Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

African American Mommies African American Mommies

dont know what the problem is

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:02 PM
  • 20 Replies

my son who is 10 will be 11 in two weeks has been acting up in school constantly the teacher calls me every day, I've punished him whipped his ass, took all toys , ipod , ds and scooter from him he stil asks like a donkey in school, its gotten to the point the school has referred him ti see a therapist. it hurts me to my heart that  he wont tell me whats wrong with him. not looking for smart ass replies just suggestions if you have them.     frustrated

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:02 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Mi8Mi8
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:45 PM
2 moms liked this

Hey Alishea...-

I have a 12 year old that has ADHD hyperactive type and he is oppositional at times.  In my experience, kids don't really enjoy being in trouble.  If loosing privileges don't seem to phase him, you might want to look into Oppositional disorder.

In the meantime, it appears that he has so many nice things, that you may need to take away several things at once to get his attention.  I'm of the Dr. Phil mindset.  Take everything except his mattress.  Lock up all electronics.  Maybe even leaving them in your office or trunk or shed.  He has to show behavioral change to get them back.  One at a time. 

Now work on your relationship with him.  Try not to hit him.  That tends to backfire.  Either you'll hit him and hurt yourself. (been there, done that)  Or it'll go on to the point where he'll get the idea to hit you back.  (one day that's not gonna work for you)  No condemnation here... just real talk.

Kid's don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.  Sit with him, while he does his homework.  Or have him do it in the kitchen, while you make dinner.  I know it seems like he's too old for that, but some kids need  what we "ADHD'ers" call a body-double.

See the therapist. He may tell the therapist what he won't tell you.  Are you a single mom?  Do you think he's acting out because he "UNFAIRLY" blames you for his dad not being around?  Kids sometimes think strange things.

I wish you the best.  I have an idea of what you must be going through.  You've done the right thing by reaching out.  Blessings!!!

 

CoolRelax
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 4:52 PM

 Is he being bullied?

alisheamonet33
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:00 PM

 

he isnt saying and  the teachers arent saying he is

Quoting CoolRelax:

 Is he being bullied?


 

alisheamonet33
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 5:09 PM

 

take you so much for telling me of your experiances ive done the taking everything , yea the hitting is getting old and i have hurt myself doing so, im looking into therapy right now waiting for one that was recominded by the school , i am a single mother and though his dad isnt around often my bestfriend is male and takes him out just to do guy things all the time . im going to look up some info now!!! i ve been dealing with this for sto long and i feel myself becoming stressed out. thanks agian for taking the time out to respond!

Quoting Mi8Mi8:

Hey Alishea...-

I have a 12 year old that has ADHD hyperactive type and he is oppositional at times.  In my experience, kids don't really enjoy being in trouble.  If loosing privileges don't seem to phase him, you might want to look into Oppositional disorder.

In the meantime, it appears that he has so many nice things, that you may need to take away several things at once to get his attention.  I'm of the Dr. Phil mindset.  Take everything except his mattress.  Lock up all electronics.  Maybe even leaving them in your office or trunk or shed.  He has to show behavioral change to get them back.  One at a time. 

Now work on your relationship with him.  Try not to hit him.  That tends to backfire.  Either you'll hit him and hurt yourself. (been there, done that)  Or it'll go on to the point where he'll get the idea to hit you back.  (one day that's not gonna work for you)  No condemnation here... just real talk.

Kid's don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.  Sit with him, while he does his homework.  Or have him do it in the kitchen, while you make dinner.  I know it seems like he's too old for that, but some kids need  what we "ADHD'ers" call a body-double.

See the therapist. He may tell the therapist what he won't tell you.  Are you a single mom?  Do you think he's acting out because he "UNFAIRLY" blames you for his dad not being around?  Kids sometimes think strange things.

I wish you the best.  I have an idea of what you must be going through.  You've done the right thing by reaching out.  Blessings!!!

 


 

Mi8Mi8
by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 6:34 PM
2 moms liked this

You're very welcome.  Hang in there.  Something keeps telling me he's mad about his Dad.  Be his safety net.  Allow him to cry if necessary.  He may also be testing you to see what it would take to make you go away too.  Be steadfast.  Let him know that you'll always love him.  You'll always be there, as much as he'll let you,

But at the same time, there are house rules.  And he can't treat you any 'ole kinda way!  Love and Structure, boundries, ya know?

I'm praying for you.  I just know he'll come around.!

.Peaches.
by Le Chatte Noire on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:21 PM

Are you going to take him to see a therapist, as suggested?

ginene
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:02 AM
Do you have two jobs? I asked just just in case he wants attention.



Also since beating and taking away doesn't work I would try counseling or rewarding for something that he did that was good. Also try doing the opposite of what you normally do. Some kids get immune to discipline and yelling and think its normal.



Maybe Sunday school or have him volunteer somewhere that would force him to help others in the weekend.

Also is there a possibility he maybe bullied?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
rayroe2
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:13 AM
1 mom liked this
I was in special ed classes and had a Iep. He prob just doesn't know how to tell you he learns better in a smaller environment. Has anything traumatic happen to him or in the home?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
alisheamonet33
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:07 AM
1 mom liked this

 im looking into therapey now i have tried not hiting him just talking to him ive tried rewarding him i give him time with me one on one no i only work one job. i have really tried it all i pray that thereapy works nothing tramatic has happened to him or in the home! he has been im programs through his school which had mentors he was happy with doing it but still had the same issues


Quoting ginene:

Do you have two jobs? I asked just just in case he wants attention.



Also since beating and taking away doesn't work I would try counseling or rewarding for something that he did that was good. Also try doing the opposite of what you normally do. Some kids get immune to discipline and yelling and think its normal.



Maybe Sunday school or have him volunteer somewhere that would force him to help others in the weekend.

Also is there a possibility he maybe bullied?


 

alisheamonet33
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 9:08 AM

 

so for all the typos

Quoting alisheamonet33:

 

take you so much for telling me of your experiances ive done the taking everything , yea the hitting is getting old and i have hurt myself doing so, im looking into therapy right now waiting for one that was recominded by the school , i am a single mother and though his dad isnt around often my bestfriend is male and takes him out just to do guy things all the time . im going to look up some info now!!! i ve been dealing with this for sto long and i feel myself becoming stressed out. thanks agian for taking the time out to respond!

Quoting Mi8Mi8:

Hey Alishea...-

I have a 12 year old that has ADHD hyperactive type and he is oppositional at times.  In my experience, kids don't really enjoy being in trouble.  If loosing privileges don't seem to phase him, you might want to look into Oppositional disorder.

In the meantime, it appears that he has so many nice things, that you may need to take away several things at once to get his attention.  I'm of the Dr. Phil mindset.  Take everything except his mattress.  Lock up all electronics.  Maybe even leaving them in your office or trunk or shed.  He has to show behavioral change to get them back.  One at a time. 

Now work on your relationship with him.  Try not to hit him.  That tends to backfire.  Either you'll hit him and hurt yourself. (been there, done that)  Or it'll go on to the point where he'll get the idea to hit you back.  (one day that's not gonna work for you)  No condemnation here... just real talk.

Kid's don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.  Sit with him, while he does his homework.  Or have him do it in the kitchen, while you make dinner.  I know it seems like he's too old for that, but some kids need  what we "ADHD'ers" call a body-double.

See the therapist. He may tell the therapist what he won't tell you.  Are you a single mom?  Do you think he's acting out because he "UNFAIRLY" blames you for his dad not being around?  Kids sometimes think strange things.

I wish you the best.  I have an idea of what you must be going through.  You've done the right thing by reaching out.  Blessings!!!

 

 

 


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)