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I'm afraid I'll start to forget her.

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 11:16 PM
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I'm afraid I'll start to forget my mom's happy voice, full of energy and enthusiasm for life---even at the end of her life.  I'm afraid I'll forget how soft her skin was, how her hands felt, how good she always smelled.  I'd pretend like I was going to hug her and actually stick my nose in her neck and sniff, and she'd holler "Ahhh, don't do that Bobbi Jo, that tickles!" and laugh, from my childhood up.  Now my kids do the same thing to me, and I can't stand it either!  I tell them how silly they are, nuzzling their mother's neck saying she smells good....but I remember.  I'm only scared I'll forget.

Forgetting would be awful.  Almost more awful than losing her.  I don't want to forget a thing. 

I miss her so much
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by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 11:16 PM
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Replies (1-3):
shaneandevan
by Member on Aug. 1, 2007 at 9:56 AM
Your post really moved me because I know exactly how you feel.  It will be 2 years on Aug 15 (my son's birthday) that I lost my Mom.  But you know what?  I haven't forgotten a thing.  I sit quietly, mostly when I'm rocking my 2 year old at night, and concentrate really hard on everything about her, almost as if she was right there with me.  I always try to "hear" her voice in my head and sometimes I can.  In fact, I can still hear the last words she spoke to me very clearly.  She died suddenly and unexpectedly so that's all I have to go on.  I know how awful it is to miss your Mom.  It's terrible....
LuvMyBellaGirl
by on Aug. 1, 2007 at 5:10 PM
If I try to think about my mom and remember the good things, I still end up crying.  I don't want to cry, but I don't want to forget, either.

My daughter, who was only 2 when we lost my mom, just picked up a photo album of her last pictures (where she was bedridden, blinded from cancer, and very sick) and kissed them, saying, "Oh, you're so beautiful.  I love you SO much." 

I had to wipe all the tears before she saw me crying.  I don't think she could possibly remember who her grandmother was, but her taking that album off a shelf and kissing those pictures, no prompting from anyone and no reason to go grab the pictures off a hidden shelf in the first place...really touched me.  It hurt, but it showed me that somewhere in my daughter's little soul, she remembers.

I love this group, because we truly can feel one another's pain.  Though I grieve alongside all of you wonderful ladies, I also grieve FOR you.  I hope you are somehow finding the comfort you seek here, too.
momofTnT
by Member on Aug. 1, 2007 at 10:19 PM
I think loosing our mothers is one of the hardest people we could possibly lose.  There is no one out there like our mothers they are so unique in their ways and that is what you are fighting to remember.  My mother has only been gone for 17 months and  I still remember it all.  My only dilema is I wish I could dream about her more.  I had one vivid dream about her about 3 months after she was gone and just as I apraoched her to hug her my girlfriends baby woke me up crying.  I tried to get back to my dream and never have since. 

The one thing that used to bug me was how huggy she was.  It used to annoy me and that is what I find that I miss the most.  Her best friend hugs me whenever I see her and I always close my eyes and pretend it's  my mom.  Maybe it's my mothers doing, I don't know, but it helps me.

I feel for you.  Our grieving is all just as unique as our mother were.  We get through it one day at a time.  I'm glad that I have a place to share it.
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