Introductions

Replies:

• 
• by
  • valerie413
  on Mar. 21, 2007 at 1:11 PM
• I'll start us out.
  
  My name is Valerie and I've been married to my husband, Neal, since December of '03. Technically, we're "newlyweds" and plan to keep it that way for a LONG time. He truly is my best friend and we are in constant contact just to chat about a joke we heard or decide what's for supper. He is a fabulous husband and a super dad.
  
  We were both married previously to much older partners, took the role of step-parents to our former spouses' kids, but neither of us had any biological children. When we married, we knew we wanted a family together.
  
  I had struggled with fertility in my previous marriage and had put that part of me on a shelf. My former husband and I had persued domestic infant adoption through a private agency and just as our homestudy was complete, our marriage disolved. It was fortunate we had not been matched with birthparents at that time.
  
  When Neal and I married, we discussed opening the fertility window again to see what new breezes were blowing. We took a very focused approach and dove almost immediately into injectable fertility meds, constant monitoring for egg production, followed closely with IUI. We got pregnant on the first try to the tune of over $6,000 in med costs.
  
  Our elated joy was short lived and in March of '05 we miscarried.
  
  During our fertility treatments, we had also discussed adoption and knew that ultimately, we wanted to parent children. It didn't matter as much where they came from, but parenting was the goal.
  
  We quickly decided on foster/adopt through our state DFCS. It wasn't a difficult decision for us--Neal's sister had worked for DFCS for years, had taken a position as a resource parent coordinator, and had also adopted two daughters through DFCS (relative adoption as the girls are her husband's grandchildren from his previous marriage). Our neices are beautiful, healthy, happy, well adjusted, and wonderful girls. Foster/adopt was a no-brainer for us.
  
  My side of our family has also experienced adoptio. I knew that there would be no qualms about welcoming children who weren't biologically related into our family. It just wasn't an issue in any way.
  
  Our foster/adopt resource parenting classes began the beginning of March of '05--two weeks before our loss. We managed to continue with our classes with a renewed spirit--we felt that we had been traveling a journey that was truly meant to be. We had to experience loss to be able to truly appreciate the gifts we were about to recieve.
  
  At the beginning of April, we were approached by our caseworker who asked us at the beginnig of class just how many kids were we interested in. We had mentioned we'd like a sibling group of two or more. Neal was leaning toward two--three was fine. We'd discussed it and agreed. For a reason I cannot comprehend, when she asked me how many, I IMMEDIATELY said, "Four" without so much as a stammer or stutter. Just  one word---"FOUR"---came out of my mouth and I remember thinking, "Where in the world did THAT come from?" as I said it.
  
  Our caseworker said, "Hmm..Be careful what you wish for..." and walked away.
  
  After class, she again stopped us and said that there was a sib group of four girls who were headed toward TPR. It didn't look like they would be able to keep all four together. Would we consider taking all four to preserve the family?
  
  Wow. Yeah, we'd consider it, but we couldn't commit until we'd given it some serious thought. And think about it, we did!
  
  Every moment after that was spent wondering, considering, planning, thinking, discussing, praying, and just plain pondering. Every time we thought of a potential road block, we found a way around it. Every time we thought we couldn't make it happen, a door opened and a solution stood behind it. Our families initially thought we were insane and I guess in hind-site we had to be a little nutz.
  
  I remember the night I called my sister-in-law and said we'd take the girls. Neal and I had been talking ad nauseum about adding four little ones to our team. We went round and round about the same things...should we, shouldn't we, could we, couldn't we. We looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking.
  
  How in the world can we plan for every single situation when that situation may or may not arise? How can ANY parent-to-be plan out the next 18+ years and think they're prepared for what happens? It cannot be done. You can make good decisions, cover your bases (school, childcare, transportation, medical coverage, finances), but in the end, it's all done on a wing and a prayer.
  
  I smiled at him...and reached for the phone. "Should I call her?" I asked. He smiled back and said, "I suppose."
  
  Before Cindy even picked up the phone, I was saying, "We'll take them! We'll take them!"
  
  Our classes finished in May, we were approved in June, began visiting the girls in July, moved the oldest (9 at that time) and youngest (3 at that time) in the first week of August, moved the middle two (7 and 6 at that time) in the first week of September, and spent the rest of '05 adjusting to life as a six-pack.
  
  It was rough at first. We briefly mourned our former life as a couple, but the kids were completely "portable", so it took very little for us to pick up and go at the spur of a moment. Our only concern was their behavior. We hadn't bonded yet as a family unit and it took several more months before we were TRULY momma and daddy. With that came more comfortable roles as parents and children. The girls felt safe, loved, and completely immersed in our family by December.
  
  We were granted TPR in September of that year. The birthmother appealed almost a month later and we were suddenly put in this strange limbo--caught somewhere between foster and adopt. The girls had their last visit with their birthmom in September of '05 and we have not heard anything from her since then. It's pushing 2 years.
  
  We found out recently that the appeals panel that meets once per year met last March and our case was not heard.  The court reporter who worked the day TPR was granted had left her job and with her somehow went the transcripts of our case. Until those transcripts are located, we are stuck in limbo.
  
  Believe me, we are doing EVERYTHING we can to shake out of this netherworld. We have contacted the office of the chld advocate, have pretty much sat on the doorstep of the courthouse, are in constant contact with DFCS, and as of yet, DFCS has been our only forward-moving ally. The courthouse is embarrased and covering its behind--and the office of the child advocate has aparently been overwhelmed with other complaints/cases, that we have filtered somewhere in the system and continually play tag.
  
  But, as our little world hangs in the balance, the girls are doing well and constantly ask "when are we going to be adopted?" All we can tell them is "when the judge says it's okay and he's got all of his paperwork together, we will dash up and sign papers to get it all started RIGHT away."
  
  Putting it onto a nameless/faceless entity makes it easier on the girls. They tend to direct their anger regarding their loss on DFCS and old neighbors who may have turned thier birthmother in, etc....We resist giving them something else to regard with suspicion.
  
  Anyway, we're all doing well. We are attending family/play therapy together and although it's only been a few weeks, we are seeing some changes. The girls have supressed their feelings toward the loss of their birth family for almost 5 years. It's now beginning to bubble out in therapy and although some days are really hard, we are beginning to see some healing. We may take a few lashes as their parents, but ultimately, we know they will grow into healthy, well rounded, compassionate, stable young adults. It's just going to take time, patience, understanding and a WHOLE lotta love!
  
  That's our story--and I'm stickin to it!
  
  Waiting to hear from y'all.
  
  Hugz!
  -v.

• 
• by
  • NursingStudent
  on Mar. 24, 2007 at 6:26 PM

• Wow, what a story. 
  
  Im just beginning my journey as a prospective foster parent.  Adoption is probably in the future for me but not at this time. 
  
  I cant wait to get started, there are so many children ou there who need a loving home

  
  

  

• 
• by
  • IowacowBELLE
  on Mar. 28, 2007 at 1:00 PM

• When my DH and I married in 02, I already had a daughter from a previous relationship.  We both knew we wanted more children but after several attempts to get preg. and after I was diagnosed with a thyroid and ovarian condition we came to the realization that we were not able to conceive a child together. We went through some fertility testing, but decided early on that this was not the avenue we wanted to pursue for emotional and spiritual reasons. 
  I have a couple family members who are foster parents and after talking w/ them we decided that adopting through the state was our choice, and we both agreed that this is how we would build our family.  I made the necessary phone calls and filled out, what seemed like, mounds of paperwork.  In January of 04 we attended our first class.  In the next 10 weeks we filled out more paperwork and completed two homestudies.  At times it didn't seem like the end would ever come. 
  During one of our homestudies our worker asked us how many children we thought we wanted.  We both said just one and preferrably a boy (since we already had a girl) Oh and between the ages of 0-2 yrs.  She also asked us if we considered doing foster care as even though foster care isn't meant to be a back door to adoption a lot of the time fp were asked first if they want to adopt a child living w/ them.  We thought about it for a few days and then decided to go for it.  (after all if it didn't go well we could just stop fostering.)  Well before we knew it we were done w/ our training and received our license the following Tuesday.  Literally, 3 days later, the friday before Easter,  we got our first placement call.  We thought it'd be several weeks before we heard anything.  The CW said they had a sibling group of 5 but they needed a place for the 2 youngest, little boys, 3 and 23months.  My first thought was, "I thought we said we only wanted one and under 2yrs."  My DH and I talked it over and decided we'd take them besides it was Easter weekend.  These two little guys can't spend Easter in a shelter.  I left right away to pick them up; they were already at the shelter.  When I arrived I noticed one of them were sitting on a little girl's lap (their 10yr old sister) and the other was playing w/ 2 other little boys (their 5 and 7yr old brothers).  A staff member had me sign the placement agreement and told me who was who.  This was the very first time I had ever done anything like this and so I looked at the staff person like, was that it.  He said, "They're all yours now.  Good luck!"  I walked over to the little girl and knelt down in front of her.  She looked at me as if to say where are you taking my brother.  I explained that he and her other brother would be staying w/ me for awhile but that I'd take good care of them.  She began to cry.  I didn't know what to do.  My heart was breaking for her.  I looked around to the staff for some kind of help but to my surprise...nothing!  I promised they'd be o.k. and took the older one by the hand and left.  As soon as I got to my car I broke down.  What had I just done?  Was I strong enough to do this? 
  I know I will never forget that awful day or the look on her face.  
  She and her other two brothers were eventually placed w/ their bio aunt and then adopted.
  My 2 little boys; Noah 6yrs and Chase 4yrs became permanent members of our family in Jan. 06.  The following month; Feb, the day we planned to have the boys adoption party we received another call to take their NB bio-brother, Garrett. We of course said yes.  In November of that yr bmom signed over her rights and in Jan 07 TPR was granted.  Not even a week after TPR on Garrett (Garrett wasn't even a yr.) we received yet another call to take Bmom's newest baby, Hayden....another boy!   
  
  It's been 6 weeks since then and we're all doing Great!  We've been told that Garrett's adoption should be final in the next month or so and that the CW will be asking for early termination on Hayden due to bmom's past TPRs and continued/current issues.  When that time comes, we'll be 7 strong!  My daughter thinks it's pretty cool that she's the only girl.....she doesn't have to share her room, clothes, or toys.   
  
  Since our first placement call we have had 20+ children come into our hearts and home ranging in ages from birth-8yrs.  We have had many good experiences but at the same time we have definitely had our fair share of heart breaks along the way too.Funny to think just 3yrs ago all we wanted was one and now 4 boys later....total of 5 kids now I think we're done!   
   
  Well that's pretty much our story in a nut shell.
  ~Melissa
  
  

• 
• by
  • NikkiDear
  on Apr. 6, 2007 at 1:24 AM
• First off I have to say that ladies I am so excited to meet someone that is in the same boat as we are in!  My Story is very similar to val.  My husband Joshua and I(Nikki) started in Oct. of 2004.  We have been trying to concieve for 4 years now and God is taking his time.  So in Oct. of 04 I was on a mission trip to Mexico.  One of the girls on my team was a good friend and we were discussing me not being pregnant yet and how I desired to adopt also.  Well My friend Corey had a cousin that at the time had 3 kids ages 32mths, 19mths and 3mths old and one on the way.   I wanted to adopt but also wanted to trust God's timing and my husbands.  So after corey told me about the youngest I called home and told Joshua about the youngest, but also told him that I trust what ever he wants to do.  Well the 3mth old was named Destinie, and when I heard this I knew in my heart that she had a special place in my life.  I got home and we signed up for training in Jan. of 05'.  We got trained to adopt not foster.  But on March 4, 2005 corey called and told me the kids were in care.  I tracked them down through my certifier and got the older 3. Instant family!  Shock to my poor husband he told me a month into it that he did not think he wanted to have kids.  We had them for 3 mths to the day then lost them in less then 12 hours.  The shock and grief was overwhelming and it still brings tears to my eyes 2 years later.  It trully felt  like a death and took me 3 mths to move on.  But on the day that I was praying and thanking God for my wonderful new job close to home I got a call at 3:30 pm Sept. 9, 2005 that the 4 kids were in care and could you take them all.  Like I could say no to my kids.  So I went to the dhs office by myself and picked up my 4 kids 3.5, 2.5, 14mths, 4mths.  What I found very funny is that there were 4 state workers in the room trying to handle my kids and I came alone.  So here we are 2 years later my kids are growing up very fast and the youngest will be 2 next month.  We are heading to termination, and working on current care taker but still have that fear that we could loose them even after all this time.  We probally have 6-12mths before things are really done..maybe. Praise God we have everyone on our side in adopting these kids.
  I have wanted children and to be a mom for so long and was not trying to start it through fostering.  Yet here we are and we are not done having kids just wanting to spread them out a little more!  We hope to be pregnant soon, since the youngest 2 are starting to potty train!(we had all 4 in diapers at one time)
  Anyway there is so much to all of our stories, and I can't wait to get to know you each a little better.
  
  God Bless,
  Nikki

• 
• by
  • mommachristy
  on Apr. 6, 2007 at 6:19 PM
• Where do I begin? My husband Tracy and I have been married for 10 years.  We met in February of 1996 on a blind date and that was it...we were married the following December.  We are best friends and soul mates.  We have had 9 years of praying for a family and dealing with infertility.  I felt that I'd rather put my time and energy into adopting and giving a child a happy healthy home than spend what could be forever searching for a fertility solution.  That was so much easier in concept.
  We were already acquainted with a family that provides foster care...we attend the same church.  I had asked them many a question about foster care over the years.  The fall of 2004 they had two young children, siblings, placed with them.  A boy and girl, both adorable...and my heart melted.  They are from Native American families and so placement with a Caucasian family would be next to impossible.  So I told myself to forget about it. 
  The summer of 2005, I was visiting with that foster mother and she commented how crazy their household was becoming and we should hurry up and get our license (foster care) so we could take the two little ones.  At that point, I just wanted to be a mom.  I can grieve not having one by birth.  I can't go through life without being a mom.  These children at time were ages 3 and 4 and had been in foster care for nearly their whole lives.  We asked our friends to contact the kids' social worker and find out our chances of fostering to adopt these two children. 
  The foster care worker agreed and we began training fall of 2005.  About that same time we began transitioning the kids with visits.  Gradually a few hours an afternoon turned into overnight and then into several days at a time.  April of 2006, the children were placed with us in foster care.  It's been a great joy and blessing, yet the biggest challenge of a lifetime.  They are wonderful, beautiful kids but I am learning there is a lot of healing needing to take place.  Our latest news from the social workers is that they anticipate our case will come up for beginning the adoption process in July.
  At 35, I feel a little out of place as a new mom.  I skipped the baby stages and went right into preschool/kindergarten age stages.  I am fortunate to have a sister with two little girls...I can message her throughout the day and ask her if the latest bizarre behavior is really normal ;D
  I stay at home and work very part-time.  My husband is a computer tech and we are part owners in a RadioShack which I manage.  Motherhood has been a real crash course for me, so I am thankful to be joining this group.  There are just days when it would be great to have others who can relate.
  
  
  
  
  

• 
• by
  • debbiemn
  on Apr. 13, 2007 at 2:53 PM
• Hi,
  so excited to find this group, so wonderful to read your stories and realize there are others who also live their lives waiting.   A bit about our story, my husband, Kevin and I have been married for 23 years, we have three children ages 21, 19, and 18.  We became foster parents 10 years ago not with the intent to adopt, just simply to help out kids in need.  In October 2004 we had a placement that for all intent and purposes seemed ordinary (I realize in foster care nothing is ordinary) a 5month old girl and her 3 year old brother.  The little girl was a shaken baby, just being released from the hospital.  Thus began a journey that even today is indescribable.  All we knew at her release was she had brain damage,  her eyes were crossed and her head was misshapened, she had developmental delays, she seemed as fragile as a newborn.  Her first year of life was one medical condition after another, we became quite familiar with ER staff, and the Clinic.   In May of 2005 a TPR was granted, which was promptly appealed.  We had expressed interest in adopting in January 2005, but of course nothing could proceed on that until all appeals were finialized.  In July 2005 the kids newborn baby sister joined us,  She was 2 days old.   In January of 2006 the appeals decision was upheald, the parents filed another appeal, and the maternal grandma appeared seeking custody of the kids.  The supreme court in our state refused to hear the appeal in February.  Now we just had to await grandmas request.  Her trial was held in May 2006,  a decision was given in August of 2006, denying her request.  You guessed it she appealed, a partial decision was given in February 2007, requesting more information and remanded back to the original judge.  We are currently awaiting that process to be completed.  Our adoption request is currently on hold awaiting the finalization of the other proceedings.  Today all three kids are doing well, the little one who was shaken will be 3 in a month and she is normal, her eyes have healed, she has full mobility and her development is above on the charts.  It is the greatest thing to me to be able to look at her and say normal.  She is a miracle.  Her brother will begin kindergarten in the fall, he too faced many developmental delays but currently is at or above in his development too.  The baby is just a joy.   Still we wait, living life in limbo has just become normal to us.  We live daily with the knowledge that they could leave in a blink.  For now I just treasure each day we have them....and continue to wait.

• 
• by
  • joy4me
  on Apr. 14, 2007 at 11:47 PM
• Well lets see my husband and I decided to adopt even at our age he's 65 me 56 we went to mapp training got,done all the background check FBI.fingerprints our homestudy and were approved 11/22/2006 we are still waiting for a match we want children 2-12yo prefer girls but boys are ok we even concidered siblings two or three we don't have a lot and live in a two bedroom mobile home but we have lots of time and love to devote to the children we hopt to adopt we are streight adopt from fostercare and I keep hearing all these horro stories yes it;s frustrating waiting because Florida has so many children waiting for home but the process is slow going I call every two week or so or even e-mail to let them know we are serious about finding our match for a child or children

• 
• by
  • rivka-g
  on Apr. 16, 2007 at 9:42 PM
• Hi, my name is Rebecca.  My husband of 11 years and I are fairly new foster parents.  We have two of our own children, Will (6), and Nikki, (5).  We have two foster children, Adrian, (6), and Adriana, (4).  They are from Honduras.  They have been with us since the beginning of February, and they have a court date this Friday to see if their aunt gets custody.  I will miss them if they go.I am hoping to get to know other foster moms on here. 

• 
• by
  • stephieann
  on Apr. 23, 2007 at 9:05 PM
• My husband and I are foster parents in Tennessee.  I am 33 and he is 37.   We have been married for almost 11 yrs.  My DH is in the military (naval reserve) and is currently deployed.   We have been foster parents for about 6 yrs now and have not had to go through a TPR yet.  We almost did.  We had a child for 12 months and they were about to TPR until the grandmother decided to take the baby.  We currently do not have any children in our home and we do not have any of our own.  Since he is in the military,  I have decided to not take any until he comes home.  Of course you all know just as well as i do they call you in the middle of the night with one and it is what you can handle you cant say no!! 
  
  We have only had 9 foster children in the last 6 yrs.
  

• 
• by
  • MommaRhodes
  on May. 1, 2007 at 12:42 AM
• My story is very different. My name is Sara. 24 yrs old.
  I was to be married Feb 3rd, 2007....my fiance, Will, was killed one week before our wedding day.  Leaving behind a 6 yr old son....not my bio-son.
  His son, Danny, was 2 weeks from becoming ours, full custody.
  Danny has been in DFS custody since July 2006 due to his bio-mom being a meth addict.
  Since Will's death occured and Danny is in DFS, the CW asked if me and my parents would be KINSHIP PLACEMENT. We of course said YES!
  Danny has been living here since March 2, 2007. ((Will passed away Jan. 26, 07))
  Danny has ALOT of issues. He has a fear of leaving me. He doesnt want to live with his mom again, which will most likely happen at the end of the summer.
  Since he has been told that he may be living with his mom again, he has became very angry. Uncontrollable, lashing out, mouthing off, lying, and choking himself.
  Due to me not being married to his father, i have ZERO rights to Danny. And he doesnt understand why.

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