Okay...mmhmm! thats how you feel? (venting, quite long)

[queensweet]

My youngest brother is suppose to help my mom rent a house but he is "too busy" to go with her. I said to her how selfish he is because he knows she needs a better place to live and he knows he has to come with her to sign the lease. My mother said, "All my children are selfish anyway." WTF?!?! So I said, "I am not selfish. People have told me how generous I am". She says, "Well children are usually more generous with other people anyway". I said, "That I generous with you more than with you than ANY of your other children!" She responds, "You are generous sometimes." I was very much offended and my feelings were hurt and I made it known! All the sh** I have done for this woman from driving her around when she needed to go somewhere (eventually I found out she had money), giving her money for different things (when my brother said he would LOAN her some money; she lost her phone and I paid $125 for another one; she needed time on another phone she had and I put $100 on that one then she lost that one and the list goes on and on), allowing her to live with me on 3 seperate occasions, and listening to her woes (when on one occasion she called my brother to talk and he told her that her problems were depressing him), just to name a few, and she views me as "being generous SOMETIMES" because I have made it clear that I do have a life and a lot of things going on and cant be there all the time whereas my brother does not have any kids, no real responsibilities and really does not give a damn! He has his sh** over her house but wont come to check on her or help her. I usually dont let things bother me but today I did cry. It is a painful realization to me that the one I call mom still is (has been)a poor excuse of one to me and is very ungrateful and selfish. I was really hoping that we were getting a better relationship but I see I am still viewed as not being worth very much. Sigh. Oh well. It is what it is. So since I know where I stand, I will take my selfish a$$ (I guess I learned from the best) and worry only about me, myself, I and my son.

[SunFlower700]

From my experience that's how family is.  My mother is the same way.  She tends to forget that I was the one (single mother with two kids) who helped her azz fight legally to get her house back when the bank fudged up on her property taxes.  Yet she praises my sister like she's God's gift to this earth.  The child who could have given a fudge that she lost her house and it wasn't even her fault she lost it.

[queensweet]

Thanks for sharing. I do remember you saying something about some posts ago. It seems like the child whom pretty much does everything for the mother is the one whom gets treated like sh**. I just dont understand why that is. But I wash my hands of her and whatever is going on with her. I have to do so to guard my sanity and my feelings. That was very nice of you to put out the money to help her. Personally I would not have done it. God will truly bless you.

Quoting SunFlower700:

From my experience that's how family is.  My mother is the same way.  She tends to forget that I was the one (single mother with two kids) who helped her azz fight legally to get her house back when the bank fudged up on her property taxes.  Yet she praises my sister like she's God's gift to this earth.  The child who could have given a fudge that she lost her house and it wasn't even her fault she lost it.

[MommyAJ2921]

Wow..I'm truly sorry you're going through this..both of you..sad as it is to say you're doing the right thing by stepping back. My parents often times make it clear they don't like having to ask their children for help (like when payday is still a week away and one of them needs a prescription or something) but they appreciate it and have no problem saying so. Again very sorry to hear this. You think it'll get any better? Will your mom notice you pulling back?

[KymberleeAnn]

bump

[queensweet]

Thanks for the kindness and understanding. The truth is she wouldnt care one way or the other with me becoming distance. She never particularly cared for me anyway and I never understood why. smh. I am glad that your parents appreciate what you do for them.

Quoting MommyAJ2921:

Wow..I'm truly sorry you're going through this..both of you..sad as it is to say you're doing the right thing by stepping back. My parents often times make it clear they don't like having to ask their children for help (like when payday is still a week away and one of them needs a prescription or something) but they appreciate it and have no problem saying so. Again very sorry to hear this. You think it'll get any better? Will your mom notice you pulling back?

[SunFlower700]

I regret doing it.  I just look at it like as a very hard and expensive lesson learned.

Quoting queensweet:

Thanks for sharing. I do remember you saying something about some posts ago. It seems like the child whom pretty much does everything for the mother is the one whom gets treated like sh**. I just dont understand why that is. But I wash my hands of her and whatever is going on with her. I have to do so to guard my sanity and my feelings. That was very nice of you to put out the money to help her. Personally I would not have done it. God will truly bless you.

Quoting SunFlower700:

From my experience that's how family is.  My mother is the same way.  She tends to forget that I was the one (single mother with two kids) who helped her azz fight legally to get her house back when the bank fudged up on her property taxes.  Yet she praises my sister like she's God's gift to this earth.  The child who could have given a fudge that she lost her house and it wasn't even her fault she lost it.

[queensweet]

I can understand why you do. I think you will receive tremendous blessings from God for what you did for your mom. Sigh. For AA women, I find that many of the lessons learned in life are very expensive ones. lol. Just try your best to move past this and become focused on your own island. I know I am.

Quoting SunFlower700:

I regret doing it.  I just look at it like as a very hard and expensive lesson learned.

Quoting queensweet:

Thanks for sharing. I do remember you saying something about some posts ago. It seems like the child whom pretty much does everything for the mother is the one whom gets treated like sh**. I just dont understand why that is. But I wash my hands of her and whatever is going on with her. I have to do so to guard my sanity and my feelings. That was very nice of you to put out the money to help her. Personally I would not have done it. God will truly bless you.

Quoting SunFlower700:

From my experience that's how family is.  My mother is the same way.  She tends to forget that I was the one (single mother with two kids) who helped her azz fight legally to get her house back when the bank fudged up on her property taxes.  Yet she praises my sister like she's God's gift to this earth.  The child who could have given a fudge that she lost her house and it wasn't even her fault she lost it.

[yu001133shan02]

bump

[.Peaches.]

 I'm sorry.

I have a good relationship with my mom, so I can't imagine the way you're feeling. I'd do anything for my mom, and Lord knows she's done everything she can for me.

[Stacey1081975]

My mother is my world but she did tell me I was selfish? So I said " you live in my house and you don't pay for nothing, I buy your clothes get you hair and nails done every two weeks and I pay you to watch my daughter (who is in school) every week. Buy all the food and make sure you need for nothing and I'm selfish?. She smiled and said " I wanted you to feel I how I felt when you told me that when you was younger". Point well taking!!! She taught me a quick lesson on what a mom do!