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Where is the LINE? How do you know she has crossed it?

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:19 AM
  • 9 Replies

I've seen it. You've seen it. We've all seen the pair---the overly doting mother who crosses the line with her male child and makes him like a "little" husband. WE've also seen the mother make her daughter her bestfriend sharing too much info with them and including them in adult conversations.


I wonder is it easy to know when a mother has crossed over into not letting her child be a child. What are some of the actions that happen and make you know the line was crossed?

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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:19 AM
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Replies (1-9):
PurplWildFlower
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:35 AM

 Good question... I think for a son/mother relationship one sign is the mother having a strong emotional connection to his relationship.  She gets upset when he likes a certain young lady because of a) it's just something about her b) she is not the 'one' c) you need to move on (for examples)  IMO - momma has crossed the line, now if you witness unhealthy behavior or any forms of abuse by all means speak up. Don't let it ruin your day, or cry, beg and plead with your son --say whatever you have to say and let it be... 

LanaisSky96
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:37 AM
Ummm... I love my mom and all my aunts, but they were those women who crossed the line with me. I knew too much before my 17th birthday.
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happinessforyou
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:18 AM

I've seen everything from moms/dads doing their kid's homework, to a previous boss calling the young teens asking them if they were going to make their shift, (waking them up, telling them they are late etc), to my older sister talking about her DH's infidelity in front of her kids. TMI!!!!

Dana267
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 6:31 PM

BUMP!

krisdev67
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 10:50 AM

 *shrugs* what are we going to do to stop them from "crossing the emotional" like with their own kids?  What talk with them?  So, what is that going to do?  I have a cousin that is 54, has a 33y/o, 32 y/o and 10 y/o daughters.  The 10 year old is her confidant!  Her adult daughters have told her to STOP this, yet she continues to do so.  The 10y/o is parentified and enjoys listening to adult conversations.  *shrugs* I just don't have a private conversation with her because she'll tell the 10y/o anyway AND it's not my child NOR do I have to raise her.

I have an Aunt that does the same thing to ALL of her children.  They know all of her business...  She tells them EVERYTHING, mainly the oldest daughter even though she has a son that's 6 years older than the daughter.

We can all find people that do that and even if you say something to them most of the time they resent it.  IMO as long as I don't have to worry about raising them I'm good. 

In regards to our children ending up dating/marrying an adult of a parent like that...whew! I PRAY ALL THE TIME that neither one of my kids fall in love with someone like that.  But then again once you have a Mom that's that controlling they typically limit outsiders...

Kdsangel
by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:16 PM

I think you can tell when the parent allows their child to disrespect or ignore an adult because they have an issue with them. Anyone under 18 imo is obligated to do a couple  of things and one of them is respect any adult that you come in contact with. 

And its sad but we can't do anything about this.  Everyone has to raise their own children. Community based parenting no longer exist so if I see someones kid doing something, I'm only saying something if I know you're actually going to do something about it. I'm an adult I don't need to lie on your kid so there's no need for a sit down. Handle yours because I'm definitely handling mine.

CoolRelax
by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:34 PM

My mom was the one who would tell too much about adult situations, then expect me to still act like a kid.  My dad told her over and over that I would get older and be mad about it.  He was right, I resented her for it for a long time.  I'm determined not to to that with my girls.  I don't know how to prevent it when someone else is doing it (it's their kid) but to prevent it personally, I'll keep my adult friends.  Sometimes it's just that simple: if you have someone to talk to you don't need a kid to fill the role.

Stormywaters03
by Gold Member on Feb. 9, 2012 at 1:00 PM

 I won't say it's over the line since it's not my child, but there are some cringe-worthy moments I hate to see:

Adults not letting kids be kids.  They don't need to know your adult problems.  I hate to hear...."no you can't have new shoes because your daddy hasn't paid child support in 5 months" or "no you can't go skating because I have to pay the lights by the tomorrow or they get cut off."  Kids shouldn't be worried about bills.  Knowing that money doesn't grow on trees is different than a 7 year old sitting in his room worried about doing his homework in the dark because blah blah blah happened and blah blah blah didn't happen. I would just say no, that's not in our budget right now or whatever, they don't need to know all the things that are stressing YOU about maintaining the household.

Kids interjecting in grown folks conversations.  I'm trying to imagine my mamas face if I joined in on grown folks talking like some of the kids I'm around.  Really?  If grown folks were talking, we weren't even allowed in the room!  You'd walk in, ask your question and go outside cuz "grown folks are talking."  It really irritates me when kids are up in my conversation.  ESPECIALLY if the parent doesn't say anything!

Same thing goes for a kid interrupting grown people!  Those kids that cut you off mid-sentence 'cuz they want to tell/ask their mama _____.  I'm not talking a toddler, I'm talking these pre-teens and teens just walking in the room and stopping conversation so they can ask where the remote control is.

Princess223
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 1:19 PM


Quoting Dana267:

I've seen it. You've seen it. We've all seen the pair---the overly doting mother who crosses the line with her male child and makes him like a "little" husband. Callin' a lil'boy a lil' man boils My blood, he's not a MAN nuttin'. WE've also seen the mother make her daughter her bestfriend sharing too much info with them and including them in adult conversations. The ones I've come across have no RESPECT for their Mama whatsoeva'.

I wonder is it easy to know when a mother has crossed over into not letting her child be a child. Tellin' a lil' boy he's the man of the house is real stoopid. What are some of the actions that happen and make you know the line was crossed? When U meet one that tells the Mama what to do and she does it. Who talks to the Mama as IF they are on the same LEVEL.

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