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"You are dark with no hair"

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:10 PM
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1 mom liked this

I was talking to a parent today about how she felt the need to pull her daughter out of school because children in her class were saying this to her (she's 8). She's now homeschooling her daughter. She told me how her daughter at one point had very long hair but her hairstylist accidently  relaxed her hair which lead to alot of breakage.  She says that her daughter was already dealing with comments being made that she was the darkest girl in the class. When she lost her hair these little girl's became vicious. She's a beautiful little girl.

What the hell are some of us teaching our girls? I noticed after this conversation with this mother that the birthday party we were at consisted mainly of  light complexioned 8-10 yr olds with very long hair. The majority of these girls were cheerleaders.

I'm just speechless. What do you ladies think?

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
truly.a.taurus
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:21 PM
How sad for the girl. Her hair will grow back but the hurt may be difficult to deal with and could have lasting effects. I'm glad to hear the mom addressed the problem head on and is able to home school. Kids can be so cruel.
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DOMTITI
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:23 PM
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Its pretty sad. An example of hair making her pretty. I hear it all the time( my daighter has long, pretty hair, some equate long and pretty, regardless if it damaged ir not) Some woman need to get it together! They need to be stressing its not what's on their head it what's in it!
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Sakurachiba
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:26 PM
That's horrible on so many levels. Starting with the relaxer I heard that happens with a lot of people. It's snuck in by the stylist
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GoddessNDaRuff
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:26 PM

It's a complex that a lot of blacks have. We've all heard of those who only want babies with white, latino, or light skin blacks so that their kids will be light skinned with "good" hair. It's sad and they pass it on to their children who take it to school and poor lil girls like the one you described get the brunt of it. The saddest thing I've ever witnessed was a 3 year old girl telling me she wasn't pretty because her skin is too dark and her hair isn't like Hannah Montana. It made me and her mom really upset. My MIL said that when she found out she was having a girl with my SIL she prayed she'd be light skin so she didn't get teased like my MIL did for being dark. I really hope if I ever have a lil girl she never feels less than because of her complexion or the length of her hair.

On a side note how the hell does a stylist accidentally relax someone's hair?

tanishagreene
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 6:56 PM

This goes way back to the bible days. Its deeper than blacks and slavery and etc. Its really something that originally in those times of Jesus was considered beautiful before God thus the scripture 1 corinthians 11:15. me personally I feel that it is a beautiful thing as the bible says for us as women to have long hair and not cut it as the bible also says, but I totally disagree with the idea that a womans hair or skin color should determine her treatment or her worth and value in the community. As far as the woman taking her daughter out to homechool her due to the issues I think there are some emotional pros and cons to that. I wouldve liked it better to hear she took her out simply because she wanted to guarantee that her daughter recieved the best education by her doing it herself. since studies are starting to show that homeschooled children usually score higher than traditional, and are more better behaved than traditional as well. But thats another post.

Delila12
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:05 PM
That's sad that that little girl had to go through that. I remember I had to shave my head bald because of a bad perm that my mom put in. I was in the 2nd grade, the worse that people said about me was that I looked like a boy. Luckily my teacher had already let it be known that if anybody said anything about my hair, they would have to deal with her. I miss this days because my hair was my last thought. I was sad for the first day, and didn't care after that. If I ever had a daughter, I would let her know she is beautiful everyday, and if we both have to rock the same hairstyle for her to feel good about herself, then that's what I'll do.
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earthtone
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:07 PM
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What I really admired about this mother is that she cut her hair own off as short as her daughter's to get her through that. She said that she explained to her daughter that it is just hair and that it will grow back and that it doesn't really define her as a person. What an awesome lady. She says her daughter's hair could barely be held by rubberbands. Needless to say, she no longer goes to that hairstylist whom offered to do her child's hair for no charge for a year.

Quoting truly.a.taurus:

How sad for the girl. Her hair will grow back but the hurt may be difficult to deal with and could have lasting effects. I'm glad to hear the mom addressed the problem head on and is able to home school. Kids can be so cruel.


SunFlower700
by Gold Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:14 PM

That is sad.  I think I would have done the same as the mother and home schooled.  There really isn't anything the school can do, as this type of behaviour (the teasing) starts at home.  I would rather home school than have my daughter depressed and worse. 

I remember in my youngest son's class one time, there was a little girl who lost all of her hair fighting for her life (she was diagnosed with leukemia (sp?)).  A letter was sent home to the parents about her and to discuss with their child about not teasing her.  Fortunately, all the children in the my son's school were very good and supportive of her.

MyJaidon
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:21 PM
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This is one of the main reasons i went Natural. Our perception of beauty as a community needs to change. When I have this little girl she will know that her hair and skin is beautiful because God made her this way, and he makes no mistakes.
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earthtone
by Silver Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 7:25 PM

Yeah, I agree. Unfortunately, I heard these words from a cousin growing up. She never dated 'dark' men because she didn't want to have 'dark kids'. Sad thing is she went through lighter complexed men like she changed her underwear. She finally, at the age of 47, married a man that was darker than her. And she is VERY happy!!

I work constantly with my daughter on this. What I"ve noticed is that she's not really paying attention to hair, skin color, etc. She's liked by alot of kids of different ethnicities and ages.  I think its because she's an outgoing person. Which was the total opposite of me at her age.  

The lady was working too fast and put that junk in her child's hair. She mentioned something about her normally getting  nystatin (??????) in her hair.  I don't know, apparently it's some product that does not have the chemicals of a relaxer but helps manage virgin hair. Anyway, she said that since both jars were sitting out, she accidently put the relaxer in her hair. Ridiculous.

Quoting GoddessNDaRuff:

It's a complex that a lot of blacks have. We've all heard of those who only want babies with white, latino, or light skin blacks so that their kids will be light skinned with "good" hair. It's sad and they pass it on to their children who take it to school and poor lil girls like the one you described get the brunt of it. The saddest thing I've ever witnessed was a 3 year old girl telling me she wasn't pretty because her skin is too dark and her hair isn't like Hannah Montana. It made me and her mom really upset. My MIL said that when she found out she was having a girl with my SIL she prayed she'd be light skin so she didn't get teased like my MIL did for being dark. I really hope if I ever have a lil girl she never feels less than because of her complexion or the length of her hair.

On a side note how the hell does a stylist accidentally relax someone's hair?


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