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African American Mommies African American Mommies

Am I to believe the "Baby Daddy" Effect?

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:03 AM
  • 119 Replies
I don't know what to call it but I when I went to pick my sister up from the hair salon I was amazed at the conversations. There were 20 something's in the salon working all talking about their baby daddy's and their relationships with other baby mamas. I am a very curious girl and unwanted to ask them all about their decision to have a baby but its NOT a judgement I just wanted to know.

So I asked on girl. I asked her if she had ever wanted to be married or just wanted to be a mother. She said didnt want to get married now because too much has happened between them. She lived with her baby daddy with 2 children with him and they've been living together for 8 years.

She said married people need a lawyer to walk away but she can leave whenever she wants.

I kinda respected what she said--- it kinda made sense to me in that kinda strange way that you see pimps making prostituition sound like a sensible option to a young girl.


I don't know what I believe.

Do young moms today with children out of wedlock NOT want to be wives? Do they just look at a man and decide they want to have a child with them and not that they want a partner for life?

I didn't want to get attacked so I just asked one girl. Are there single moms in this group who only wanted to have children but never the husband?

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/304209_10150825901365230_520415229_21054590_61191322_n.jpg

Some people recognize the light but they can't handle the glare.

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
coupon_ash_back
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:06 AM
3 moms liked this
It could be asked about older single women too. I'm a younger mother but married. I don't understand the whole concept of just wanting to be the baby mama. To each their own I guess. I'm sure they will become just another baby mama (to the guy) in the future if they aren't already.
amyasmommy2005
by Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:44 AM

that would be me. i dont ever plan on being married. i just dont get it. i mean the standing before God and loved ones to prove your love. I love my bf and although he isnt my daughter bio father he has been there since she was 3 months old. i feel marriage is more than a piece of paper. we have our ups and downs but we always work things out. we compromise and work together to make our dreams come true. i just don't feel the need to but a label on it

nikabear
by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:54 AM
2 moms liked this
I have always wanted to be married...never set out to become a baby mama.......but I own it and wear it proudly that I am able to care for my children and give them all of their wants and needs.
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AleaKat
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Why be in a relationship if you constantly have to have k e foot out the door?
Seems do dumb to me.
Either be with them or don't!
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Pooobaihr
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:02 AM
I wanted to marry my ex. But couldn't at the time cause he was legally still married. He then decided to get back with her, then pulled this , "imma be a douche and play 2 chicks" bs, got us both pregnant with a second child from him, lied a bunch, finally divorced her and figured to keep playin "touch and go" with me until I told him to fuck off. ( there is more to this story than what I wrote. I'm not that much of a bitch to ruin a marriage intentionally. There were times she was gone and he said they weren't together. Lies. And when we got together to begin with, she was in another state with a new beau herself.)
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Tish_Hughes
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:11 AM
I actually married my daughter's dad. Biggest mistake ever. It would have been better to just be a "baby mama" and not married him cause that's what happened anyway. Totally ruined the whole idea of marriage. I was never the fairy tale wedding type cause honestly it was not something that I felt strongly about anyway, but now that I'm a little older, I fell like the whole marriage thing has been....tarnished? For me, though cause if I get married. Il have to go through that whole "yeah I've been married before" crap. Even though, like I've said before, my first "marriage" was complete and total shit anyway. I can't even stress how strongly I feel about that complete and total shit part.
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smiley83
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:12 AM


Quoting nikabear:

I have always wanted to be married...never set out to become a baby mama.......but I own it and wear it proudly that I am able to care for my children and give them all of their wants and needs.
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Bunsmommy
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:19 AM
5 moms liked this
I never wanted kids or a husband. Even as a little girl playing with my Barbie and Ken dolls they weren't married and Barbie wasn't the Suzy homemaker kind of chick. My mother bless her heart thinks it has to do with her marriage ending and I have to explain to her that I'd take her leaving my abusive other parent everyday of the week rather than grow up watching her being abused thinking that's what I should expect out of a man. Nevertheless, that isn't it I just never had the mindset to be a wife. As I've grown older, I realized at some point I'm a very selfish human (which is why I thank God for birth control pills).

When I met Ty I fell for him at first sight, and knew that I'd have him in my life forever and that if I ever decided I wanted a husband he would be it. Unfortunately, again I'm a selfish ass human and as such have indulged myself in some selfish ass behaviors! He has asked me to marry him, I have a beautiful ring I just cannot see myself going there. When we got pregnant the first time it was a thrill, a shock, and a bunch of other emotions including a selfish ass thought! And I always blame those emotions for my miscarriage. When we got pregnant with Bun we had conversations about marriage but I explained that for me it's more important that he see us as unit working together to raise him. I've seen people get married for the sake of children and soon after they're divorced and the child is the one hurt the most.

Ty might not be my husband, but he's my close friend, confidant, lover, and life partner. My son has a mom and dad who love him equally and want only the best for him and sacrifice for him daily. That's more than I can say for quite a few children who've had married parents.
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mspecan_tan
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:58 AM
I never wanted a husband or child. Our child wasn't planned. His father is also my best friend, only persn who knows just about everything about me, is my common law husband sorta speak. Its for others reasons why we haven't gotten married, but our child is loved by both of us and we both sacrifice for him.
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mspecan_tan
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:59 AM
And I still consider myself young dammit,, early 30s.
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