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S/O If a woman keeps making the wrong choices

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:24 PM
  • 7 Replies

 What if a woman or man for this question has had several overall healthy relationships, with family members, friends, past romantic relationships etc. throughout their life.  Then they get into a relationship and there significant other starts to point out things that they have never heard before, basically the opposite of what had been confirmed through these other relationships.  Does the person who is doing the finger pointing have the problem?  Or the person with a healthy past of relationships?

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:24 PM
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atlshine
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:41 PM
Please provide an example
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PurplWildFlower
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 12:53 PM

 Ok - his name is Anthony - he has 2 brothers and 1 sister.  He is the oldest has a pretty normal childhood and couple of traumatic experiences, nothing he couldnt work through.  He had a decent relationship with his mom and dad - altough not together it was rather typical. A good relationship with his sibling. Anthony has lots of friends throughout school, church etc.  He is well liked, has a big heart, and trusts people too much.  This is his down fall, he has to sift through all the friends to find the ones that are truly his and has kept several of them on different levels of friendship for over 12-15 years.  Anthony has been in a few relationships and only one real serious one - although not too healthy, he gets out.  They have a daughter together.  He gets his own place has moved on from the emotionally abusive bm/ex-gf and his starting anew.  He dates casually, holds a job and is a God fearing man.  A few years later, he finds love.  He falls hard and fast and after about 18 months of dating he pops the question she says yes they get married.  Anthony is a good provider, overall good guy.  New wife starts to complain about his personality, he is selfish, not loving enough she is a Debby Downer - the opposite of him.  He is confused because he has never heard these complaints from any other relationship he has had.  Who has the problem?

Delila12
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:23 PM
Neither. You said he fell for her fast, maybe they both just need some understanding of one another. Maybe they just need some more communication. Where she is saying he is selfish, maybe he thinks he is doing it for overall good. And where she is seen as a Debbie downer, maybe she is really just a realist and prefers reality over fantasy. Idk.
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GoddessNDaRuff
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:27 PM

This one is hard because it may be changes in behavior that are occuring in that particular relationship or it may be the person pointing fingers trying to deflect.

GoddessNDaRuff
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 1:31 PM


Quoting PurplWildFlower:

 Ok - his name is Anthony - he has 2 brothers and 1 sister.  He is the oldest has a pretty normal childhood and couple of traumatic experiences, nothing he couldnt work through.  He had a decent relationship with his mom and dad - altough not together it was rather typical. A good relationship with his sibling. Anthony has lots of friends throughout school, church etc.  He is well liked, has a big heart, and trusts people too much.  This is his down fall, he has to sift through all the friends to find the ones that are truly his and has kept several of them on different levels of friendship for over 12-15 years.  Anthony has been in a few relationships and only one real serious one - although not too healthy, he gets out.  They have a daughter together.  He gets his own place has moved on from the emotionally abusive bm/ex-gf and his starting anew.  He dates casually, holds a job and is a God fearing man.  A few years later, he finds love.  He falls hard and fast and after about 18 months of dating he pops the question she says yes they get married.  Anthony is a good provider, overall good guy.  New wife starts to complain about his personality, he is selfish, not loving enough she is a Debby Downer - the opposite of him.  He is confused because he has never heard these complaints from any other relationship he has had.  Who has the problem?

Hmm....In what ways is he selfish? How is he with her vs. other people? Sometimes people don't realize that they are treating the person they are with cold while being warm to others. It is just an issue they need to sit down and talk out with specifics. Neither may have a true issue but it's some need not being met by the other person that is important to the person complaining.

SexyDiva19
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:07 PM



Quoting Delila12:

Neither. You said he fell for her fast, maybe they both just need some understanding of one another. Maybe they just need some more communication. Where she is saying he is selfish, maybe he thinks he is doing it for overall good. And where she is seen as a Debbie downer, maybe she is really just a realist and prefers reality over fantasy. Idk.

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ksbondgirl
by Bond's Girl on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:12 PM

Neither.  We base relationships by who we know and where we have been in life.  It depends on the two people in the relationship.

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