Since i liked your page back in Jan I have wanted to send u this email. Ive wrote it so many times but deleted it. But today the plot thickened and i figured why not. I need someone to tell this to...put youre reading glasses on because its gonna be a while...here goes my story:
I am a 24 yr old single mother...i have a 20 month old daughter. When i found out i was pregnant with her my baby daddy and i were more friends with benefits rather than bf/gf...before i foubd out i was pregnant things were great. I thought he might actually be boyfriend material. At the time he had a 4 yr old daughter and triplets on the way. He wasnt with ether of the baby moms for whatever reason but he was a sweet heart. But arent they all.....so he and i were sexing...for about a month or two...and i come up pregnant....when i told him his first reaction was im here for u no matter what....when he found out i wanted to have the baby he changed things up to you know i got triplets on the way...i cant afford another child. So for the first three months of my pregnancy the only conversation we had consisted of telling me how much he hated me and i was a jumpoff and fuck me and my child. It was to the point that every night i thought about suicide.
Around the new year 2011 he sent me a text saying that he was sorry for all the things he said. I forgave him. We started hanging out again. We decided we should be cordial for the baby sake. Well needless to say we started back having sex and i was in a happy place. I was a full time student at night so he started telling me that after he got off work i wouldn't hear from him because he was going to do some extra work to get money. So after about 5pm i wouldnt hear from him until about 7am the next morning. Zane i may be young but im no dummy. So i got enough proof to prove he was lying. He denied it. When Valentine's day came i brought him a pair of 230$ shoes. He wrote me a sappy ass poem...awww right...no i found out the next day on facebook he gave another girl the same damn poem. So i cut my ties with him. About two months later here he goes waltzing back in my life. Im seven months pregnant. We come to an understanding again...dont let feelings get involved. We start having sex again...i fall for him but by now i know hes with her and im like oh well fuck it...im pregnant with his child the least he can do is fuck me good...well waiting for the arrival of our baby he doesnt help me with anything. He didnt buy a single pack of wipes or diapers. Not a onesie or blanket. Everything my dauggter has was because of me. When i say something to him his girlfriend who is 32 by the way with 3 kids of her own sends me a message on fb and says im a pathetic woman trying to make him take care of a baby that he never wanted. And he didnt have to do shit for the baby til she was born. At this point im like whatever...i cant do this shit let me just get my baby in this world safely. I go to the hospital and ouy of respect for him as her father i call him to let him know. He is there the entire time. All 13 hours of labor plus.during the.c section. Once we get the baby home he stays with me to help out.
He gpes to jail when my daughter is four weeks for simple ass traffic charges driving on a suspended license. The entire time he is in jail im putting money on his book and going.to visit him. One day i go to the jail and he cant have a visit because he already had two.for the week. When he called that night i tell him i went to the jail. I asked him who came and be tells me the girlfriend.that he supposedly broke up with because he stayed with me up until he went to jail. I told him i was sick and.tired of being sick and tired. About three weeks later he gets out of jail. He comes to see our daughter then leaves and goes to see his gf. The next day he tells me its over he told her the truth and she knows about us having sex since i was four months pregnant. I dont believe him because i know he's a compulsive liar. But im horny so of course...sex it is...fast forward to 2012...he isnt the best dad...but he loves his kids. I didnt have him on child support because i wanted him to show me he could be a dad without the system getting involved ..but he has five kids...the other four get child support. His entire check goes to child support. So he hasnt ever really done anything for my daughter financially. Everything she has is because of me and my family. And i am thankful that i was blessed to be able to provide for my child and have a loving family who would spend their last on her if need be. Im nowhere near rich but i am financially stable. He knows that but he feels like less of a father because of it. He asked me to put him on child support. It took me a while but i finally did. Not because i needed the money but because he wanted to do more. She only gets 25$ a week. Her money goes to a college fund. I want her to be able to go to school with no worries in the world.
We stopped messing around back in December 2011 because things were just too much. He started to get jealous if i was with anyone else and at first it was cute but it got annoying. How dare u get mad because i wanna be with someone i can call my own when u stay with your gf. In Jan we had a slip up. I was on birth control but i still ended up pregnant. By the way he has been my only sex partner since we started messing around in 2009. When i told him i was pregnant we werent talking. We hadnt really been close since Dec. Jan was a quickie. He came to visit our daughter, she was sleep. I dont believe in waking kids up from naps too soon. One thing laid to another and after that we were back to being distant. When i told him i was pregnant he accussed me of lying and just wanting attention from him. I took a test, sent him the picture, and we decided to do lunch the next day to talk it out. The next day he basically says i have to have an abortion. At this moment i agree. I deal with another child my baby isnt even two yet. He agrees to pay the majority of it sin e it was his idea. It takes him about three weeks to come up woth the money. In the three weeks we are having sex again. Hey they say the best sex is pregnant sex. Hes telling me he loves me and blah blah blah. I believe him on the love part because he always told me he loved me. And i genuinely loved him too.
Before i go to the appointment for the abortion his girlfriend finds out im pregnant. Once she finds out he starts to tell me how much i ruined his life and he hates the ground i walk on. He calls me all.types of bitches and hoes. She found out because he made this lie up saying she knew but he denied it. His mom started calling me and saying i ruined his life and blah blah blah a bunch of DRAMA. so to clear the air i told the girlfriend the truth because i hate to be the author of confusion. Once she found out he threatened to kill me and our daughter if i didnt get the abortion. I didnt really want the abortion. I was doing it because honestly i didnt want to lose him and i difnt want my daughter to suffer for my actions. He said if i kept the baby he wouldnt be in either of my kids life. I thought i had to do this. On Mar 10th we get to the abortion clinic and i give them my military id. They wont let me go thru with the abortion because my id is expired. The lady told me to go around the corner to the money mart and get a photo id and come back monday. (I lost my license about four months prior and i was too lazy to get a new one; the new law requires them to send your license in the mail and it takes 15 days and i didnt have 15 days) i did as she said. The id i got was a bootleg id with no real validation. I go back the following Saturday because like most people i have a job plus school. This time they wont accept my id becaise its not a state issued id. Im trying to tell them that the receptionist last weel told me to get this id. They not having it. Guess i shouldve took some days off and went back Monday. Two weeks later im further along. Im now 14 weeks and the abortion is damn near 500$. At this point im like maybe this is a sign because ive tried and i just cant get rid of it. I have the money indeed but i also have bills to pay and food to put on the table. I said i was stable not rich. Stable enough to pay bills, feed and clothe me and my child. But not stable enough to take 300$ out and not miss it. In the midst if waiting for me to get the abortion he took some of his money back.
So now he finds out im not gonna grt the abortion. He is still threatening me, telling me hes gonna kill us and i ruined his life. Fuck me and my kids. Blah blab blah. His girlfriend messages me to tell me im pathetic and look stupid. He told her he only fucked me because i let him hold 100$ to pay a bill (her light bill) and i told him instead of giving me the money back he could give me the dick instead. At the end of the day i was gonna be sguck taking care of my two kids he never wanted alone and he was gonna be at home taking care of and spending time with her and her three kids. When i read all that ill admit my feelings were hurt. Paid for sex? Why would i do that when he willingly fucked and ate me and did a good job. So naturally i wrote her a tell all message. Told her i could tell every day he we had sex how he ate it where he ate it and then came home and kissed her with my juices still fresh in his throat. No shame in my game. Yea i fucked him and i knew he had a girlfriend. But i didnt give a damn. He didnt respect his girlfriend or their relationship enough not to cheat ao why should. i give to fucks about it. I was content with getting ate and fucked and sending him to home to her to worry about the girlfriend stuff. I got the same shit she was getting minus the worries. or her juices because i dont believe in kissing for that very reason. She tried to act hard like she didnt care but he sent me a message saying how i loved ruining lives. More threats blah blah blah. Ima nothing ass bitch and im doing this for the child support. Blah blah blah. A bunch if bullshit that didnt make or break me just like those sorry ass checks i get once a week for my daughter. He hasnt seen or talked to our daughter in almost three months. He doesnt want anything to do with her, me , or the baby im pregnant with. And im fine with that. I found out today from an old neighbor that hes always on the club trying to get with anybody who will give him the time of day. Oh well a lesson learned.
Heres the question::
Would i be wrong to change my daughters last name to my own because he doesnt want the baby to have his laat name....i mean they have the same parents but different last names. I dont want for either of my kids to feel less loved when they get older....Am i wrong for considering adoption....i love my daughter with all my heart...i dont want her to have to deal with the repercussions of my choices in life. Was i being selfish when i didnt get the abortion no matter the cost. Now she will have to grow.up without her daddy because of a choice i made. But than again would it be selfish to give up this child because i cant make him be a father. I can only be the best mother they have. I feel like this is karma. And im willing to accept it. Please give me some feedback..
Signed, Giving It All Up
Ps. I know alotta the readers are gonna bash me for sleeping with him knowing he was in a relationship and thats fine. Enjoy but dont act like u never done it before or at least thought about doing it:)