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mom im lost, and cant find you.(piog)

Posted by on May. 8, 2009 at 9:31 PM
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 dear mommy,

           i came to see you today.i left pretty pink  flowers.and a card for you to read.Amy came with.she was not so happy.and truthfully, neither was i. i really wanted to reach down and hug you.i really wanted to hear your voice.i wanted to count the gold specks in your eyes.i wanted to smell your honey lotion like i used to.

i miss you mommy.and sometimes i wish i could be a little girl again.i wish that we could have lunches together, and shop for endless hours.i want to go to Nana's house together and plan next Sundays events.

i wish that you could have been there for the birth of your granddaughter.i wanted you to see her come into this world.hear her precious first cry.and see her big beautiful blue eyes open for the first time and see all the many faces of her family.

I'm so angry that you were not the first grandma to hold her.i want you to be the one to baby sit..i want you to load her with sugar and send her home like you used to threaten.the things i would give up to have you here.the things i wish you could see.i need your advise and wisdom.i need my baby to know you.your pictures don't do you the justice.how can i truly tell her what a wonderful woman you were?

i need you back.and your someone i cant have someone i can never kiss again.someone i can never hug.i see you only when i sleep, and then i can only get so close.this deep chested pain just hurts so bad.my swollen eyes would accept blindness to see you one more time.

for 3 years Ive refused to grieve.i have refused to except that you are in heaven.and that your grace on this earth had been spent.sometimes i scream for you to come home, and grow angrier when you don't come.i scream at your grave to talk to me and you are silent.i do not want you to rest in peace, i want you to live in peace.i want you back.and i want you now.

i love you mom..i love  you so much.

by on May. 8, 2009 at 9:31 PM
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Replies (1-5):
greenie63
by Member on May. 8, 2009 at 9:45 PM

welcome momma! there's a lot of wonderful mom's here to listen and be supportive. This was beautiful. Keep writing to her, i find it helps maybe at times a little but it's my form of therapy.

MariaMama8106
by Member on May. 8, 2009 at 10:59 PM

i still buy my mom mothers day card and birthday cards and write her a letter at christmas and whenever i feel like it. when im really down it helps because i can say whatever i want to her and i know she hears me. i love to write to her.

Bearsjen
by Group Admin on May. 9, 2009 at 12:39 AM

I get mad she isnt here too. I dont get mad at her, but jsut mad about her death and how it shouldnt have happened like that.

ty for letting me remember I am not alone with the anger. 

we2angels
by Member on May. 9, 2009 at 12:17 PM

I can relate so much to what you said I'm crying.  Doesn't help I checked out Motherless Daughters at the library too.

It's not fair, is it?  That they aren't there to watch these beautiful little girls to grow up.  That they didn't stay around because at any age a daughter needs her mother, that we are never prepared for them to leave.

I have no nice and sweet words to comfort you, I'm in hell myself here honey.  Good luck with your journey.  At least we have our girls to watch grow...

Proud SAHM to my beautiful Milena
She is the color in my world...




LuvMyBellaGirl
by on May. 10, 2009 at 9:40 PM

I can relate to everything that you said in your letter to your mother.  I am going through the same things as you are, and I want to thank you for posting your feelings here and sharing with us.

I hope it gets better, for all of us!

Take care sweetie,

Bobbi

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