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had two debates with my dh! *piog

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:45 AM
  • 10 Replies
#1. We just moved to Irving texas. And since we've been here(today is the second sunday) I havent went to church because I havent visited any churches over here by our apartment. So I told dh last night the kids and I were going to visit a church today and he got a lil irritated and said thats not the way youre suppose to do things. You dont just visit every church until you find the right one. And that it was silly that I felt like I needed to be in a church to praise god. Now how else do/did you find your church? We have no friends or family here.

#2. Our kids wake up at 7am here and he wants to make them go back and lay in there beds until he wakes up. But I dont feel like they should have too. Because I am always already awoke just still lying in bed with him. So I just get up, feed them, go to the bathroom, put on outside clothes, take the dogs outside, and then come back in to take a shower and wash the kids after I load the dishwasher. But he said I undermised(sp) him in front of our kids. Cause I said "its ok bay im up." When he tried to tell dd1(3.5 yrs old) to go lay back in her bed. But she was sick yesterday so when I heard her say she was hungry I jumped up lol. But do you think I did undermise him in front of her? Cause if i did I need to apologize because I was wrong.
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by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:45 AM
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0Kit0
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:58 PM

You did not undermine him. The child was hungry, it's 7am. That's not a horrible time to wake up. If anything, IMO, sleeping much later sends the message that it's ok to sleep the day away. There are some circumstances in which it's appropriate due to certain lifestyles. But honestly, if your child is going to bed before 9, by the time 7 am rolls around, that tiny belly has had no food for 10 hours. As long as you are up with the kids and taking care of them, and making sure they don't disturb him, he should have nothing to complain about.

I don't really do church but when I was thinking about going, yes, checking out some of the churches around the area was what I thought about doing. I know some people whose churches I could check out, some just have a large congregation, some are small and right along the way. IMO, the make up of the church is important to me. I needed there to be a younger population within the church as well as the culture of the church meeting my "needs" or "concerns". That type of thing. You only learn about it by shopping around. I hope your husband didn't think one was going to jump out and beckon you to walk in on a particular Sunday.

SunFlower700
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 4:26 PM
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7 am is not early for a child to get up.  Part of being a parent is giving up the luxury to sleep in a few hours when your children are young.

I probably would have done the same as you with the church debate.  If you don't go out and at least try out a few different churches of your faith, how will you know which church is the right fit for you.  How will you make friends in a city / town where you have no family (except husband and the kids) and friends.  He sounds like someone who maybe has a hard time making friends in the beginning.

.Peaches.
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 5:38 PM
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#1- Soo...how else are you supposed to find a church if you don't visit them? If I'm not mistaken, churches know that people visit...that's why they have these neat little things called 'vistor's cards', duhhhh. How does your husband propose y'all find a church then? He seems very resistant to the idea of 'getting out there', because I've never heard of not visiting churches to find the right one- that's insane. I mean, would he buy a house he hasn't seen yet, or purchase a car without a test drive?

#2- She doesn't understand what 'undermine' means. All she knows is that she's awake and she's hungry. If he doesn't want to get up fine, but why should everyone else in the house have to lay in the bed until he's ready to get up, especially if there's already someone up? Now, I have rule and that is that nobody is allowed to get up and wander around the house before 8 or 9 (depending on what time I get up). This is simply because if my S/O hasn't already gone to work, he's got to be to work later on, so I try to let him sleep...this man pulls 12+ hour days on the regular, without complaint! So, about 8 or 9, one of my kids, usually my youngest two, come in the room and say "Mommy, I'm hungry." I go fix them breakfast, and they go back into their rooms to play- that's just to keep the noise levels in the living room (which is near our bedroom) down so that my S/O can sleep. Around 10, I let them come into the living room, I just shut our bedroom door. I feel that 10 is a more reasonable hour for them to start screaming and shouting and playing versus 8 AM.

supermom664
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 9:28 PM
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What time do your dh wake up? when my kids were that age I got up when they got up and my dh got up shortly after that, we both shared the responsibilities of cooking breakfast and getting them ready for the day...my dh would never lay in bed while I cooked & took care if the kids and if he did I would demand he got his behind up too
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misssy2000
by Gold Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:47 PM
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 We usually pray that God will show us a good church homes and pray it has the things that we all need a great children's ministry, close to our house, great worship service. THen we go and visite Churches then  Before marriage dh went to church in Vallejo and I went with him for a while but I hated driving so long for church and once we had the kids that was done. We want to be very involved in our church home and you cant do that if you have to drive an hour there. So together we started visiting churches in the area. l dh kinda takes the lead on our church home, he picks a place  he likes and if I like it to we go there. If I don't we keep looking.

I dont make my kids lay back down if they are up, I go out and cut on the tv, give them some raisin bread (dd can use the toster) if I ain't ready to cook for them and then go back to bed. If the babies up i have no choice but to get up but my 3 year old and my 5 year old know how to fend for themselves. Dd can work the tivo and the netficks and will put on something approved until we wake. I would not say you were being disrespectful unless he told them something and you told them something different in front of them. I guess I would have waited until we were not taking in front of the kids and told him that you don't mind getting up with them or at least getting them some things and going back to bed.

iluvmyrcaj
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:17 PM
Exactly!!!!!


Quoting 0Kit0:

You did not undermine him. The child was hungry, it's 7am. That's not a horrible time to wake up. If anything, IMO, sleeping much later sends the message that it's ok to sleep the day away. There are some circumstances in which it's appropriate due to certain lifestyles. But honestly, if your child is going to bed before 9, by the time 7 am rolls around, that tiny belly has had no food for 10 hours. As long as you are up with the kids and taking care of them, and making sure they don't disturb him, he should have nothing to complain about.

I don't really do church but when I was thinking about going, yes, checking out some of the churches around the area was what I thought about doing. I know some people whose churches I could check out, some just have a large congregation, some are small and right along the way. IMO, the make up of the church is important to me. I needed there to be a younger population within the church as well as the culture of the church meeting my "needs" or "concerns". That type of thing. You only learn about it by shopping around. I hope your husband didn't think one was going to jump out and beckon you to walk in on a particular Sunday.


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maccheese
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 12:57 AM
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He's trippin'. Is it that time of the month for him? :)

Carma998
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 6:40 AM

I don't believe you undermined your husband. Your children are young. I got up with my kids when they were that young. If I'm not working, I still get up with my 13 year old to make sure he takes his vitamins and eats breakfast. I hug him, tell him I love him and tell him to have a good day. My husband says I baby him.  I disagree. We just do things differently. Mothers and fathers approach things differently. I don't tell him how to spend his time with our son and I expect the same courtesy.  On a major issue we would, of course, discuss it and make the decision together, but in my opinion, whether or not to get up with the kids in a non-issue.  I would have done exactly what you did.  As far as finding a church...there is no way to find out which church is going to be a good fit for you unless you check them out. My church is 13 miles from my house. Like a previous poster said...they aren't going to come and knock on your door.  How does your husband think you should find a church? What did he suggest?  What did he think you should do about the kids?  Stay in bed and let them be hungry?  Is your husband the type of man who feels like you should honor his wishes because he's the man of the house? My husband was that man, but I've had 20 years to teach him that I'm his wife not one of his children and we are partners in this thig.  He's not my boss.

ysmgator
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 6:49 AM
This is exactly what I was thinking.

Quoting Carma998:

I don't believe you undermined your husband. Your children are young. I got up with my kids when they were that young. If I'm not working, I still get up with my 13 year old to make sure he takes his vitamins and eats breakfast. I hug him, tell him I love him and tell him to have a good day. My husband says I baby him.  I disagree. We just do things differently. Mothers and fathers approach things differently. I don't tell him how to spend his time with our son and I expect the same courtesy.  On a major issue we would, of course, discuss it and make the decision together, but in my opinion, whether or not to get up with the kids in a non-issue.  I would have done exactly what you did.  As far as finding a church...there is no way to find out which church is going to be a good fit for you unless you check them out. My church is 13 miles from my house. Like a previous poster said...they aren't going to come and knock on your door.  How does your husband think you should find a church? What did he suggest?  What did he think you should do about the kids?  Stay in bed and let them be hungry?  Is your husband the type of man who feels like you should honor his wishes because he's the man of the house? My husband was that man, but I've had 20 years to teach him that I'm his wife not one of his children and we are portners in this things.  He's not my boss.


momandher8
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 7:39 AM

The ladies all make sense here... I think you can honor your god where ever you are, however it does make sense to go to the church to get a feeling of it... and not only that to get out and make friends... 

You both should get up when the baby gets up especially since she was sick, she is going to be extra hungry.. you both need to sit and talk about that move.. because he is going to have to understand your point of view and not think automatically that you are trying to attack him, tell him that you are trying to help keep the flow of your family going, and that the children are very important... he needs to think about them before he thinks about his feelings and what you are doing in front of them... pray and walk in love, men can be the biggest kids besides the kids you have.. much love to you and your family

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