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Sooooo

Posted by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:52 PM
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Depressed today! I hope this does not last forever. Today is a day I would normally talk to my mom and its the first Sunday since she passed I am not doing anything to keep me busy. I am functioning but i just feel so depressed it sucks i hate feeling like this. I just miss her so much. Did anyone else's mom pass unexpectedly and you not to get to say good bye?

by on May. 2, 2010 at 8:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
outstandingLove
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:13 PM

My mom passed away unexpectedly. It was her first visit to my new apartment. She died in my bedroom and i found her. ...

Its okay not to be motivated right now. you are in a vulnerable state. I was still in shock and denial. I walked around for 2 weeks not crying much or feeling much or saying much. Even sometimes feeling good and doing my makeup.

Then after that it was like ...i did the absolute minimum possible. Don't push yourself. The dishes can wait. the trash can wait. the vacuuming can wait. sob if you need to sob. and you don't always have to hide it from your kids. It's okay to show them that you are sad. It will let them see how it's okay to express their feelings.

Let your friends/family help you. If they want to cook for you, don't refuse. If they offer to do some chores, take them up on it. ...Or don't if you really don't want the company. But it can often be helpful even if you aren't feeling like you want company.

...It does get better. I know it's hard to see how it might, but it does. ((hugs))

ajh05
by on May. 2, 2010 at 9:49 PM

My mom died expectedly, but it's not any easier.  I was in the hospital the same time she was so I never really go to say my good byes either.  Especially because we were in 2 different hospitals.  I was unable to go to the first wake due to when I got discharged, but left the hospital and went straight to the 2nd session of her wake and then the funeral/burial was the next day.  My mom died 4 days after I had an emergency c-section and came so close to death myself, I was in a state of shock for the first 2-3 weeks.

She passed away surrounded by all of our immediate family, but not me and it's just now (with mother's day coming up and all) starting to really bother me.  It's been a month and so far its gotten harder, not easier.  It is so hard not having her here to help me through, especially with my new baby fighting for her life every day (she was born 13 weeks early)

LuvMyBellaGirl
by on May. 3, 2010 at 4:14 AM

I agree, either way--expected, or unexpected--it's still loss.  But when your mom passes away unexpectedly you feel like you were even robbed of the chance to say goodbye.

LilGina
by Member on May. 3, 2010 at 11:42 AM

aww I am sorry to hear about your baby! My mom passed 3 weeks ago and it is getting harder as well eveyone kept saying it will get easier but I just miss her more and more everyday its not getting easier and it sucks

Quoting ajh05:

My mom died expectedly, but it's not any easier.  I was in the hospital the same time she was so I never really go to say my good byes either.  Especially because we were in 2 different hospitals.  I was unable to go to the first wake due to when I got discharged, but left the hospital and went straight to the 2nd session of her wake and then the funeral/burial was the next day.  My mom died 4 days after I had an emergency c-section and came so close to death myself, I was in a state of shock for the first 2-3 weeks.

She passed away surrounded by all of our immediate family, but not me and it's just now (with mother's day coming up and all) starting to really bother me.  It's been a month and so far its gotten harder, not easier.  It is so hard not having her here to help me through, especially with my new baby fighting for her life every day (she was born 13 weeks early)


LilGina
by Member on May. 3, 2010 at 11:46 AM

yea I know its hard either way but I mean if your expecting it you can say everything you want to say and ask. If your expecting them to be there the next day and their not you never really get to say what you want. I feel bad i rushed my mom off the phone cause I was doing something stupid and she passed that night so i just feel even worse. I wish I at least I would have said I love you something other than I'll talk to you 2marrow I gonna go.

Quoting LuvMyBellaGirl:

I agree, either way--expected, or unexpected--it's still loss.  But when your mom passes away unexpectedly you feel like you were even robbed of the chance to say goodbye.


Bearsjen
by Group Admin on May. 4, 2010 at 9:44 AM

 yes, she passed after a week long sudden coma. There was one day she was alert but i didnt say goodbye, I thought it was a sign she was recovering. I said goodbye while she was in a coma...at the end...but it felt wrong.it didnt feel like goodbye, didnt feel like"or what great closure".

You will always think of things you wanted to say, its a part of this awful sadness. and sundays are hard for me too because those were the days I went to her house most often. now I cant even drive past it, I cant see it. hurts too bad. (hugs)

mlmkjw
by on May. 4, 2010 at 9:52 AM

I think its equally hard either way. I cant imagine what its like not to be right there with her, holding her hand when she passed. But, the sudden passing of a mom, also takes away the pain of watching for weeks/months/years as your mother suffers in pain. The false hopes of them getting better. And being afraid to say the things you want to say before she passes, because you dont want her to think you've given up hope and want her to stop trying. Its a very tearing situation to sit back, watching her die, and have nothing you can do to help, or even ease the pain.

But, as I began with, I don't pretend its worse than not knowing it was coming...and living with regrets of not being able to say "I love you" or "goodbye". I think the pain of losing a mother is so unbearable no matter how it happens, it couldn't be any worse.

God himself could come to you and a perfectly healthy mom and say you have exactly 2 days. You will pass at 3:05pm on friday...and you can live those two days to the complete fullest. It's not going to ease the pain. You'll still have regrets. And, she'll still be gone.

Hang in there!! Especially with Mother's Day so close.

LilGina
by Member on May. 4, 2010 at 12:21 PM

you have a lotta great points. It still SUCKS no matter what.

Quoting mlmkjw:

I think its equally hard either way. I cant imagine what its like not to be right there with her, holding her hand when she passed. But, the sudden passing of a mom, also takes away the pain of watching for weeks/months/years as your mother suffers in pain. The false hopes of them getting better. And being afraid to say the things you want to say before she passes, because you dont want her to think you've given up hope and want her to stop trying. Its a very tearing situation to sit back, watching her die, and have nothing you can do to help, or even ease the pain.

But, as I began with, I don't pretend its worse than not knowing it was coming...and living with regrets of not being able to say "I love you" or "goodbye". I think the pain of losing a mother is so unbearable no matter how it happens, it couldn't be any worse.

God himself could come to you and a perfectly healthy mom and say you have exactly 2 days. You will pass at 3:05pm on friday...and you can live those two days to the complete fullest. It's not going to ease the pain. You'll still have regrets. And, she'll still be gone.

Hang in there!! Especially with Mother's Day so close.


AmyON1986
by Member on May. 4, 2010 at 7:34 PM

   It sucks either way. My mom passes Nov. 21 2009. She had lung cancer was diagnosed the end of July. It was kinda unexpected I mean I knew she was dying and all but things were getting better the tumor was almost gone. But then about 3 weeks before she passed she developed this bad neck and back pain. 2 weeks before she passed we found the cancer had metastasized to her brain she had 7 tumors but was still doing great then one day about 3 before she passed she got really bad wouldn't talk to us or anything but was still awake 1 day and a half before she died is when she stopped responding all together and was pretty much comatose she died the day after she came home from the hospital. The day of our first visit with Hospice. I never left her side the whole time she was home. I didn't sleep for 2 days cause I was afraid if I fell asleep she would Die Alone. Sorry started Rambling. Anyways if you need someone to talk to message me I am so sorry for your loss

skennedy_82
by Member on May. 7, 2010 at 12:37 AM

we found out mom was not going to make it in oct, mom passed in dec, but i never said goodbye or anything, again with the denial, i couldnt bring myself to think like that, i had convinced myself that she was going to be ok,  it was a big fat lie.

when you want to talk to your mom, it might help for you to just talk to her. thats what i do, just about everyday, i just go close the bedroom door talk to mom, and bawl, i know shes listening, i just hope one day shell let me know shes here ,,if she really is

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