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Strawberry Letter 4/18/12

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 8:05 AM
  • 12 Replies

 

I Divorced My Husband - Now I Want Him Back

Dear Steve and Shirley, When my husband and I were engaged, I found out, after returning from travels, that he cheated on me. I took the ring off and called off our engagement. I calmly told him that I am not in for this kind of relationship and since you are still searching, go ahead and find what you are looking for. Well, he apologized (after not speaking to me for a week) and said he wants me in his life and he is sure about this. We stayed engaged for about 5 months and then got married. Everything was going great! I mean great in every sense of the word (at least as I saw it). He has not indicated otherwise either. Anyway, just this past July 2011, I found out (after missing monies from our accounts) he has been on dating sites, cheating, etc. I called him on it and guess what, that was the end of our marriage. He did not even try to discuss the issues. I got the silent treatment and he moved to a different room in the house, where he was busy on chat lines, sex chats, etc. I tried to reach out to him several times to see if we can discuss this as adults so that we each know the deal. He won't communicate with me. felt extremely ignored and belittled and filed for divorce and got it. He signed the divorce papers like nothing. I wasn't even worth his time so not sure why he married me in the first place. I believe the marriage was merely a marriage of convenience for him at the time. Anyway, he left the home when the divorce was final in January. He did not say a word and I have not heard a thing from him since his departure. So he's angry, but what about what he is doing to me? I felt so alone, sad and neglected, emotionally, physically and in more ways than one. How could someone love you so much, yet, leave you like you never existed? I love this man and willing to work with him again. I love and although we are divorced, hoping and wishing he will someday return to try a relationship again. Doesn't look like that's even a remote possibility. But again, my heart desires no other but him. I truly love this man more than I could tell you. I was too hurt and ignored and thought the thought of divorce will have him rethink what he is doing. It didn't. Seemed like that was something he wanted anyway. I miss him Steve and he is my exact match in every sense of the word. I want this man back in my life. I was hoping that you (Steve) or Shirely can either call me or contact me someway to help me with this. I don't care if you need to use this for your show, anyway you see fit. Just help get us two together again! I know this is NOT a mistake and I am certain that we will be the couple in your history books to remember. Please help!

by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 8:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krisdev67
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:25 AM
2 moms liked this

 She needs to just let him go.  I can understand if he communicated his feelings to her, he refused to sign the divorce paperwork and boo hooed and cried because he didn't want a divorce.  But he didn't.  So why in the world does she want him back.

If he hasn't changed and hasn't shown that he's changed then why bother with figuring out a way to get him back.  What she needs to do is work through her feelings for him and begin the process of purging him out of her system. Or at least move him to another place in her heart.  She needs to focus on self and why she wants someone that would treat her that way and not care that he hurt her.

Bunsmommy
by Ruby Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Ughhh! So basically she doesn't care if he continues to cheat on her. In that case there was no use in expounding time, energy, and money on the divorce bc her try at presenting him w/an ultimatum was a true example of an epic failure. From the moment she confronted him about the missing money and the dating sites he showed he had no interest in her feelings or what she had to say about the situation he didn't give a damn! It's almost like he said to her w/o opening his mouth "you knew this was who I am". Her wanting to take him back w/o covering not only the issue of infedelity but his inability to communicate like an adult is a recipe for disaster! If he's not even considering how this effected her or how he hurt her and was able to just let the marriage go, I think he realizes what she needs to go beat in her head, marriage was not for him.
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Bunsmommy
by Ruby Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I also think he had another relationship waiting w/open arms for him!
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GoddessNDaRuff
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

She is crazy. Leave that man alone. He obviously doesn't care about or respect her. She is playing a dangersous game trying to win him back and making herself look crazy and desperate in the process. The people in her life who love her really need to surround her and let her know she is better off without him.

kitty068
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 10:57 AM

Oh God, why do women feel they have to settle for shit like this.  She is feeling alone and believes that being with somebody, anybody will make her happy.  She must be miserable in order to want to invite that misery back into her life. I hope she realizes that the best thing that has happened to her is that he is GONE. 

Bunsmommy
by Ruby Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 11:09 AM
For her to first say this, already shows she's not thinking w/a clear head; "I felt so alone, sad and neglected, emotionally, physically and in more ways than one." Right now, she's focused on the physical aspect, of her failed marriage. People love to presume it's only men that think w/their private parts, however there's a whole lot of women who only think w/their lady parts. "How could someone love you so much, yet, leave you like you never existed? I love this man and willing to work with him again" she has no concept of who she is, bc she is willingly accepting this man to come back in her life and cheat on her. Not to mention, how the hell can you work w/a MF that has no desire to work w/you?
It's stupid stuff like this that pisses me off bc it's situations like this that continues to make ppl think women are all stupid! Stop just accepting dumb shit, if a person shows you who they are believe them! If they don't show you they're willing to change or that they give a damn about your feelings, that's not the MF you need to be with! I'd rather die alone loving me than sacrifice my sanity and peace of mind just to say I got a "husssssssband"!
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kitty068
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 12:15 PM

True dat BUNSMOMMY, and this is where I agree with Steve Harvey, we have to have some requirements of these men, and make it clear and stick to it. And I agree with you I'd rather die alone than to  be with someone and have no peace of mind.  And there is no way she loves him, because she does not love herself.

memekisses
by on Apr. 18, 2012 at 12:29 PM
Dangerously in love.
She wants to say she's hurt but then wants him back? She's either a fool, or she doesn't care enoigh about her self. Even if he DID come back, you know he's gonna do it all again!
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msgamom
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 1:48 PM
That is so true. She is in denial. He do not want you and begging for him back is only making it worse. Go out do something with your time so you can get your mind off him and find you someone that will respect you for your worth.


Quoting kitty068:

True dat BUNSMOMMY, and this is where I agree with Steve Harvey, we have to have some requirements of these men, and make it clear and stick to it. And I agree with you I'd rather die alone than to  be with someone and have no peace of mind.  And there is no way she loves him, because she does not love herself.


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4kings1queen
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2012 at 1:48 PM
You need help sister. If you confront him for cheating and he files for divorce, thats it. When he cheated the first time you shouldve spent more than a week away from him. She probably begged him to come back. That probably let him know he had you then.
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