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Stepparent Question

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 8:54 AM
  • 37 Replies
Is it necessary to have a relationship with a stepparent? My kids SM is very angry and lashes out a lot in family therapy. She finally admitted to how she was angry with herself and that she felt that my XDH has taken her for granted when it comes to our children because he delegates so many duties to her when they have the kids. Also she stated that she didn't want our kids to come stay with them because she doesn't want that responsibility. She even thought that I wanted my kids father to take our teenage DS due to me calling him on several occasions about him being a class clown.

Some of you may remember an old post that I had concerning her scratching my daughters face
for peeing on herself(she said it was an accident but I told her she had no busy touching her) and my XDH breaking her finger from not eating. So as a result of so much we are all in counseling. The counselor said that of course the biological parents are the primary disciplinarians, POINT BLANK PERIOD. Also she felt that the stepparents and biological parents should try to have some form of relationship. My thing is that my XDH and the SM has put me threw all sorts of HELL with court for stupid mess so why do I need to have a relationship with SM. She's always angry about everything and downs me and thinking I wanted my XDH(he was abusive) back. Ummm no thanks. My name ain't Everlast.

I may seem all over in this post but I was curious as what you all thought. If I could write a book in this post, you would be shocked.
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by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 8:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Rain2Rinse
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:08 AM
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This here is part of the reason that I will not ever again date a man with children. Sometimes people go into new relationships and have to deal with their partner's emotional baggage. I will be damned before I have to deal with physical baggage, too. Therapy, and visitation, dealing with ex this and step that... Totally not for me.

I do, however, wish you the best in your situation. Hopefully everything works out for all of you.
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mstricey
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 10:13 AM
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I think if she didn't want the responsibility she should have never engaged a relationship with a man who had children with an active mother in their lives... Umm also he BROKE your dds finger?
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mami2my3rugratz
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:29 AM
Yes it can be a mess and I hope things get better too.


Quoting Rain2Rinse:

This here is part of the reason that I will not ever again date a man with children. Sometimes people go into new relationships and have to deal with their partner's emotional baggage. I will be damned before I have to deal with physical baggage, too. Therapy, and visitation, dealing with ex this and step that... Totally not for me.



I do, however, wish you the best in your situation. Hopefully everything works out for all of you.

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craftymom2b
by Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:33 AM
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If it was just you then no, but for your kids sake I wouldn't make it a point be rivals. Truly I understand how you feel.

mami2my3rugratz
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:33 AM
And they just had a baby so what about the responsibility. I think she was thinking he would be a man that puts his kids on the back burner. Yeah, he broke our DD's finger and he got into trouble. It's just been a big mess and I don't see how I can trust to have a relationship with the SM like that.


Quoting mstricey:

I think if she didn't want the responsibility she should have never engaged a relationship with a man who had children with an active mother in their lives... Umm also he BROKE your dds finger?

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MomRocs1102
by Gold Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 11:53 AM
My kids wouldnt be around her, your ex shouldnt even want her, she knew he was An active parent when she got with him. Sad, but i hope you and your ex come to a good arrangement.
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TrulyMicka
by Gold Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:05 PM
From just this post I dont see any reason in having any relationship other than to make sure u can have a more watchful eye on the both of them..I dont be bother with ppl that dont wanna be bothered with me...I teach my kids the same...sooo no i would not force it or them. I would be nervous as hell sending my children to visit especially overnight!! & im not the overly protective type...i dont mind my children staying with their father over his new gf's house...i dont mind if she is in the car when he comes to get them as long as they dont mistreat my babies (& i still cant get him to act right by his children smh thats another story) But see in your sitaution they f***ed up!!! Id probably be in jail instead of counciling lol
mami2my3rugratz
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:24 PM
She has said so many times in counseling how she wouldn't want the kids full time. And one of our sessions I said "What if I passed away..." I couldn't eve finish my answer and she cut me off yelling "Oh no! I pray God gives you longevity because I don't want your kids. I don't want your kids!" So I'm like but you love their father and she said that didn't mean anything. I was like DANG it's like that. So I do pray God keeps me on this earth and in sound mind so I can continue to raise them. But I'm working along with my ex to maintain a relationship with our kids. That wife of his though is a case.


Quoting MomRocs1102:

My kids wouldnt be around her, your ex shouldnt even want her, she knew he was An active parent when she got with him. Sad, but i hope you and your ex come to a good arrangement.

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mami2my3rugratz
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:40 PM
Oh trust, I was in my car getting ready to drive out of state to go whip some butt. My momma called me and was like "Carry your crazy tail home. Think about the kids and they don't need to be with them or foster care." I was going off. She had to pray for me.

I teach my kids to be respectful. My ex says she wants to be a great SM but how is that when she wouldn't take them if something happened to me. Our children aren't unruly or defiant like that. Our DS said she gets attitudes and starts fights with their father so she's the one unstable. And I'm tired of therapy. I don't bother her or him. I only contact him if it's about the kids and no extras.


Quoting TrulyMicka:

From just this post I dont see any reason in having any relationship other than to make sure u can have a more watchful eye on the both of them..I dont be bother with ppl that dont wanna be bothered with me...I teach my kids the same...sooo no i would not force it or them. I would be nervous as hell sending my children to visit especially overnight!! & im not the overly protective type...i dont mind my children staying with their father over his new gf's house...i dont mind if she is in the car when he comes to get them as long as they dont mistreat my babies (& i still cant get him to act right by his children smh thats another story)
But see in your sitaution they f***ed up!!! Id probably be in jail instead of counciling lol

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RoyalBlossom
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 1:53 PM
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Wow. When people are in extended family relationships it does become hare on the step parent, because occasionally you have to have this child in your home and they can do what they want and you can't discipline them the way you would do your own child. You have to be on pins and needles in your own home. The biological parent is like she/he is new and they better not touch my child they are just mad because I was first.  If adults would be adults and talk about their situations hopefully it would work out better for all involved. There shouldn't be rules to the way a person can act in their house just because their step children come over. No one likes the ex having that much control of their life.

My friend has a stepchild who is with her most of the time she visits her father, yet my friend cant discipline her and the child can be all kinds of bad and mouthy when she wants. The mother is like don't touch my child,don't leave her alone with that woman, and don't use any of her stuff. Yet she will have her over there for a week knowing the father works so where does she think the child is when she isn't with her or the father. 

These things seem too hard. I would say you and the SM don't have to be besties but if she is going to be a part of your childs life then you need to create some type of relationship with her.

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