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Ok, I need help LOL I'm not grown up enough to deal with this right.(PROBLEM SOLVED, REPLIES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED)

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UPDATE: OK, I'VE READ THROUGH QUITE A FEW REPLIES. I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT MY BEST BET IS TO IGNORE HIM...AND PRAY HE GETS THE MESSAGE THAT I HAVE NO INTENTIONS TO BE ANYTHING TO HIM (NEITHER FRIEND, LOVER, FOE, ASSOCIATE, NOTHING) SINCE I DON'T TRUST MYSELF IN MY CURRENT STATE TO TRULY NOT END UP CUSSIN HIM FOR THE MERE FACT THAT THE ISH WILL GET ANNOYING.

FOR YALL THAT THINK I STILL WANT HIM, AND THAT I'M HIDING "IT" FROM MY BF AND ALL THAT OTHER RAH RAH RAH, GOOD FOR YOU.IT'S HARD TO HIDE SOMETHING TRACEABLE, AND IF I THOUGHT MY BF WAS THE TYPE TO LISTEN TO A NIGGA HE KNOWS HAS BASHED ME BEFORE, HE'S 10X STUPIDER THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE. IN ALL HONESTY, MY BF PROBABLY KNOWS I HAVE HIS NUMBER MEMORIZED, SINCE I MEMORIZE MOST PEOPLES NUMBERS! DEF, COMES IN HANDY WHEN YOUR OWN PHONE DIES.

Back story:

 I had met a guy named Isiah(late summer 2009). At church. He was my cousins friend. ( His dad had given me the suggestion to talk to him because of how driven and respectful he was)

I was pretty bold back then, so I went up to Isiah, and I was like we should hang out and get to know each other, because I think you're cute and we'd look good together. ( I was fresh 18 yall, don't judge me)

So, every Sunday, I'd see him at church, then he started taking me on car rides....the first couple of months went nice and slow(this plays into me being naive and fresh in a min lol) I'm thinking ok, he's not pressuring me for sex. He's never had me in his house alone. He's really respectful. I guess about the 3rd month, he told me I could come over and chill ( he ALWAYS invited me to do things I never asked him if I could come or anything like that, He was like 24, so I didn't wanna be the little girl running after the older airman lol) I get there, and like always it's a house full of people. Around 11 I get ready to go home, because I had a curfew staying at my cousins house ( 12) Isiah pulls me to the side and says I can stay the night if I want, he'll just crash on the couch...Now, I knew..I knew this was a baddddd idea, cuz I know me...I know my lil horny sexual self! and I was that stupid, I knew most guys wouldn't turn me away...I didn't care it was bad. I had started to develop feelings for him and we hadn't even kissed!

Anyway, everyone goes home, cept the roommates. They wander into their room, we're on the couch cuddling watching something on tv and I'm getting...ready, I couldn't even stop it. I tell him I don't want him to have to sleep on the couch, and basically that, I don't mind sleeping in the bed with him.....so yall know what happens. ( BTW, it was amazing, literally to date the best I've ever had)( november 2009)

A wholeee buncha stuff went down after that ( obviouslyyyyy) I ended up dating a different guy, which made him mad, but he was doing his own thing, how could he get mad, he gets deployed, comes back, he wants to start over, I attempt, because I had moved to philly and was on my way back(oct 2010). Well, the day I get back, the first person I see is him. for  5 mins, it was good, and then everything hits the fan again, a girl he like had moved in next door, and apparently before she was next door she lived with him ( I didn't know any of this cuz I was in Philly)

Nobody else wanted to tell me either, after I figured out everything that was going on, and realized EVERYONE knew about the girl and him running back and forth on me. I was pissed. well, anyway, we didn't talk......for awhile. A long time. It was hi & bye only to be cordial. He deploys 2-3 more times. I keep living life, I end up with my BF now, and he's still being an Ahole, telling people how I'm a hoe, and I'm crazy, and all this ish like wtf? WHY is my name in ur mouth B?! Like I was hearing my name on base like I was "one of those" girls. He was the ONLY one I'd had been with(only airman lol) til I met my BF. and nobody knew I was with him! Fall of last year, he was still actin crazy, refusing to be in the same building as me, and all this other BS. I didn't care. cuz why would I? LOL I was pregnant and chillin with my BF, enjoying where my life was headed.

FF to yesterday: I was taking a nap at the bank ( DJM, I was waiting on somebody LOL) He comes up to me and taps me I wake up confused, droolin, everythin smh. So he asks if he can sit next to me, I say sure, and he starts askin me about life, the baby and all that, then he starts tellin bout his job...and then his relationship ( I knew the girl he was talkin bout cuz she burned him right before he FIRST met me and 09 and AGAIN last year lol) But anyway, I was telling him the difference in my life, and how it's changed so much, and how comfortable I am and all that. and I could just see the pain on his face( Now, when he first started treatin me bad, I was crying all the time, my pastor felt bad because he has encouraged me to talk to him in the first place, but he told me one day, he's going to look back and see how he messed up, and he's going to try get you back...you have to be strong enough to keep your dignity) Well, yesterday, was that day, dude broke down, straight down, to the ground, apologizing for everything. He told me it "hurt" him to look at my belly and see we'd never be what we were and all this other ish, like this went on for like 45 mins( IN the bank!). When the person I was waiting for was coming back to the lobby area, he quickly got up and composed himself.

An hour later, he shows up to where I am( I'm sure it was an accident...maybe? IDK it's creepy lol) but he spent the last hour or so I was there, trying to get me to talk to him and kept trying to get us alone. He invited me to dinner and I informed him that my man was waiting for me to come home and cook. So, he reluctantly left.

THEN this fool shows up where I am  AGAIN ( ok, I'm SURE this one way on accident cuz he was mad at this point lol) I did what I had to do and left...but before I left he was like...We really need some time to talk, about everything. He slips me his number and wants me to call him.

Well 1. I'm not callin him 2. I didn't need the number, that ish is burned into my memory 3. IDK how to be an adult about it...If I ignore him, I'm not sure how long it'll take him to get the hint...and I get pissed pretty easily.....

I'm also not 100% sure I can be nice to him about all of this since he dragged me through the mud for a few years back and forth.

What I am sure of, I'm not going through this again...but IDK what to say, or how to keep it from me cussin him the hell out...

by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 12:03 PM
Replies (31-40):
mommy_2_be_2010
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:17 PM
My daughters dad and me can't even sit and talk cause his wife will wanna be the middle man smh


Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting mommy_2_be_2010:

I'm no help my first and me still talk

lol so do me and my first, but we have a son together lol I think lack of communication would be odd....but I'm able to talk to all teh guys I spent time getting to know, except 2 ( my daughters father, and this guy) Both treated me like complete ish.

Me and my daughter's father, within the last 6 months had a heart to heart, but it didn't matter, I was 15,16 when I was dealing with him. It really didn't matter anymore...and it wasn't like he was trying to date me again, just didn't want me to "hate" him. *shrug*


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MandiFuego
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:20 PM


Quoting mommy_2_be_2010:

My daughters dad and me can't even sit and talk cause his wife will wanna be the middle man smh


Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting mommy_2_be_2010:

I'm no help my first and me still talk

lol so do me and my first, but we have a son together lol I think lack of communication would be odd....but I'm able to talk to all teh guys I spent time getting to know, except 2 ( my daughters father, and this guy) Both treated me like complete ish.

Me and my daughter's father, within the last 6 months had a heart to heart, but it didn't matter, I was 15,16 when I was dealing with him. It really didn't matter anymore...and it wasn't like he was trying to date me again, just didn't want me to "hate" him. *shrug*


aww, I'm only 21, most the ppl I've been with aren't married yet so...things might change, but I can respect it, I won't have a reason to REALLY talk to them tho, unlike u....I'ma need her to go and sitdown somewhere tho...yall have things to handle that's not her concern lol

mommy_2_be_2010
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:25 PM
Lol can I hire u as my body guard lol


Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting mommy_2_be_2010:

My daughters dad and me can't even sit and talk cause his wife will wanna be the middle man smh





Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting mommy_2_be_2010:

I'm no help my first and me still talk

lol so do me and my first, but we have a son together lol I think lack of communication would be odd....but I'm able to talk to all teh guys I spent time getting to know, except 2 ( my daughters father, and this guy) Both treated me like complete ish.

Me and my daughter's father, within the last 6 months had a heart to heart, but it didn't matter, I was 15,16 when I was dealing with him. It really didn't matter anymore...and it wasn't like he was trying to date me again, just didn't want me to "hate" him. *shrug*



aww, I'm only 21, most the ppl I've been with aren't married yet so...things might change, but I can respect it, I won't have a reason to REALLY talk to them tho, unlike u....I'ma need her to go and sitdown somewhere tho...yall have things to handle that's not her concern lol


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
GraceofME
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:45 PM

Seems he learned the hard way. Maybe if you let him know that you've grown up past him, he'll get the hint. Don't we all do foolish things when we're younger? Maybe he can agree that you 2 have grown apart and nothing will change that. No need to make him feel badly for the past...or get yourself upset here and now...OP, is there a chance that maybe just seeing you caused these "new" reformed emotions to come up? Will there be a next time and is he likely to act like that again? Is it normal for him to keep showing up around you all day? I'm thinking it's a phase, and possibly has nothing to do with you personally. Try ignoring him, and just keep your guard up if you do see him again.

Litlmama87
by Silver Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know if you're stupid, I don't even know how you're truly living, I'm commenting based on what you post.

You could've avoided the whole situation had you acted like someone who has a man at home and a child in her womb and not given this man 45 mins of your time at the bank, and another hour at someone's home, etc. regardless of who you drive with. If he really hurt you as bad as you said, & kicked your back in like that, he should've never even gotten close enough in your personal space to even touch your hand to put a number in it. To me that says you were entertaining the thought, the notion, because for him to be telling people you were a trick, a whore, a skeezer, whatever, it shouldn't be hard to tell him EFF YOU. Damn sure doesn't take more than an hour and 45 minutes.


Quoting MandiFuego:

U mean, possible, in my personal situation?

Negative.

Real is this:  Regardless of what I have RIGHT NOW. I can survive without it. Always can, and any person NOT willing to move on from the "right now" has some serious issues. Life changes, evolves, it is what it is. So, because I'm willing to move on if I feel the need to ( which most of the people in this room have already commented that if in my shoes they would)  means I go from this to something I KNOW is worse. righttttt.

Either you think I'm stupid( I'm going with this one, luckily, I could care less) OR you know a lot of dumb broads...nobody rational lives like this.

Real is also, since we're speaking of specific people, this:  I was treated VERY badly by this person. I've seen the real him. I see through all the BS most people CLAIM to not be able to see. I don't have an interest in a man that's going to "like me" for a min, then drag me through the mud for the next following 6 months. after some new female catches his eye. That goes out of his way to make me look bad because he KNOWS he's inadequate as a man and if he makes it look like it's  my fault, then no one blames him. Sooo, what interest would you see in this situation? ( and 2 of the places he ran into me, were houses.) At the bank, I was with a person he ALSO knows ( in fact, they used to be neighbors for like 3 years) IMHO, I feel like, this last girl burned him again, and he feels like if he's OH SO NICE to me, I'll always be there, but see the thing is, there's a few "me's"..back up plans, we'll say.... All 3 of us seemed to have moved on past him... There's probably more, but for the time I've spent dealing with him I've only come across 2 others, besides the girl that keeps hurting him.

Quoting Litlmama87:


Is there a possibility the only reason he even got the time of day to even engage you in conversation in multiple places for extended amounts of time and to let him slip you his number was because you still have an interest in him?



I know you're going to say you have a boyfriend and a baby but let's be real here, last week you were talking about you will survive without him, & can easily replace him.







Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting Litlmama87:

So what is there to deal with? You have a boyfriend and a baby on the way, he knows this, there's nothing more to be said.

It's pretty annoying, that everytime u accidentally run into someone they wanna "talk" Apparently, in the past I haven't said the right thing to get him to stop approaching me...he feels time "heals" things. So he goes right back to trying to talk to me. Me saying " I really don't want to talk about this" doesn't work, and me saying " what's done is done, we should move on with our lives" hasn't worked either..it really is looking like I'm going to have to bring out the verbal pain...Even though I wanted there to be a mature solution to this issue, WITHOUT me having to make a scene or giving him ammo to throw back at me at a later date...making me look "unstable" or "angry" or that I "attacked" him and he was just trying to be "nice"...his manipulation skills are nice, I'll give him that. It's like me and the other girl that lived with him are the only ones that can see through the BS lol ( I've listened to him throw that girl under the bus soo many times, but I know her personally now and..it's the same thing, he didn't get what he wanted so he starts talkin ish)


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luvthagirl
by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2012 at 10:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Ikr I'm confused about the whole relationship
Quoting Litlmama87:

Is there a possibility the only reason he even got the time of day to even engage you in conversation in multiple places for extended amounts of time and to let him slip you his number was because you still have an interest in him?



I know you're going to say you have a boyfriend and a baby but let's be real here, last week you were talking about you will survive without him, & can easily replace him.







Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting Litlmama87:

So what is there to deal with? You have a boyfriend and a baby on the way, he knows this, there's nothing more to be said.

It's pretty annoying, that everytime u accidentally run into someone they wanna "talk" Apparently, in the past I haven't said the right thing to get him to stop approaching me...he feels time "heals" things. So he goes right back to trying to talk to me. Me saying " I really don't want to talk about this" doesn't work, and me saying " what's done is done, we should move on with our lives" hasn't worked either..it really is looking like I'm going to have to bring out the verbal pain...Even though I wanted there to be a mature solution to this issue, WITHOUT me having to make a scene or giving him ammo to throw back at me at a later date...making me look "unstable" or "angry" or that I "attacked" him and he was just trying to be "nice"...his manipulation skills are nice, I'll give him that. It's like me and the other girl that lived with him are the only ones that can see through the BS lol ( I've listened to him throw that girl under the bus soo many times, but I know her personally now and..it's the same thing, he didn't get what he wanted so he starts talkin ish)

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MandiFuego
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 11:01 PM

Maybe that's where u get me wrong, assuming I post every single teeny detail how about this and somehow people seem to change the POINT of my post.

1. I didn't stand there and entertain him for xyz amount of time, opening an account doesn't take 45s UNLESS there's only ONE person working in that section of the banks. There's a group of chairs in the lobby ALL of which were full EXCEPT the one next to me. I'm not a grudge holding person. If he wanted to sit there, he can sit, he started what SEEMED to be a casual conversation that somehow went from asking me about things, to his job and the TAIL END was the breaking down BS

2. The house? belongs to a military family that is PCSing, leaving TOMORROW, they needed to get ALL of their things out of the house by yesterday afternoon, I was in the dining room and kitchen picking things up...soo what..I'm not supposed to help? supposed to keep running away every time I see him coming towards me? Negative, I was there for a bigger reason.

You say I'm not "acting" like a person with a man...uhm I spent a good 20-30 mins on the phone WITH my BF once he started to make me feel uncomfortable again, but once again I'm not how that details pertains to how to handle another situation in the future.

Once again, JUST because I don't handle a situation like you or anyone else in this group, doesn't mean the situation wasn't handled the right way. People are telling me to cuss him out and all this crap, normal people don't do that. I'm sorry, it's not a rational way to handle a situation, "oh u hurt me in the past, so I'm going to act crazy?"  yeah cuzzzz that's effective. I'm simply looking for a POLITE yet EFFECTIVE way to let him know I'm not interested and that he's wasting his time IF he decides to approach me again.  Since you can't give me that suggestion from what Ive posted, please move on from my post.  Cuz this is..what..TWICE I've quoted you because you seem to be wanting to take the post somewhere beyond it's original content, this had nothing to do with how you THINK I "act" cuz like u said, you're going off what I post, but if you think people post 100% of the details of their situation. U have no real background or insight.

Quoting Litlmama87:

I don't know if you're stupid, I don't even know how you're truly living, I'm commenting based on what you post.

You could've avoided the whole situation had you acted like someone who has a man at home and a child in her womb and not given this man 45 mins of your time at the bank, and another hour at someone's home, etc. regardless of who you drive with. If he really hurt you as bad as you said, & kicked your back in like that, he should've never even gotten close enough in your personal space to even touch your hand to put a number in it. To me that says you were entertaining the thought, the notion, because for him to be telling people you were a trick, a whore, a skeezer, whatever, it shouldn't be hard to tell him EFF YOU. Damn sure doesn't take more than an hour and 45 minutes.


Quoting MandiFuego:

U mean, possible, in my personal situation?

Negative.

Real is this:  Regardless of what I have RIGHT NOW. I can survive without it. Always can, and any person NOT willing to move on from the "right now" has some serious issues. Life changes, evolves, it is what it is. So, because I'm willing to move on if I feel the need to ( which most of the people in this room have already commented that if in my shoes they would)  means I go from this to something I KNOW is worse. righttttt.

Either you think I'm stupid( I'm going with this one, luckily, I could care less) OR you know a lot of dumb broads...nobody rational lives like this.

Real is also, since we're speaking of specific people, this:  I was treated VERY badly by this person. I've seen the real him. I see through all the BS most people CLAIM to not be able to see. I don't have an interest in a man that's going to "like me" for a min, then drag me through the mud for the next following 6 months. after some new female catches his eye. That goes out of his way to make me look bad because he KNOWS he's inadequate as a man and if he makes it look like it's  my fault, then no one blames him. Sooo, what interest would you see in this situation? ( and 2 of the places he ran into me, were houses.) At the bank, I was with a person he ALSO knows ( in fact, they used to be neighbors for like 3 years) IMHO, I feel like, this last girl burned him again, and he feels like if he's OH SO NICE to me, I'll always be there, but see the thing is, there's a few "me's"..back up plans, we'll say.... All 3 of us seemed to have moved on past him... There's probably more, but for the time I've spent dealing with him I've only come across 2 others, besides the girl that keeps hurting him.

Quoting Litlmama87:


Is there a possibility the only reason he even got the time of day to even engage you in conversation in multiple places for extended amounts of time and to let him slip you his number was because you still have an interest in him?



I know you're going to say you have a boyfriend and a baby but let's be real here, last week you were talking about you will survive without him, & can easily replace him.







Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting Litlmama87:

So what is there to deal with? You have a boyfriend and a baby on the way, he knows this, there's nothing more to be said.

It's pretty annoying, that everytime u accidentally run into someone they wanna "talk" Apparently, in the past I haven't said the right thing to get him to stop approaching me...he feels time "heals" things. So he goes right back to trying to talk to me. Me saying " I really don't want to talk about this" doesn't work, and me saying " what's done is done, we should move on with our lives" hasn't worked either..it really is looking like I'm going to have to bring out the verbal pain...Even though I wanted there to be a mature solution to this issue, WITHOUT me having to make a scene or giving him ammo to throw back at me at a later date...making me look "unstable" or "angry" or that I "attacked" him and he was just trying to be "nice"...his manipulation skills are nice, I'll give him that. It's like me and the other girl that lived with him are the only ones that can see through the BS lol ( I've listened to him throw that girl under the bus soo many times, but I know her personally now and..it's the same thing, he didn't get what he wanted so he starts talkin ish)



MandiFuego
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 11:04 PM


Quoting luvthagirl:

Ikr I'm confused about the whole relationship
Quoting Litlmama87:

Is there a possibility the only reason he even got the time of day to even engage you in conversation in multiple places for extended amounts of time and to let him slip you his number was because you still have an interest in him?



I know you're going to say you have a boyfriend and a baby but let's be real here, last week you were talking about you will survive without him, & can easily replace him.







Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting Litlmama87:

So what is there to deal with? You have a boyfriend and a baby on the way, he knows this, there's nothing more to be said.

It's pretty annoying, that everytime u accidentally run into someone they wanna "talk" Apparently, in the past I haven't said the right thing to get him to stop approaching me...he feels time "heals" things. So he goes right back to trying to talk to me. Me saying " I really don't want to talk about this" doesn't work, and me saying " what's done is done, we should move on with our lives" hasn't worked either..it really is looking like I'm going to have to bring out the verbal pain...Even though I wanted there to be a mature solution to this issue, WITHOUT me having to make a scene or giving him ammo to throw back at me at a later date...making me look "unstable" or "angry" or that I "attacked" him and he was just trying to be "nice"...his manipulation skills are nice, I'll give him that. It's like me and the other girl that lived with him are the only ones that can see through the BS lol ( I've listened to him throw that girl under the bus soo many times, but I know her personally now and..it's the same thing, he didn't get what he wanted so he starts talkin ish)

why do you need clarity of the relationship or lack thereof beyond me saying I was treatd like shit, he wants to make it all right, Even though he KNOWS I've moved on, clear on. I don't want the attention but don't want to be rude about it. Thats the main points. That's all thats really important. I'm looking for an effective way to stop everything in it's tracks WITHOUT having to act crazy or be rude. 

MandiFuego
by on Jun. 16, 2012 at 11:07 PM


Quoting GraceofME:

Seems he learned the hard way. Maybe if you let him know that you've grown up past him, he'll get the hint. Don't we all do foolish things when we're younger? Maybe he can agree that you 2 have grown apart and nothing will change that. No need to make him feel badly for the past...or get yourself upset here and now...OP, is there a chance that maybe just seeing you caused these "new" reformed emotions to come up? Will there be a next time and is he likely to act like that again? Is it normal for him to keep showing up around you all day? I'm thinking it's a phase, and possibly has nothing to do with you personally. Try ignoring him, and just keep your guard up if you do see him again.

I pray I don't regret this quote....

IDK what there's a chance of, cuz he's....off. He's 26, isn't he too old for phases? Like for real.... I hope it has nothing to do with me personally...but still why take it out on ME? w/e he's going through, it was still odd. just...odd. None of this was normal..well certain moments in the day were, but for him to keep trying soo hard to talk to me and be alone with me, like he'd follow me to a room that I was grabbing something out of, or if I went outside, he'd go outside, thatss what made me raise my eyebrow like WTF?

luvthagirl
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2012 at 1:21 AM
1 mom liked this
He can see that you're pregnant, tell him you're engaged and happy, if that doesn't work call to police for harassment

Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting luvthagirl:

Ikr I'm confused about the whole relationship
Quoting Litlmama87:

Is there a possibility the only reason he even got the time of day to even engage you in conversation in multiple places for extended amounts of time and to let him slip you his number was because you still have an interest in him?



I know you're going to say you have a boyfriend and a baby but let's be real here, last week you were talking about you will survive without him, & can easily replace him.









Quoting MandiFuego:


Quoting Litlmama87:

So what is there to deal with? You have a boyfriend and a baby on the way, he knows this, there's nothing more to be said.

It's pretty annoying, that everytime u accidentally run into someone they wanna "talk" Apparently, in the past I haven't said the right thing to get him to stop approaching me...he feels time "heals" things. So he goes right back to trying to talk to me. Me saying " I really don't want to talk about this" doesn't work, and me saying " what's done is done, we should move on with our lives" hasn't worked either..it really is looking like I'm going to have to bring out the verbal pain...Even though I wanted there to be a mature solution to this issue, WITHOUT me having to make a scene or giving him ammo to throw back at me at a later date...making me look "unstable" or "angry" or that I "attacked" him and he was just trying to be "nice"...his manipulation skills are nice, I'll give him that. It's like me and the other girl that lived with him are the only ones that can see through the BS lol ( I've listened to him throw that girl under the bus soo many times, but I know her personally now and..it's the same thing, he didn't get what he wanted so he starts talkin ish)

why do you need clarity of the relationship or lack thereof beyond me saying I was treatd like shit, he wants to make it all right, Even though he KNOWS I've moved on, clear on. I don't want the attention but don't want to be rude about it. Thats the main points. That's all thats really important. I'm looking for an effective way to stop everything in it's tracks WITHOUT having to act crazy or be rude. 

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