Ok - I'm so mad today I'm not even sure if I'm in the right forum to vent but I have to take my chances. In a relationship with a guy who has a very controlling ex (and mother of their 6 yearl old son)and he has no backbone to stand up to her. She calls him a deadbeat to his face and leaves messages for him saying he's just like his sorry a$$ dad and basically degrades him. She even sent him a text telling him she's glad she has other MALE ROLE MODELS for her son because he is an embarrassment. Just the other day, she left a message where she called me and my children "stank people" and said she was more woman than him, me and my 22 year-old daughter. Now how she got in the mix I don't know. She called me a trick and told him none of us were high enough on her food chain to even speak to her. I'm like WTF!! I've been the silent one who hasn't said anything for over a year so I'm confused as to where all of this is coming from. Both the ex-wife and his mother feel that I am coming between him and his relationship with his son. Before he met me he was driving to Charlotte every weekend to see his son. He was paying over $1300 a month for child support and basically doing everything she said do. He felt he had to do these things to keep her quiet so that she wouldn't threaten him or keep his son from him. When we started dating I simply asked him if he had a court order for child support and visitation. He said NO. I told him that it might be something he wanted to consider to protect himself and not have her be able to say he couldn't see his child. I mean for real!!!! I'm just asking why I have to be called a trick and my daughter pulled into this. Then when she left the message he did NOTHING!!! What is that????
tell him that he dose not have to take that from anyone. lift him up tell him good things. as for her tell her that she has 4 fingers pointing at her and 1 of them is hers.
Is he still visiting his son? Can the ex be upset because she's not getting paid like she was before?
I would basically ignore what the ex and his mother thinks...as long as you know your looking out for the best interest of your man and his child, I would ignore the negativity. If you feed into it, there will be drama...if you give it much attention it will eat at you...the best thing to do is to let it go and keep handling your business as you're doing now
Well it's obvious she thinks highly of you because she tries SO hard to cut you down and your child - without never even knowing you. Don't fall into the trap. The ex is the EX for a reason, it seems that she doesn't even like herself so why would anyone else. And the fact that you've been sileAnt, wow.
He probably doesn't say anything because if he does, he'll lose control. Sometimes NOTHING is the best thing to say. Why argue with a fool? I'm mean seriously. That's why he's not with her and it's eating her up. Maybe she things degrading him and trash talking is going to magically win him over. I feel sorry for her and her son.
Did you S/O ever got to court for child custody/visitaiton? He can have visits with his son and have all the legal stuff taken care of free of charge. There are organizations in every state and every county that help with that. He shouldn't miss out spending time with his son because the mother uses the child like a bargining chip in Las Vegas.
Also, it would be a good idea to save those messages and texts. If she shoes up at a mediation talking the same way and bad mouthing the father and name calling - she'd better help the mediator doesn't recommend the father have custody.
"True love is giving and seeking nothing in return" - Ra Un Nefer Amen
good idea save everything every reciept and get it notirized and she is jealous... has he thought about getting custody of his son how old is the son... and for his mother to think that you are getting in the way.. is foolish
Quoting Alyson121:
Well it's obvious she thinks highly of you because she tries SO hard to cut you down and your child - without never even knowing you. Don't fall into the trap. The ex is the EX for a reason, it seems that she doesn't even like herself so why would anyone else. And the fact that you've been sileAnt, wow.
He probably doesn't say anything because if he does, he'll lose control. Sometimes NOTHING is the best thing to say. Why argue with a fool? I'm mean seriously. That's why he's not with her and it's eating her up. Maybe she things degrading him and trash talking is going to magically win him over. I feel sorry for her and her son.
Did you S/O ever got to court for child custody/visitaiton? He can have visits with his son and have all the legal stuff taken care of free of charge. There are organizations in every state and every county that help with that. He shouldn't miss out spending time with his son because the mother uses the child like a bargining chip in Las Vegas.
Also, it would be a good idea to save those messages and texts. If she shoes up at a mediation talking the same way and bad mouthing the father and name calling - she'd better help the mediator doesn't recommend the father have custody.
Yes, I have multiple personalities. And Umm, no none of them like you! 
Quoting Bunsmommy:
Couple of questions (I need better insight); 1. What was their relationship before you told him to stop paying cs and going to see his son? 2. Since you telling him to stop how often has he seen his son? 3. Since stopping what is he doing to contribute to his son financially? If the answer to number 1, is him and the ex had a civil relationship and him and his son had an excellent relationship and now none of them do, that's a problem. If the answer to number 2 is he sees his once every blue moon, when he used to see him every weekend that's a problem. If the answer to number 3 is this man was contributing $1300 to his son financially (which really isn't a whole lot when you think that boys will eat you outta house and home) and now, now he's doing nothing; oh BAY-BAY that's a big problem! If all this has occured as a result of him listening to you, then yeah it's beyond understandable for his mom and ex to believe that you're coming between him and his son. Every weekend when he drove to see his child was he allowed to? If he was then for you to come in and say don't do this, don't do that is WRONG! There's no 2 or 3 ways around it, has nothing to do w/the mom it was about him keeping a relationship open w/his son. I applauded the fact that him and the ex were able to work out a situation where he was doing what was right and not needing the court to step in and tell them how to as partners raise the life they created. From your own words it seems as if they had a pretty good compromise going until you opened your mouth and meddled in their business. Now, that's not to say that her tirades or her calling you a trick is acceptable, quite the contrary just saying when reading what you wrote w/an open mind one can understand the anger. One could also walk away w/the opinion that your man is kind of weak and needs to learn to speak up to the women in his life.
I have to say i do disagree. First it doesn't sound like she told him to stop doing all of those things, but asked if he had a court order to protect himself. Many a woman will be civil at first, but as soon as the father gets a new girlfriend, can turn at the drop of a dime and become hostile and use children like a bargaining chip. whether she likes it or not, things change when man enters a relationship with someone else. I really actually feel that more people need to go to court instead of spending years battling based on will. as far as him doing all of the driving, where is her compromise. if she is so upset about the changes, then why not bring her son to see him. just as she seems to have a life going, why is he unable to. she is very much in the wrong for calling you names, and just tell him to let the courts handle it.
Cece Nichole: Micah's Mommy!!
Sounds like he is a bit of a punk if you ask me. Yes he is supposed to take care of his kid that is not what I am talkin about but to not stand up for the woman in your life is some straight bitchassness....The love of my life has 2 other baby mamas and if either one was to open their mouth to speak ill of me or my babies then he checks they ass with a quickness and lets them know hey she is not up for discussion. They would never ever speak ill of my kids cuz that would take shit to whole new level. So unless they saying how cute my babies are they won't even mention them.
ABG Season 2- June 14th
- chocolatemom3
on Nov. 28, 2009 at 9:00 PM