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African American Mommies African American Mommies

Standards of Beauty **Edit**

Posted by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:59 AM
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Have you all had the issue of trying to explain to your S/O or Husband that black women being treated as less than beautiful because of the color of their skin is a thing?  My husband really can't see it.  He thought Oprah's "Dark Girls" thing was silly and didn't understand why it was even a topic of discussion.  He was later shocked at our friend's sister for saying that she'd always had a problem getting men just because of how dark she is. 

Each time it comes up, I give him my incredulous look and assure him that it IS a thing that a lot of black women experience because of the color of their skin, how they choose to wear their hair, how many curves they have, etc.  Granted, many of us get over how the rest of the world judges our beauty, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a process.  What worries me is that because he doesn't get it, he may write it off if our daughter ever comes at him with issues she has/feels because of the same thing.

What are your thoughts on the issue?  Is there any advice on how I should handle this with him when it comes up?


ETA: This and the comments on it... http://www.theroot.com/buzz/kevin-hart-black-women-assume-they-know-your-life.  I didn't even go looking for this yall.

by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CoolRelax
by Silver Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:22 AM
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Personally, I'm glad that my man doesn't "get it".  I don't need anyone else feeding that fire.  I want to come home to a man who thinks that OF COURSE I'm beautiful.  Every woman, no matter her skin color, has image hang-ups, it's like a rite of passage.  I don't know why, at 34 and after birthing my twins, I feel better about my looks than I ever did when I was young, fit and free of stretch marks.  I'm still the same shade of chocolate brown, my hair is still thick and nappy.  But I dare you to tell me I'm not fly.  Just don't look at my feet. 

Mommabearbergh
by Gold Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:28 AM
My husband gets it. I am glad he does though because I know when it comes to our girls he will know how to address it but he had his own issues being biracial. It's not a big deal to us but we are aware.
SonShine11
by Bronze Member on Aug. 21, 2013 at 9:37 AM
I don't know. I mean I know that it's real but never had an experience where it effected me directly. I've always had men compliment my shade of brown.
kjc143
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 10:17 AM

I don't need it to be a big deal, because I also don't need it ingrained in her from us.  However, I just need him to be able to acknowledge it and not write it off in the case that she does experience it and will then be able to address it.

MommeisQueen
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 2:49 PM
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My husband gets it! He has a lot of women in his family and of course we talk in depth about these things because we have three daughters; I'm proud to say all three are their own shade of brown and have their own unique hair texture. So far, we've only had this kind of issue come up with our oldest regarding her hair. First grade she wanted to have "yellow hair". I explained to her that blonde hair is its own kind of nice but her black kinky curly hair fits her. She started wearing her hair unpressed and fell in love with the freedom and beauty of her own strands.
.Peaches.
by Le Chatte Noire on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:47 PM

Some people really don't understand something like until they have first-hand experience- to them, it seems like everyone else is making it up.

Twinkies080189
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 6:57 PM
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It is a problem of today but usually white men want the black women they lust after her flesh ( in my brown voice) but most won't ever admit it. Ignorance is a evil form of fear I love the chocolate skin I'm in and I won't ever let my daughter hear otherwise we are beautiful that's why white women hate us and their men secretly want us.
CinnamonBunns84
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 8:37 PM
Yeah, me too. I have a friend and when we were younger she was teased for being that deep dark chocolate. When she got in her early twenties dudes were lined up for that chocolate.


Quoting SonShine11:

I don't know. I mean I know that it's real but never had an experience where it effected me directly. I've always had men compliment my shade of brown.

kjc143
by on Aug. 21, 2013 at 10:19 PM

Well, to be honest, what makes me give him the side eye specifically is one of his groups of friends (from sports he played) is a group of black men who as a rule do not date, respect, or even like Black women.  They're married to white women and one even asked him (when we were engaged) if he was still dating 'that black girl.'  So, to me he either feels like they're an anomaly in their treatment of Black women OR he's purposely putting up blinders.  

Pink.Sunshine.
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 2:14 AM
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Quoting SonShine11:

I don't know. I mean I know that it's real but never had an experience where it effected me directly. I've always had men compliment my shade of brown.


       

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