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very long... need some opinions, please read! PLEASE!

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 5:01 AM
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Hi all, my name is Jaimee, im 20 and my son is 1.5... im new to the group and i thought this was the PERFECT place to get some advice on all of my babys daddy drama.... ok so here goes... its going to be long so bear with me....

  Curtis and I broke up last december after a huge fight, he thought that i was cheating on him with my best friends brother who i also worked with and he over heard me talking on the phone about our plans to go snowboarding over the coming weekend and he flipped out and slapped my phone out of my hand. we had both been drinking to i overreacted (as usual) and started screaming at him that he had hit me... he didnt actually hit me he just kind of grazed my fact with an open hand... anyways... he has worked out of town since the baby was born so hes gone 2 weeks and then home 2 weeks. 3 months ago we started talking about working things out because for the past 10 months we were apart we just pretty much hated eachother... anyways so i knew when we started talking again that he was seeing another girl.. as far as i knew she was just a hook up and they werent dating, so one night he came over and we had sex. then the same thing a few nights later... then when he went back to work we constantly talked on the phone and one night i asked him if he was still seeing that girl and he said YES! so i asked him if he had slept with her since we started sleeping together again and he said YES! so i freaked out and we started fighting about it and then he told me he wasnt even sure if he really wanted to get back with me anyways. the next day he called me and said that we should work on being friends before we start a relationship so we agreed not to have sex anymore, he said that things with the other girl werent really working out so he was just going to see how it went and all that.... so then he comes back from work and he hang out and stuff and then of course we end up having sex again so i told him if we are going to continue this i want to be the only girl you are sleeping with... he told me that since i wasnt his girlfriend i couldnt make that decision for him and i told him i didnt want to sleep with him again... a couple nights later he was going to the bars with some friends and i offered to drive them home from the bar... he wouldnt answer my calls later on so i started to worry.. i automatically assumed that he was with the other girl so naturally i got a little jealous and sent him a text saying what an asshole he was for lying to me telling me he was going out with the guys and he was really going to see her... the next day around noon he called me and told me i needed to calm down and that he had broken up with her last night. he told me that he wanted to work on our relationship and whatever. so we continue sleeping together and then he goes back to work. one the phone one night i asked him again if he was still talking to her just because i was curious, some friends had told me they werent sure if i should believe him so i asked and he said no... then when he got back this last time, he came over the night he got back and we had sex... that was a tuesday night, then thursday night he told me he had to go out of town for a few hours and that hed be back by midnight and call to let me know he was safe... he enver called so i start calling him nonstop and his phone was going straight to voicemail.. the next morning around 9 when i work up i called his sister to see if he was home and she said that he was supposed to be home by 7am at the latest and noone could get ahold of him. so again i start nonstop calling him until finally an hour later he answers. i asked him where he was and HE WAS AT HER HOUSE. so i freaked out on him because not only did he lie to me but our son was being watched by his family who was worried sick about him and so by around 1 in the afternoon he came home. i made him come over to pick the baby up from my house and he then started telling me that everything he has said to me lately has been a lie because he didnt want to hurt my feelings and that it was a mistake to CHEAT ON HIS GIRLFRIEND WITH ME. a girl that he picked up from a bar one night and said he didnt even care about her. now all of a sudden shes his girlfriend. so i decide to email her and tell her what he has been doing... he got mad and told me he never wanted to talk to me again. the next night he got drunk and sent me a text message that said "you just got yourself into something you may never get out of" and so i called him and again we fought. the next day he apologized about everything and was really nice and said that he really did want to work things out for us to be friends again, and i asked him what he said to the girl about the email i sent her.... he told me that she thought i was lying and he didnt confirm or deny it. i decided to drop it that time for the sake of yelling... the next night he came over and we carved a pumpkin as a family and i made dinner. the next night we got in another fight on the phone, not sure what that one was about... then the next night he came over and we talked and he apologized again for everything... we ended up sleeping together again. then 2 days later on halloween he came over and stayed the night and while he was sleeping i read the texts in his phone from the other girl, apparently he was supposed to meet her at some bar that night but ended up with me instead.. then on monday he came over so we could talk about our sons insurance cards, he was an hour and a half late so of course i got mad when he showed up half drunk... we got in a big fight and he drove me to my sisters house and dropped me off... the next morning i picked him up to drop him off at the airport so he could go to work and we ended up having sex in the parking garage... i got home and checked my email and the girl had emailed me back... she said he told her i was lying and that they had never broken up and they still talk every day so i emailed her back giving her specific days that he was with me and stuff... curtis flipped out telling me he never wanted to talk to me again and that i had just fucked up a good relationship with his new girlfriend and stuff... the next day called me and apologized and told me that the reason he was ever with her was because it wasnt complicated and that hes scared of commitment and that he really is in love with me and he wants to get back together when he gets back and hes been sooo nice again...

i am so in love with this man that even after crying over him every day and being played like a fool i cant help but still want to be with him... at this point i dont know if he is still talking to her or not.. i havent wanted to bring it up because i dont want to start another fight... what should i do? should i believe him and go with it for the sake of saving my family or should i just give up? SORRY ITS SO LONG!

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker



by on Nov. 9, 2008 at 5:01 AM
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by New Member on Nov. 10, 2008 at 2:11 PM

reminds me of my first relationship/marriage......was in it for 13 years...just a piece of advice....don't waste your time.  and quit giving it offense but it seems like that is all the relationship is about.  once a cheat always a cheat, i have never seen it another way. and the lying is totally radiculous...whether you love him or not , where is the respect?  its just my opinion and i dont mean to make you more upset but things seem to go wrong even when they go right.  we all get "clues" and choose to ignore them for lots of reasons....whatever you decide i hope you are happy and cared for and loved, it shouldnt be any other way.

by New Member on Nov. 12, 2008 at 2:00 AM
OMG. This situation is so complex. I'm in a complex relationship myself, so, I can understand to an extent. Initially, my feeling is that you need to cut the cord. There is going to be no way for the tables to turn unless you build up the strength to walk away, and convince yourself that you don't care, even though a part of you is dying inside. He needs to see what life is like without you. It's all the more complicated that you have a little one, I know, but he needs to figure out what the hell he's doing. He could be super confused, so I have a tad bit of sympathy for him, but it doesn't matter. He's not doing what's right, and unfortunately actions have consequences. You're young, and trust me, there's time. There's time to leave him for a while, there's time for him to grow up and figure out what the hell he wants, there's time for you to fall back in love with each other, or there's time for you to meet your prince charming. Bottom line is you are enabling this behavior and it must stop. I like to absorb myself in self help books when going through the pain of loss. Re-invent yourself. Step into your power and know your worth. Walk away till he's on his knees. In my case, I've done it a few times. One time after 3 years, broke up with the love of my life (more like he didn't know what he wanted), didn't talk for a year till i moved across the country and fell in love with another and THEN he came crawling back, but it was too late. Now, I'm pregnant and with the new man, it's been 3 years with him, and we've had a total rollercoaster relationship as well. I left him once for real, and he came crying back after 3 weeks like every day on my doorstep till i took him back. The thing is, he changed for a little bit, but things are kind of right back to where they were b4 i left him. Now that im preggo we're trying to work things out, but, it's hard. It's all hard is the point. And, maybe for some it's easier, I don't know. Bottom line is that you are going to have to build up the strength to let go, and the faith to believe that there is something better out there. Or maybe something inside of you that can be at peace without needing him and his dysfunction. It's totally hard when the sex is still good, trust me, I know. Can your mind override those temptations??? Well, hang in there, you must have a lot on your plate right now. Stay positive and maybe try to care a little bit less about him. It won't be long till another hottie comes along to rock your world!! Good luck!
by on Nov. 12, 2008 at 2:08 AM

This is just my opinion, and it's not an attack on you. I am only telling you what I see going on based on your post.

Sorry, but he doesn't sounds like he truely wants to reconcile. In your whole thread, I only saw one instance where he was even remotely interested in his child( the pumkin carving); most of your encounters are for drinking and sex.

I think he is making a chump out of you and this other woman.

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