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Dear Prudie My late husband's mistress wants to come to the funeral...the nerve of some people!

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:43 PM
  • 62 Replies

My husband had a lengthy affair that I discovered shortly before he suffered a fatal heart attack. His best friend has told me that my husband's girlfriend wants to attend the funeral with her two adolescent children. Apparently her children knew and adored my husband, although I don't think they realize he's married with children of his own. The girlfriend wants to give her devastated children an opportunity for closure. I can tell my husband's best friend expects me to "be the bigger person" and allow the girlfriend and her kids to attend. But I am in turmoil right now, and seeing those three at the funeral would make an incredibly painful day that much worse. Am I a bad person for banning these people from the funeral? What do I do if they show up anyway?

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlshine
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:54 PM
Ignore them if they come but tell him they are not welcome.
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.Peaches.
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:57 PM
3 moms liked this

Um, she first needs to find out if the girlfriend realized that he was married. Then ban them from coming.

If they do show up, call the cops. Easy peasy lemon-squeezy.

Carma998
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:08 PM
6 moms liked this

I know he's dead, but Im sure the husband would be appalled at the idea of the police showing up at his funeral.  Does the wife really want to make a scene at the funeral.  I know, for some, it seems nervy for this woman to show up at the funeral, but this man voluntarily entered into the relationship with her.  There may be some other women at the church he had an affair with also. I wouldn't pay attention to who's there. The relationship is definitely over now.  Let everyone who knew and cared about this man say goodbye. Is she going to be looking around and over her shoulder to make sure the woman and her kids don't show up?  It just seems like too much to worry about while making the final arrangements for her husband. Show up...who cares? I wouldn't.  The mistress is the one who will have to explain to her children that mom has been carrying on an affair for years with a man who didn't care enough about them or cared too deeply for his legitimate family to leave.  At this point, what exactly is she trying to prove or prevent by not wanting thiem to be at service.  Does she think there will be some kind of spiritual connection with her dead husband? The man is dead. Let it go!

Litlmama87
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:15 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree.

The funeral is not about the wife. Her husband chose to carry on a lengthy relationship with this other woman & her children. His wife doesn't have to say anything, explain anything, just let it be.

It's all over and done with.

Everybody say goodbye, pay their respects, & move on.


Quoting Carma998:

I know he's dead, but Im sure the husband would be appalled at the idea of the police showing up at his funeral.  Does the wife really want to make a scene at the funeral.  I know, for some, it seems nervy for this woman to show up at the funeral, but this man voluntarily entered into the relationship with her.  There may be some other women at the church he had an affair with also. I wouldn't pay attention to who's there. The relationship is definitely over now.  Let everyone who knew and cared about this man say goodbye. Is she going to be looking around and over her shoulder to make sure the woman and her kids don't show up?  It just seems like too much to worry about while making the final arrangements for her husband. Show up...who cares? I wouldn't.  The mistress is the one who will have to explain to her children that mom has been carrying on an affair for years with a man who didn't care enough about them or cared too deeply for his legitimate family to leave.  At this point, what exactly is she trying to prove or prevent by not wanting thiem to be at service.  Does she think there will be some kind of spiritual connection with her dead husband? The man is dead. Let it go!

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iluvdwc
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:51 PM
The guy has passed...unless the wife plans to stress herself by having an invitation only funeral, I'd allow them to come. What's done is done and he's "moved on" so she should also.
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msgamom
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:56 PM

Also who to say like pp stated that he she is the only mistress at the funeral. Let this family say their last respect and move on with your life. 

ChantalsMom
by Chantalsmom on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:05 PM

I can't give an honest answer because I am not in the situation. I can only assume what I (would) do and I don't want to do that...so here's a bump.

RobinSun
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:06 PM
WOW! I agree with peaches.
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Princess223
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:17 PM
2 moms liked this

My Daddy's younger wife left him 6 months before he had a major aneurysm for another man. I had to place him in a rest home, go through changes because they were still married. He was there for 3 years and I took care of him, she had 3 kids he helped raise. I dared the wife to show up, if she did we were gonna' make history, cause I was gonna' whoop that ass like I owned it. I saw on the signing book at the funeral home she went and viewed his body. She asked My older brother could she attend the funeral. My brother asked Me because I was in charged, she had no RESPECT for him living, and the skank ass better not show up. She did'nt.


GoddessNDaRuff
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM
2 moms liked this

She is disrespectful for trying to show up to the funeral. She can take her kids to the grave site after the family. How painful would that be for HIS children to have them there? I would not allow them there either. The mistress should leave the family be. That's what happens when you are the sideline. You wants don't matter. Your feelings don't matter. Now if she had a child with the man I'd feel differently but those kids were not his. She could have some decency and respect for the family to keep her damn distance during this time. Go to the grave site and never contact his family. Sheesh. Sideline hoes need to learn their place will always be in the way back unseen.

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