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African American Mommies African American Mommies

Not Black Enough??? Venting!!!

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 Hello Ladies!

One day when I was a little girl, My mom called me and placed a mirror in front of me. She said "Look in the mirror. What color are you?" I said "Brown." She said "OK baby. I brought you to this mirror to let you see even though you are biracial, the world will see you as being a brown girl. To the world you're not considered both. It's either one or the other". ( This was back in the 70's) Even though I was able to embrace both races, I still considered myself African American. I grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania and there were a total of 5 AA families, 1 Asian family, and the town was predominantly White. So I grew up with what is considered proper English (LOL) So when I moved to MD in high school, I seemed to not fit in. I was considered a "Oreo" meaning black on the outside and white on the inside. I just never seemed to fit in. My father's side of the family didn't accept me because I was too dark so I always had this inferior feeling when it came to my father's family. I was too black. So to go from one extreme to another being too black from my own family and not being black enough from my peers, I just felt all out of place. And to this day I still sometimes have issues with trying to figure out where I belong with my peers. Here at work, I'm considered a wanna be. what ignited this post was I overheard a coworker saying "Wow, because she's mixed she can't even be herself" I found that puzzling. So I asked her why am I not being myself? She was so surprised that I said something. I usually don't I always tried to take the high road and not stoop to their level because they are ALWAYS saying stuff like I'm not black enough. She said don't mind me girl I'm just teasing, you sound so white when u talk to the patients. I said so sounding like you have sense and pronouncing words properly is considered white? Since when? She just walked away and was laughing. That laughing was making me even more upset but I let it go. I felt good for saying something when I never did before.

by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM
Replies (11-14):
sillytime
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:41 AM
You are who you are! Don't let anyone get in your mind that doesn't belong there! ❤
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sommerrae
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:28 AM

Thank you.... 

Very nice and very sweet! :) I just dont like it when people say things like get over it, it's a part of society or anything else to cancel out how I was feeling yesterday.  I know people say things but being rude to someone to me no matter what racial background you have it's wrong. I'm in a happier place today. I was feeling kind of low yesterday but today is a new day and Im in a good place. God loves me, I have a wonderful family and great friends who also loves me. Oh and all of you with your kind words Helped me out too!

 

Thanks again!!! :)


Quoting MomTiara19:

I am so sorry you are experiencing this.

I myself can relate to you in many ways.I grew up with my bio black mom and white step dad who adopted me at age 9.I was raised to speak proper Englishand lived in a predominately white neighborhood.I could never seem to fit with any type of crowd....and I heard the oreo term too.

Later in life I married my Italian husband who is blond with blue eyes.We have two amazing kids who are now dd 13 and ds 21.They look more like me...exotic,caramel,dark hair and eyes(Not that I look like that...im dark skinned...they just look more like me:).I think my inlaws have issues but they do see my kids and give them money etc.That's a whole other story...lol..

I have talked to my kids about sereotypes and racism.My kids seemed to have learned how to embrace their mixed culture.The kids know my dh and I are in love and know how loved they are.Our little family means everything despite any naysayers.

Understand you don't have to fit into some stereotypical box of generalizations to please people.Be who you are as a person.If they get you fine...if they don't oh well.Surround yourself with people who can appreciate your uniqueness!You sound pretty sweet and special to me:)

Blessings,Tia


 

ikesmommy
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:29 PM
1 mom liked this

People with mixed cultures have a uniqueness that they each need to embrace. Feel free not to explain it to others because they would never understand. And especially, don't let 100% AA women make you feel inferior about being partially AA. You didn't pick yourself.

mylesmommy6911
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:08 PM
1 mom liked this

i deal with this very often as well, my mothers side of the family is from Panama and Barbados and mixed with Hindu, Black, Hispanic and White.I consider myself Black Latina.We talk "proper" what is considered in some circles as "talking white". People find it hard to perceive me and often ask who am i trying to be or what am i because they can see that i have black in me. At first i really thought people didn't like me because i have lighter skin but when i got older some of my cousins that aren't mixed made fun of my and said  i sound like a "white girl". it has made it very difficult to fit in any where, it hurts because most of the time i get judged by the people who "look" like me. i Love and embrace every part of me.

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