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African American Mommies African American Mommies
Hello. I am torn between two decisions. My family is moving to Sacramento, CA this month BUT I want to get my own place as well (n my hometown...?) the problem is when I told my mom/family I want to get my own place w/my 1yr old daughter all I heard was, "You're gonna be homeless. CPS will take your baby. You'll be sleeping in homeless shelters. When I try to get my own place it'll backfire on me." Need I tell you, I do help pay rent,utilities, baby-sitting and internet. I just paid my parents $500 in back rent. I am to pay them about $595 a month to live at home. I know and CA things will be more expensive. I don't mind helping them but I am trying to get on my own two feet and I don't see them helping me. They want to rent out a house in CA in my name (using my credit) my mom's is damage. She told me she doesn't care about me moving out. I know she wants me to focus on my career and Los Angeles would be a great place to do that at. But I don't see my mother ever helping me get on my feet. I have told her numerous times I've been interested in getting my own place. I even wanted to get a place w/a college friend. I backed out because she (mom) said NO. She says no everytime I bring up wanting my own. YET, she criticizes me for NOT having my life together @ almost 30. I will be 25 in August. What should I do? Talking to her doesn't work. I don't want to be stuck living @home for the rest of my life. My mom already said, she doesn't care if her children never move out the house. But I want my own life. NOT HER LIFE!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:25 PM
Replies (11-14):
JanaeMarie
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:56 AM
Yeah pretty much they contribute some share amount. But I got tired of paying for a room almost 595-600 when I could have my own apt and freedom. My mom really could care less about me wanting to move out on my own. I don't want to continue living at home in my 30s. I have plans for my own life. Yes, I've been saving for security deposit and rent. Even if I go to Sacramento with them, I know it'll just be much harder for me to leave. I just want them to cut me a break so I can save for MY OWN apartment so I can be on my own. My mom praises my friends for being on there own but not me. I don't want me and her to fall out over me moving eventually. I just want her to let me grow up, before I grow old.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
EmilyMarshall
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:58 AM
bump


Shaei
by Member on May. 4, 2012 at 12:57 PM

It sounds like your mom needs you but just doesn't know how to come right out and say it.  It's a kind of messed up way to let somebody know that you need their help but parents aren't always good at coming to their kids as adults (at least my mother wasn't initially).

 

It seems that you have 2 choices.  One is to move with your mother even though you believe you'd be unahppy with that decision.  The second would be to stay where you are.  Ultimately it's up to you but I don't believe your mother will disown you because you stand on your own two feet.  She might be mad at first but chances are she won't stay mad.  Now before you hop on the "I'm grown and can take care of myself" bus (not saying you are....just a phrase) be sure that you have your plans lined up.  Then make sure you have a Plan B and Plan C as well.  While you've been working and saving for your own place have you worked out your budget?  Do you have an idea of what utilites run for the size place  you're looking for?  Do you have provisions in case things go wrong one month?  Is your job relatively steady and do you have a set amount that you can count on for paying your bills?  The electric company is not trying to hear about how you didn't think it would be that much this summer or that your landlord didn't fix that window so you were cooling the neighborhood.  The landlord won't be trying to hear about how you didn't get enough hours because you had to stay home with your sick child.  Please know that I'm not slamming your decision (either way you decide).  I just want you to be sure that you have your bases covered for the big move.  Be very honest especially with yourself and be sure that you have what you need to do it alone.  I don't know you at all but I believe that a 24 year old who is taking care of a child certainly can move out and take on full time ressponsibilities.  Sometimes life doesn't work out the way we planned and that's why I advise making sure you have Plan B and Plan C too just in case they become necessary.

 

No matter what you decide I wish you all the best with the move, whether it's with your mother or to your own place. 

Mishandia
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 1:05 PM

 Girl come to Sacramento there is a boat load of affordable/low income housing here.

Many land lords here in Sac run all occupants of the home credit. Me personally I would do b/c if your goals is to move out on your own you needto be in good standing SMUD and PG&E or pay high deposit.

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