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Dealing with Resentment and Single Motherhood

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:41 PM
  • 16 Replies

For those that are single mothers as a result of circumstance ( mainly the dumb ass bd) and not by choice, how long did it take you to get over the disappointment, resentment, anger and sadness of the situation and what did it take?


Just a little background...I broke up with my baby's father after he left me in the hospital by myself after a difficult labour. He cheated on me the whole time i was pregnant, i do not miss that relationship and will never go back to him. I love my son so much but it can be overwhelming at times to think about the road i have a head of me, i was not planning to do this alone. I held on to his father even though all my female intuition told me better because i wanted to give him the chance of having a family. I have so much resentment, anger, and sadness and know its not healthy to feel this way. I just want to know for any others that have similar situations, how did you you come to terms with everything?

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Ali32
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:59 PM
2 moms liked this

Hugs mama! It will get better.  I wasn't planning on doing this alone either and was virtually alone my entire pregnancy and most of the first year of my daughter's life. Even when her father was around, it was like he wasn't; he wasn't involved in anything with her. I still have some resentment but I'm not as sad about it. It is what it is and I just do the best that I can and be the best mother that I can for my daughter. 

misssy2000
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 12:26 AM
1 mom liked this

I am not a single mom but I have dealt things. Have you thought of a support group or maybe something like Celebrate Recovery? Having a safe place to express what you feel might help. Hugs.

Hottmomma607
by Group Mod - Trica on Apr. 2, 2013 at 12:54 AM
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Dana267
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 6:24 AM
5 moms liked this
One thing I would focus on if I were on your situation is how proud you should be of yourself for not being willing to be mistreated and to make the decision to be with someone who LOVES you.

That's big. Some people will try to make you feel like its worse if you don't have a man - but I think it's worse when you have a man that doesn't value you and the child.

You had the guts to want more for yourself and THAT'S THE SHIT!
mamadee1971
by Dionne on Apr. 2, 2013 at 6:45 AM
2 moms liked this

Hugs for you, mama.  Be strong for your son.  I'm a single mom, also, due to my children's father choosing drugs,stealing,freeloading over family.  I just had that breaking point, even though I've given that fool "umpteam" (sp?) times to clean up his act, at least for our children's sake and he just wouldn't budge, so out the door he goes and I wasn't turning back. 

I do miss having an (male) adult , in the house, especially for my son's sake, but his father was nothing but negative vibes.  I do miss the intimacy, the conversations, but when he decides to "burn off" to a crackhouse, I'd hope that he get caught, "man up" and go to rehab and get his shit together, but obviously his mind was too far gone.

So, it's been a little over a year since we broke up.  It's tough raising two children (a 4 year old son and 6 year old daughter) by myself, but I've been blessed because I've decided to let go an let God handle it.  I've returned to school to better my income situtation, my kid's are "A/B" students, after losing my mom's house to foreclosure, I was inherited my childhood home and it's paid off so no more mortgage/rent, I have my own transportation,again and the extra stress load is gone.  My focus is my children and myself.  I have no resentments,anger or sadness, because I have to keep it moving.

moosesmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:35 AM
1 mom liked this

It took me years. There's no specific advice for getting over that. Everyone is different and overcomes those feelings in different ways. For me it wasn't the time that healed those wounds but what I did during that time...being constructive, stayingg busy, picking up old hobbies etc...

**Stop worrying about the road ahead. Because you don't know what tomorrow holds. Take everything day by day. Don't focus to much on the future. Baby steps :-)

TishHughes
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:58 AM
2 moms liked this

LOL, the way that I got over it was kinda weird. I was deployed and got into it with my cousin (who was keeping my daughter for me) over some money. Yeah, of all things. Well she started saying dumb ish like she was going to drop my child off at the welfare office. There was nothing that I could do cause I was in a totally different country and for the first time ever, I had to reach out to my DD's dad. I didn't want to but I didn't have an option. I explained what was going on and I even cried...on the phone with this man who I claimed to hate. We talked and I explained to him that I could send whatever, just go get my damn kid. And he did. He drove from Georgia to Oklahoma and back to get my daughter. I found out in January (a year after the fact) that he had just had a minor surgery the day before. He got snipped but I'm sure he wasn't feeling that well, but he still went. And every time I called to talk to DD, he answered and I got to talk to my baby. And every since then, whatever hatred I had or resentment or whatever went away. Yes I still get highly pissed at him but I don't act as stupid as I did before. He hasn't called my daughter since January, but I don't say anything. Before, I'd be bitching. But instead, I keep it moving. I don't know, I just let that stuff go. It wasn't doing anything for me. Just made me more angry and bitter and I didn't like that. All of that past stuff just isn't any of my concern anymore because it's the past. I just chose to get over it, that's all. Hope you do, too. =)

My siggy says it best

TrulyMicka
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

this...i was with my girls dad for 7 yrs...i feel like that fool got the best of me & i feel like u let down...disappointed & some more things....& like u i would never go back...it took me awhile to get over it....It took alot of prayer...alot of doing for myself bc once i got rid of him I got rid of all the bs & ppl that didnt mean me anygood...from close friends to family...just thank God you moved on....you have your children...i cut him off completely for awhile...the kids missed him but it wasnt doing them anygood seeing us fight & argue...now im able to be cordial with him but for the most part i do what i do alone..you gotta just forgive & let go

Quoting Dana267:

One thing I would focus on if I were on your situation is how proud you should be of yourself for not being willing to be mistreated and to make the decision to be with someone who LOVES you.

That's big. Some people will try to make you feel like its worse if you don't have a man - but I think it's worse when you have a man that doesn't value you and the child.

You had the guts to want more for yourself and THAT'S THE SHIT!


mspecan_tan
by Silver Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:54 AM

 Do you have any friends or family near you? Count your blessings and look at the beauty ahead of you, stop worrying or focusing on the past and let it go. Become more active, get involved with your child.

mommy2Alyssa24
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Well my husband walked out on me when my daughter was barely 5 months. We also had a 2 year old daughter. After 3 and half years of marriage he decided that marriage wasnt for him. I was hurt at first and bitter. Its almost a year later and I realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Is it hard? Yes! I dont have a social life. I work every day and then come home to my kids. He has not done anything for my kids since he left so its all me. He has tried to get back with me but I refuse. Trust me time heals all wounds!
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