Let me get this straight, and correct me if I'm wrong?
Quoting supermom664:Seeing that you guys are not getting alone living under the same roof would he consider going away to college, the Army, or maybe Job Corp...that way he can be out of your house and also getting and education or learning a trade so that he will be able to survive and take care of himself....Seriously, if you just throw him out without any life skill you may end up not having to worry about where he's living because he could end up in the custody of the State Department of Corrections or even worst
My ds turned 19 last month, he's away in college doing excellent in his studies but there is No Way in this world he would be able to properly take care of himself...he just learned to do his own laundry last year before leaving for college, yeah yeah I know that's my fault...I'm just saying. He called me yesterday asking how to check his bank acct. online, he asked if he needed to use our home zip code or the schools zip code, for him to be such a smart young man I thought it should have been self explanatory but it just goes to show he still need's my help & guidance
I'm not kicking you when you're down, hell I'm reading the suggestions too, because I know that sometimes, despite doing your very best, kids go south somewhere and it seems too late almost over night, like how did it get this bad so quickly?
I'm helping a close friend through something similar right now. Her son is 12 and he is a hellion! He has more support than I have ever seen directed at one child. He has close friends of the family, big brothers, mentors, tutors, teachers that have taken a special interest in him, even police officers that come to his school to check on him and sit with him at lunch. And yet, and despite all of this, he does everything he can to drive his mama crazy. He lies so much. His teachers will email her from their phones after an incident because he lies on them so much. She will demand to see his homework (after he's lied about doing it) and he'll say it's at school. He'll get in trouble for it, and do it again the very next day, throwing out an "I'm sorry" that really sounds like "fuck you and your feelings." The other day he lied about eating popcorn, while the entire house smelled like it...it was a rhetorical question since it was obvious and his mama doesn't care about him eating food, but he lied anyway, just to lie. His latest passive aggressive act is to "forget" things so she spends all of her time being late to work or doctors appointments having to circle back. He'll go to tutoring and forget his backpack. He'll get off the bus and have left his key, now she has to leave work early. Yesterday he just walked out of class. They gave him after school detention and banned him from a class trip (which she wasn't going to let him go on anyway), so to further the punishment, she called the school and said no, give him in school suspension instead (which is worse). She has tried talking, reasoning, beating, punishing, contracts they both sign, taking things away, and giving incentives. NOTHING WORKS.
At this point, I have no suggestions for her because I truly feel she's doing everything she can! My next suggestion is going to be to send his ass to Switzerland because he is literally killing her. Yesterday, her blood pressure was 154/108 and that's WITH medication. Today, she's not going to work because she has a doctor's appointment where they will decide whether or not to admit her. The only help she has is me and her mother, and her mother informed her yesterday that she's washing her hands of him now.
Stress kills, and like she said yesterday, it's getting to the point where it's either him or her and she has another child to think of as well.
I'm going to see if she's thought of boot camp since summer is coming up, and if there are any programs to help her pay for it.
Keep the suggestions coming ladies!
Quoting supermom664:
Would your ds be allowed back after he graduate from college? It hard out here for more then a Pimp, lol
Quoting ikesmommy:I left at 16 =)
Only way my child is staying long-term is if he is college and doesn't want to stay on campus. In that case, he can extend his living arrangement. No slackers in my home. Shape up or ship out. They MUST be self-sufficient in the event something happens to us. They cannot be if they are spending their early adult years leeching off of us and not expanding their horizons.
Of course there will be exceptions, like recent graduations, CAREER searches, saving to purchase a home, etc etc.
Quoting supermom664:
You left and did what?? How did you support yourself at 16?
Quoting ikesmommy:I left at 16 =)
Only way my child is staying long-term is if he is college and doesn't want to stay on campus. In that case, he can extend his living arrangement. No slackers in my home. Shape up or ship out. They MUST be self-sufficient in the event something happens to us. They cannot be if they are spending their early adult years leeching off of us and not expanding their horizons.
I initially left to stay with my birth father in another state but after a short span, a cousin of mine that just got out the air force and I rented an apartment for a little over a year in NC. The rent was only $650 and when my cousin's girlfriend moved in, I was paying about $250 including utilities. I got by first on a McDonalds check and then on measly temp jobs that I could get since I was still young and had little experience. But at that time, my rent and a prepaid cell phone were the only two bills I had. I didnt have a car, and everything was either a bike ride or bus ride away. When I graduated high school, I had already been accepted to UNC-W on scholarship and I moved into the dorm in the late summer, about a month before our lease ended.
Sometimes, I think back and wish things were still that simple =) But I don't miss not knowing where my next meal was going to come from when the dining halls were closed, how long the temp job would last, or trying to figure out where I was going to stay during college intersession when I couldn't live in the dorms =( But I learned a lot about self-suffiency, and I expect my children to learn the same.
education or seek employment that will offer career options!
Let him know that you will let him stay if he abide by house rules. Placing a young man of 18 on the streets is asking for trouble, but giving him options helps him make better choices if you do!
GOOD LUCK
questuon about relaxers
- mamaofficer
on Mar. 24, 2012 at 5:58 PM