Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

African American Mommies African American Mommies

Well..I Guess this is it

Posted by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 6:04 PM
  • 29 Replies

I know most of you dont care but i just wanted to put an update on my situation and then im logging off because i need time to process.

Yesterday Jay and I went to Duke Fertility again so that he could give them an SA. (semen sample). While we were there we talked to a financial advisor who explained to us that our insurance will pay for 80 % and we pay 20. That leaves us with an out of pocket cost of 2105. Plus 784 just incase we have embryos left over to freeze. This to us was GREAT news and we left very happy and optimistic, because we were told i would not max my 10k cap and would have money left over to try a FET if i needed to. This was IVF without ICSI.

Well today the doctor called us and told DF that there was absolutely no sperm found in his ejaculate.

:( He is extremely sad right now and doesnt even want to be bothered or talked to. He keeps apologizing to me like its his fault. I sent him an extremely long text while he was at work telling him that i didnt care if he did or did not have any sperm (TMI) he still would always be the love of my life, my first love, and my husband and nothing could ever change that. I know there are some ways in which we can still have our own biological children, i know that ICSI now is something we will need which will be an additional cost. His mom told us that she would pay for the IVF/ICSI all together. (She spoils us, we never accept).

The devil is hard at work right now, with alot in my life. I would just post it all but ive learned not to put everything on here. I feel like this is a huge test and its hard to keep my head up during this time but i am remaining positive because i have been through so much more than this. Im logging off Cm though, to take some time to process, i know if i hang out here ill write a shit load of poems and tell all my business. Something im learning to work on. Someone here asked why am i in a rush to do so much im only 21. Its hard to explain. I never had a childhood. I dont know how to have fun. All my life ive dreamt of growing up, getting married, being a teacher, and being a mom. I dont desire to do anything else. I dont want to hang out and have fun. I want to give myself the family that no-one else gave me. So it may seem rushed to some people, but its my life dream to have the big family i couldnt have growing up.

Anyways. Well wishes to you all.


by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 6:04 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
michaelsmom25
by Silver Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 6:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs. I don't know your history with this issue but I know several couples who had issues conceiving. Once they stopped trying and just let things be they popped up pregnant. Like others have told you already, you are still young and have plenty of time to have kids. I know it's hard when you really want something right away but this is where maturity and patience come into play. GL and try not to stress too much about it
inmybizz
by Platinum Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 7:45 PM
1 mom liked this

All is not lost it depends on his condition..What is his diagnosis?  Depending on his diagnosis sometimes surgery can correct the problem.. He could have a blockage.. If he has bilateral absence of vas deferens surgery can't fix that and ICSI is needed. I would suggest he follow up.

AlliviasMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:31 PM

:( SIL and her dh were having male infertlity probs too. I think they had a count of 16 or something. One of the sperm was strong enough to fertlize an egg and now he is a 4 year old! The single sperm injection is the way to do it. It only takes ONE to make an embryo. Be glad you don't have infertilty issues. Then you would need several transfers (more headache). Don't stress it, it will happen. Good luck!

SoPoetic
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:35 PM
Quoting AlliviasMommy:

:( SIL and her dh were having male infertlity probs too. I think they had a count of 16 or something. One of the sperm was strong enough to fertlize an egg and now he is a 4 year old! The single sperm injection is the way to do it. It only takes ONE to make an embryo. Be glad you don't have infertilty issues. Then you would need several transfers (more headache). Don't stress it, it will happen. Good luck!




I do uave infertility issues. Thats how we started this process. We were going forward with ivf but found out his is infertile too...originally I was the problem..now it seems as though we both are. I have blocked tubes, he has no sperm, together we make nothing lol
jcrenshawswifey
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:44 PM
2 moms liked this

I know he's upset, but let him know that his lack of sperm doesn't make him any less of a man. His manhood is not determind by his ability to procreate. He's still a damn good man, father to little miss kennedy, and husband to you. 

AlliviasMommy
by Silver Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:46 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would wait to see if the embryo transfers are successful before you get yourself down. You still have that next step to look forward to. If all else fails (with the sperm), I would look into donor sperm. I know that is a crazy idea considering you want a biological child together.

Quoting SoPoetic:

Quoting AlliviasMommy:

:( SIL and her dh were having male infertlity probs too. I think they had a count of 16 or something. One of the sperm was strong enough to fertlize an egg and now he is a 4 year old! The single sperm injection is the way to do it. It only takes ONE to make an embryo. Be glad you don't have infertilty issues. Then you would need several transfers (more headache). Don't stress it, it will happen. Good luck!




I do uave infertility issues. Thats how we started this process. We were going forward with ivf but found out his is infertile too...originally I was the problem..now it seems as though we both are. I have blocked tubes, he has no sperm, together we make nothing lol



SoPoetic
by on Sep. 13, 2013 at 8:50 PM
Quoting AlliviasMommy:

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would wait to see if the embryo transfers are successful before you get yourself down. You still have that next step to look forward to. If all else fails (with the sperm), I would look into donor sperm. I know that is a crazy idea considering you want a biological child together.


Quoting SoPoetic:
Quoting AlliviasMommy:

:( SIL and her dh were having male infertlity probs too. I think they had a count of 16 or something. One of the sperm was strong enough to fertlize an egg and now he is a 4 year old! The single sperm injection is the way to do it. It only takes ONE to make an embryo. Be glad you don't have infertilty issues. Then you would need several transfers (more headache). Don't stress it, it will happen. Good luck!




I do uave infertility issues. Thats how we started this process. We were going forward with ivf but found out his is infertile too...originally I was the problem..now it seems as though we both are. I have blocked tubes, he has no sperm, together we make nothing lol




im keeping a positive mind im just a bit dissapointed. Now we have to wait 30 days before going forward with anything else.
Bunsmommy
by Ruby Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 9:39 PM
11 moms liked this
Have you ever considered that maybe now is not your time? I understand what your dream is, really I do but maybe right now is not the time for you to do this.
Now before the rah rah squad runs in saying "you can do that when you want, can't nobody tell you that you can't have a baby!" That's not what I'm saying, I'm saying there is a time and season for everything and maybe now is not your time. Even with you have Kennedy right now, you have a lot going on in your life, you have a lot of maturing to do (do I keep saying that to you?) when you have a baby and things go awry you can't go "but I'm only 21" don't nobody give a shit about that then! You can't allow yourself to become angry over the smallest things and fly off the handle, and most importantly you have to conquer those demons that are still controlling you and not allowing you to live your life to the fullest (have I said that before to you too?). After I miscarried and was at my lowest and felt as if I had failed in my duties as a woman and didn't want to go on someone very close to me gave me the mantra I have since uses many a dark day "God is still in heaven!" If you don't believe in God, then take it to mean that this is not your final moment.
TripletTwin_Mom
by Silver Member on Sep. 13, 2013 at 9:47 PM
2 moms liked this
Good stuff...always good stuff... embrace the wisdom mamas... life never goes the way anyone plans... if it did we would all be content with the cats we are dealt... but we aren't in control and like Buns mentioned your life isn't over yet... you are blessed

Quoting Bunsmommy:

Have you ever considered that maybe now is not your time? I understand what your dream is, really I do but maybe right now is not the time for you to do this.

Now before the rah rah squad runs in saying "you can do that when you want, can't nobody tell you that you can't have a baby!" That's not what I'm saying, I'm saying there is a time and season for everything and maybe now is not your time. Even with you have Kennedy right now, you have a lot going on in your life, you have a lot of maturing to do (do I keep saying that to you?) when you have a baby and things go awry you can't go "but I'm only 21" don't nobody give a shit about that then! You can't allow yourself to become angry over the smallest things and fly off the handle, and most importantly you have to conquer those demons that are still controlling you and not allowing you to live your life to the fullest (have I said that before to you too?). After I miscarried and was at my lowest and felt as if I had failed in my duties as a woman and didn't want to go on someone very close to me gave me the mantra I have since uses many a dark day "God is still in heaven!" If you don't believe in God, then take it to mean that this is not your final moment.
Hottmomma607
by Group Mod - Trica on Sep. 13, 2013 at 10:14 PM
8 moms liked this
I am NOT understanding the rush?
What did I say work on yourself! You're still working through your own issues! You two haven't even said "I do" yet! You wanna play mommy so bad that you haven't played grown up yet! Trust us older ladies, take your time! It seems like one thing after another. Aren't you going to school? Finish school, get your degree! Say "I do" enjoy being married before you jump into force pregnancies. Live life, establish yourself.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN