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African American Mommies African American Mommies

usually I am able to meditate but...(Vent)

I have a neighbor that I went to elementry-highschool with and now we happen to be neighbors which at first was lovely.. well im pregnant and very very happily married and very content... she is in a relationship that according to her is constantly "a hard time but things will get better". we have been neighbors now for about four months, we've lived here longer going on two years.. anyway I dont usually let other people affect my mood I meditate often and walk and keep my energy calm but Ive been on bedrest and being in one space seems to be affecting my mood plus im moody because Im pregnant.. my thing is she keeps texting me and trying to communicate with me and at first I didnt mind because she is so very sweet, yet it really bothers me to interact with her now because she keeps falling ill colds, flus, ear infections, her hand got infected. (she has no insurance and he wont pay for her to go to the doctor), and her diet is horrible and I genuinly believe the bad way that she eats is making her sick and it concerns me but of course I know I cant say anything about peoples nutritional patterns.. 

but about a month ago she knocked on my door and wanted to chat so we did on my couch for a little bit.. she said theyve decided to TTC and shes worried she wont get pregnant soon.. yadda yadda ya.. my issue is now when she text me she just wants to talk about babies and how her baby and our daughter can grow up together and such.. I really like her but her bad relationship, bad nutrition, and lack of care of herself is not something I would want to encourage as a healthy friendship to model to my daughter.. my real purpose was one to vent the annoyance at watching a once close friend let a man bring her down, and two ask how to distance myself slowly but surely so we simply become acquantances? I have cut people out but usually they did me wrong so it was alot easier.. in this case I cant justify having this person around as a model for whats okay.. I dont want unhealthy lifestyles and unhealthy relationships modeled to my daughter especially when shes so young.. once shes older she will understand but as a kid what they see is what they accept.. kwim? 

by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Replies (11-15):
Hottmomma607
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OMG!!! Jax is gonna go off the deep end!! Even deeper! lol
Yesterday at 11:47 AM
by Group Mod - Trica on Aug. 29, 2012 at 9:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I would just keep my distant as much as possible. But don't shut her out,she may need you. Its not your responsibility to hold her hand,but gpod influence maybe needed in her life. And far as your daughter your her mother no one else is going to influence her. Except her parents!
Honeybunches26
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 10:18 PM

yes we had a stillbirth in dec so not that long ago at 26weeks so around this same time.. i cant bring myself to call her our only baby so i just say our first live birth.. 

Quoting KymberleeAnn:

In this particular reply of yours I noticed a few things one thing that stood out to me is the comment you made about this being your first live birth you gave birth to a still born before?  I wait for your response before I say anything more.

KymberleeAnn
by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this

hugsI understand and sympathize with you 100% I lost two babies before I had my two boys and I had moments of depression and fear all sorts of other emotions related to that very traumatic experience. I was not able to look at a baby or hold a baby after my loses.

I understand how you feel. In this case I would definitely recommend that you remove all the negative energy from your life.

Trying to help and so forth are not negative that in itself, but when it causes anxiety and discomfort, especially during pregnancy it must be capped and set aside for a later time when you are able to cope with it better.

With the heightened hormones, and stress the pregnancy puts on your body, the last thing you need is a group of busybodies complicating things with their unsolicited advice, suggestions, visions, and so forth.

Rest when you can and take care yourelf, and your baby those are the more important things along with your dh right now, you can shut them down with a smile and a thank you then move on.

Very nicely make an excuse when they want to come over, I'm sleeping or okay, thank you I'll try to call you back when I get a chance, and the chance never comes... You understand what I mean? being nasty and going at them is not my style but nice nasty is what I like to call it.

They mean well but their timing is just off.

Quoting Honeybunches26:

yes we had a stillbirth in dec so not that long ago at 26weeks so around this same time.. i cant bring myself to call her our only baby so i just say our first live birth.. 

Quoting KymberleeAnn:

In this particular reply of yours I noticed a few things one thing that stood out to me is the comment you made about this being your first live birth you gave birth to a still born before?  I wait for your response before I say anything more.


Honeybunches26
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:06 PM

thank you for listening and giving me some reassurance, my husband understands how I feel its just with him at work all day and me on bedrest and of course worried about babygirl making it.. sometimes any extra little thing becomes too much.. like outside people.. so i really just needed to vent and have someone understand me... which rarely happens outside of my husband.. so I really really appreciate it.. I am so sorry for your losses.. I dont know how I will heal from our loss I mean I am doing alot better than I thought I would but some days are still very very hard.. 

Quoting KymberleeAnn:

hugsI understand and sympathize with you 100% I lost two babies before I had my two boys and I had moments of depression and fear all sorts of other emotions related to that very traumatic experience. I was not able to look at a baby or hold a baby after my loses.


KymberleeAnn
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I know how you feel.  I hope that things get better for you each day. Thank You!

Quoting Honeybunches26:

thank you for listening and giving me some reassurance, my husband understands how I feel its just with him at work all day and me on bedrest and of course worried about babygirl making it.. sometimes any extra little thing becomes too much.. like outside people.. so i really just needed to vent and have someone understand me... which rarely happens outside of my husband.. so I really really appreciate it.. I am so sorry for your losses.. I dont know how I will heal from our loss I mean I am doing alot better than I thought I would but some days are still very very hard.. 

Quoting KymberleeAnn:

hugsI understand and sympathize with you 100% I lost two babies before I had my two boys and I had moments of depression and fear all sorts of other emotions related to that very traumatic experience. I was not able to look at a baby or hold a baby after my loses.



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