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African American Mommies African American Mommies

 My son may not graduate in June. Am I the blame for him not graduating. I talked to my son more than once about how important it was for him to do his homework, participate in class and behave in school. He had this one teacher that he claimed didn't like him. I explained to him it didn't matter whether she liked him or he didn't like her. It was about him doing what he needed to do to pass her class. Well, all the talking I did, he failed her class. He also failed another class because he was being lazy. I constantly talked and punished him and nothing seemed to help. He is now two credits shy of not graduating. I am very disappointed in him and myself. My question is: Should I be upset with myself?

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:41 AM
Replies (21-26):
lalasha
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this
No, you are not. After 7th grade his education was really in his own hands. If he didn't think it was important enough show up every day and not be a statistic then oh well and I hope he wises up soon.
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mkfran
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:03 AM
2 moms liked this

No you should not be upset with yourself.  Bottom line it is your son's responsibility to do the work.  My daughter will graduate in may and she is a good student.  We have always planned for her to be an honor graduate.  Her grades are close to the 90 avg but not quite there.  she is taking an AP class which is probably hurting her avg. I blamed myself for a long time for putting her in the AP but bottom line she has to do the work. I still feel if she works a little harder she will be an honor graduate.  My middle child did not march with her class because she couldn't pass the graduation test.  I felt bad for her (she did graduate during the summer) but bottom line she has to work hard to get the results.  Maybe this will show him that he need to work hard to graduate. Keep encouraging him so he will not just drop out but will be willing to work hard and hopefully he can graduate during the summer.

Stacey1081975
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:51 AM

This was in no way personal so please don't feel like I'm attacking you because I understand where you are coming from....My daughter's teacher call me all the time to tell me what it going on in class good or bad (more good than bad)... Please don't misunderstand me I am very activate in my daughter's schooling , I do help her with homework, projects, quizzes, etc and I supplies EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERYTHING she needs for school. I work outside of home so my day starts and end with my daughter. In Maryland at the age of 16 a child can drop out of school so no i wouldn't blame myself for her not graduating because I know I did everything I could to make sure she would. Trust me my son did everything in his power to test my limits but he did graduate and yes I pushed him until I couldn't push anymore. I refuse to blame myself. One the hardest thing about being a parent is to stop blaming yourself for thing your child does when you know you taught them better than that.

Quoting Mommabearbergh:


well that is the way you choose to be with your kids but I don't see it that way. I personally wanna see my daughter do nothing but succeed at getting her diploma and every degree she seeks after. If it takes me sitting my self next to her  when she is doing her homework  then that is what I will do. No i can't go to class with her but I can call her teacher to make sure she went and  that she is getting the grades she should be and if she isn't i am gonna do whatever i have to make sure she is getting them.If she doesn't finish highschool then somewhere i messed up as a parent because all though the law says she is legal at eighteen...until she can stand on her own two with a degree she is my sole responsibility and i feel if she fails at something like a diploma so the hell did i but if you don't see it that way its fine thats how you live your life.The OP asked my opinion and i gave it to her because as a parent we have a responsiblity to our childs education.

Quoting Stacey1081975:

 I disagree because as a parent I can help him and push him but until he is ready to do the work there is nothing you can do. I cant go to class with them or do their homework for them. i make sure my children have everything and everyone (tutor) they need to pass and graduate so HELL no I will not take the blame for any of it!

Quoting Mommabearbergh:

 

I agree.

but to add :the parent has some blame in it. just as you want him to be into his education so should you. if he was being lazy sit next to him and push him.if he was strugglign then get a college student to be a tutor. I feel like getting your child to graduate h.s. is the biggest test a parent has to pass. I rather be all up in their space then letting them do it on their own when i know their habit.

Quoting Deshonsmommy:

I think that you should share some of the blame, maybe you should have gotten a tutor or sat down with him and made sure he did it. Kids are lazy I get it but that should not be an excuse for them not to try and for you not to make them. imo

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Stacey1081975
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:04 AM

 I agree you CAN NOT wait until senior year to try..

I dont think parents understand you can not blame yourself when you know you went over and beyond to make sure your child gets the education you want them to have....All of this is very personal for me because I had to go to counseling to understand why my son cut school for 26 days, I blamed myself and the counsel said "How can you blame yourself when you did/do everything for him....you drop him off at school, pick him up from school, make sure he has a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his stomach. You made sure he had all the help he need for school. So what more can you do? You work everyday because you are a single parent and you still come home and help with homework , cook dinner, pay all the bills, talk to and play with your children.. So again I ask why are you blaming yourself for?"

***sidebar***In the state of MD if your children cut school you are responsible and you could get fined $50 everyday that child misses and/or do jail time, so because my son cut 26 days, I had to pay $1,300 so I wouldn't go to jail.....

Quoting luvthagirl:

I agree, good work/study habits starts early on and as parents it's our job to in still those values. IMO you can't wait until Senior year to try and pull it together

Quoting Deshonsmommy:

I think that you should share some of the blame, maybe you should have gotten a tutor or sat down with him and made sure he did it. Kids are lazy I get it but that should not be an excuse for them not to try and for you not to make them. imo

 

 

PinkButterfly66
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:11 AM

Was he being lazy or did he need help?  Did you consider that maybe he needed tutoring?

wearymoon
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 8:54 AM

Should you be upset with yourself, I have to say no, you should not. I'm assuming you're talking about your son graduating high school. From all that you stated above, you did the majority of what a parent is suppose to do to help him make the right choices and decisions to graduate. The most important lesson a child can learn from their parents is how to make the right choices to succeed in life. He may not learn that lesson now but if you are still in his ear, he'll hear you sooner or later. My oldest, I sat with him, I attended conferences, sent him to live with his grandfather for a while, he did graduate HS but now, at 25, he is making the worst decisions of his life. My 18 year old, I don't bother him, he passed 10th grade by the skin of his teeth. He's doing great, he's apart of the teen writers guild with a publishing in the works. My 15 year old, tutors, extra help in school, meetings, lectures, you name it, I've tried it for him. He's flunking 10th grade. Am I blaming myself for my 25 and 15 year olds' choices, I did but I have learned, you cannot make anyone, child or otherwise do something they do not want to do. You can provide them with tools and resources, you can put the fear of GOD in them but ultimately they have to want it for themselves.

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