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African American Mommies African American Mommies

Not Black Enough??? Venting!!!

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM
  • 14 Replies

 Hello Ladies!

One day when I was a little girl, My mom called me and placed a mirror in front of me. She said "Look in the mirror. What color are you?" I said "Brown." She said "OK baby. I brought you to this mirror to let you see even though you are biracial, the world will see you as being a brown girl. To the world you're not considered both. It's either one or the other". ( This was back in the 70's) Even though I was able to embrace both races, I still considered myself African American. I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and there were a total of 5 AA families, 1 Asian family, and the town was predominantly White. So I grew up with what is considered proper English (LOL) So when I moved to MD in high school, I seemed to not fit in. I was considered a "Oreo" meaning black on the outside and white on the inside. I just never seemed to fit in. My father's side of the family didn't accept me because I was too dark so I always had this inferior feeling when it came to my father's family. I was too black. So to go from one extreme to another being too black from my own family and not being black enough from my peers, I just felt all out of place. And to this day I still sometimes have issues with trying to figure out where I belong with my peers. Here at work, I'm considered a wanna be. what ignited this post was I overheard a coworker saying "Wow, because she's mixed she can't even be herself" I found that puzzling. So I asked her why am I not being myself? She was so surprised that I said something. I usually don't I always tried to take the high road and not stoop to their level because they are ALWAYS saying stuff like I'm not black enough. She said don't mind me girl I'm just teasing, you sound so white when u talk to the patients. I said so sounding like you have sense and pronouncing words properly is considered white? Since when? She just walked away and was laughing. That laughing was making me even more upset but I let it go. I felt good for saying something when I never did before.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MANILOVE
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:49 PM
2 moms liked this

I come to realize people will always have something to say, just do your best not to let it get to you. I'm working hard on that myself, on not letting things get to me. Your co-worker comment make no sense, who is she to say you are not being yourself. She doesn't know you in a personal level, let them run their mouth.

blkfootblaque
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this



Quoting sommerrae:

 Hello Ladies!

One day when I was a little girl, My mom called me and placed a mirror in front of me. She said "Look in the mirror. What color are you?" I said "Brown." She said "OK baby. I brought you to this mirror to let you see even though you are biracial, the world will see you as being a brown girl. To the world you're not considered both. It's either one or the other". ( This was back in the 70's) Even though I was able to embrace both races, I still considered myself African American. I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and there were a total of 5 AA families, 1 Asian family, and the town was predominantly White. So I grew up with what is considered proper English (LOL) So when I moved to MD in high school, I seemed to not fit in. I was considered a "Oreo" meaning black on the outside and white on the inside. I just never seemed to fit in. My father's side of the family didn't accept me because I was too dark so I always had this inferior feeling when it came to my father's family. I was too black. So to go from one extreme to another being too black from my own family and not being black enough from my peers, I just felt all out of place. And to this day I still sometimes have issues with trying to figure out where I belong with my peers. Here at work, I'm considered a wanna be. what ignited this post was I overheard a coworker saying "Wow, because she's mixed she can't even be herself" I found that puzzling. So I asked her why am I not being myself? She was so surprised that I said something. I usually don't I always tried to take the high road and not stoop to their level because they are ALWAYS saying stuff like I'm not black enough. She said don't mind me girl I'm just teasing, you sound so white when u talk to the patients. I said so sounding like you have sense and pronouncing words properly is considered white? Since when? She just walked away and was laughing. That laughing was making me even more upset but I let it go. I felt good for saying something when I never did befor

Well good for you.  The name I use for myself explains my nationality, this is my screen name or e-mail address.  People have called me a Latina, Puerto-rican and even my own people said I act white.  For using proper manners, for teaching or instructing morals, principles, values and rules.  They say not afro-american, or as some say I'm mixed.  To the caucasion race, I am a Negro, and I will always be one until I die.  So to help some of these folks out, I declare my race to be Blackfoot Indian-Afro-American.  When I put it that way, they shrug their shoulders and say "Oh yea, she's Black. LOL


giving heart


sommerrae
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 1:55 PM

I like it!! Thanks :) 


Quoting blkfootblaque:

 

 

Quoting sommerrae:

 Hello Ladies!

One day when I was a little girl, My mom called me and placed a mirror in front of me. She said "Look in the mirror. What color are you?" I said "Brown." She said "OK baby. I brought you to this mirror to let you see even though you are biracial, the world will see you as being a brown girl. To the world you're not considered both. It's either one or the other". ( This was back in the 70's) Even though I was able to embrace both races, I still considered myself African American. I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and there were a total of 5 AA families, 1 Asian family, and the town was predominantly White. So I grew up with what is considered proper English (LOL) So when I moved to MD in high school, I seemed to not fit in. I was considered a "Oreo" meaning black on the outside and white on the inside. I just never seemed to fit in. My father's side of the family didn't accept me because I was too dark so I always had this inferior feeling when it came to my father's family. I was too black. So to go from one extreme to another being too black from my own family and not being black enough from my peers, I just felt all out of place. And to this day I still sometimes have issues with trying to figure out where I belong with my peers. Here at work, I'm considered a wanna be. what ignited this post was I overheard a coworker saying "Wow, because she's mixed she can't even be herself" I found that puzzling. So I asked her why am I not being myself? She was so surprised that I said something. I usually don't I always tried to take the high road and not stoop to their level because they are ALWAYS saying stuff like I'm not black enough. She said don't mind me girl I'm just teasing, you sound so white when u talk to the patients. I said so sounding like you have sense and pronouncing words properly is considered white? Since when? She just walked away and was laughing. That laughing was making me even more upset but I let it go. I felt good for saying something when I never did befor

Well good for you.  The name I use for myself explains my nationality, this is my screen name or e-mail address.  People have called me a Latina, Puerto-rican and even my own people said I act white.  For using proper manners, for teaching or instructing morals, principles, values and rules.  They say not afro-american, or as some say I'm mixed.  To the caucasion race, I am a Negro, and I will always be one until I die.  So to help some of these folks out, I declare my race to be Blackfoot Indian-Afro-American.  When I put it that way, they shrug their shoulders and say "Oh yea, she's Black. LOL

 

giving heart

 


 

CocolateLady
by BookWorm on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow! we have A LOT in common!!

My two younger sisters and I grew up in mostly white small towns and went to schools where at times we were the only  black kids there, or there were only a handful of us. I "Sound white" and was teased by my cousins from Chicago, when on the flip side my sisters and I thought they talked funny NOT properly pronouncing words. I would feel odd and out of place around to many Black kids and afraid to talk! :-/ because they would have something to say. Sometimes our cousins would have us say words. crowd around us and tell us "Say water"  we would say it and they would get a kick out of it. Called my sisters and I a Oreo, white girl trapped in a black girls body.

krisdev67
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 2:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 IMO it doesn't matter what your racial background is.  I'm ALL AA and I've had people tell me that for YEARS, even when I was in HS and beyond.  I've also heard them say that about my daughter and my son.  My kids have said others have said that about them.  I really can give a flying F!  I will say that I talk slang when I'm with my fam and I've noticed my kids talk slang when they're with their friends.  However they both know when it comes to work and school they need to be on their P's and Q's.

Dana267
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 3:59 PM

Even African American women who are fair skin and some who are not but don't fit the stereotype are called "not black enough".

Who cares.

LNLMommy
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:13 PM

 Same experiences here (although listening to my work voicemail message-I do sound "white").. While it is annoying, you gotta let things roll off your back. Sadly in our community sounding white equates to speaking proper English.

queensweet
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 9:20 PM

I am from Baltimore, Maryland. I was raised for most of my life in the hood but I was not raised hood. My mother taught me to speak proper English and carry myself with respect. Because of this, I was ridiculed for not being Black enough and was an outcast. To this day, I am still an outcast with AA. shrugs.Self hatred- It is what it is.

k_cook12
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:12 AM
2 moms liked this
I have been called a black girl trapped in a white girls body. I speak proper and on the phone people assume I am white or talk like I am white. My husband is white(I dont discriminate and no I dont talk proper because of him. This started in high school). But when I was a server, there was this white girl who wants to be black. She only dates black guys and I have no problem with that, but one day she made the comment that we need to switch bodies because she's blacker than I am. I was confused so I asked what she meant. Her response was since I dont act black or date black guys, we should switch bodies. I was pissed off because here she was saying that I dont deserve to be black because I talk proper and I settled down with a white man. She says she acts blacker than I do. Smh. In her opinion I guess I need to talk ghetto and loud and sleep around with random guys because this is what she does to act black. Pure ignorance.
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MomTiara19
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.

I myself can relate to you in many ways.I grew up with my bio black mom and white step dad who adopted me at age 9.I was raised to speak proper Englishand lived in a predominately white neighborhood.I could never seem to fit with any type of crowd....and I heard the oreo term too.

Later in life I married my Italian husband who is blond with blue eyes.We have two amazing kids who are now dd 13 and ds 21.They look more like me...exotic,caramel,dark hair and eyes(Not that I look like that...im dark skinned...they just look more like me:).I think my inlaws have issues but they do see my kids and give them money etc.That's a whole other story...lol..

I have talked to my kids about sereotypes and racism.My kids seemed to have learned how to embrace their mixed culture.The kids know my dh and I are in love and know how loved they are.Our little family means everything despite any naysayers.

Understand you don't have to fit into some stereotypical box of generalizations to please people.Be who you are as a person.If they get you fine...if they don't oh well.Surround yourself with people who can appreciate your uniqueness!You sound pretty sweet and special to me:)

Blessings,Tia

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