dont know what to do with the pain kwim? I panic because int he past when I hurt, I drink and in a sick way that was my coping skill...but now I dont have any urge to drink because I realize its not going to make the hurt less-but worse. so then I panic, a desperate scrambling panic and think"how do I go on, how to function without the other half of me? how will I survive this let alone LIVE" I know honey...I am there too, we all are on some level(hugs you long and tight) you are not in the dark alone, I promise.simple frown

The doctors said "it would take a miracle for you to become pregnant".
God said,"Ok, you asked for it..."

Jacob Joseph 5/6/95 and Liam Theodore DeWitt 4/13/09
My Miracles......


by on Mar. 14, 2010 at 12:24 AM

 I think it's a good idea to slow the pace a've been through SO much, and now you've got your mom's little boy to take care of, too.  Your brother will be your son, that's a lot to take on for anyone!  Then you have the grief to deal's a lot, hon.  I know it feels better to keep busy sometimes, because then you don't have time to dwell on the negative as much....but it has a way of catching up with you if you do push it back for too long.  You're doing a wonderful thing, taking in your little brother.  I'm so proud of you! 

by on Mar. 16, 2010 at 6:16 PM

Thanks ladies.

There's gonna be a blood drive on her birthday and she used to be a regular blood donor. ...I've never done it before, but i'm going to give blood on her birthday. ...

That day is coming too fast.

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