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Wow! Six Ways Single Mothers Can Raise A Sorry Black Man

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:03 AM
  • 9 Replies

Six ways single mothers can raise a sorry Black man

 Filed under COMMENTARIES 

00-drboycewatkinsThese words come from a man who has seen too many Black men grow up to become irresponsible, self-absorbed, excessively entitled, weak men, largely because they were coddled at home.  This does not always happen at the hands of a single mother, but it almost always occurs due to parents who do not understand their role in raising intelligent and responsible human beings.

Let’s be clear:  If you raise your son to be a boy, he’s going to remain a boy.  Typically, strong male role models make it easier to build manhood; mothers cannot usually do it alone.

This is a comedic exaggeration, but perhaps we can think while we laugh. And before we get into the tired diatribe about this being some kind of assault on single Black mothers, understand that if I hate single Black mothers, that means I hate my late grandmother.

My own mother was a 17-year old single mom until she married my second father three years after I was born.  And it was her commitment to raising me with more discipline than my male friends that guided me away from the same gutters, prison cells,  and rehab clinics that many of them occupy to this day.

So, if you want your son to grow up to be a horrible father and husband for somebody else, here are a few things you can do:

1. Never make him accountable.  If he goes to jail, mortgage your house to pay for the attorney.  If he gets fired from his fourth job in a row, of course it’s because he’s Black.  Anything that goes wrong in his life, explain to him why none of it is ever his fault.  Make a long list of excuses for everything he does. If he gets in trouble at school, it’s the teacher’s fault. If he has an angry outburst and attacks someone, it’s because he had too much sugar. Remember: Nothing that he ever does wrong, to anyone, at any time, is ever his fault. Jesus will make him better eventually.

2. Allow him to be lazy. Clean his room for him, wash his clothes, don’t make him do any chores.  Don’t make him work for anything….EVER.  When he’s 32-years old, let him live in your basement and spend the day in his drawz smoking weed and playing Xbox.  He’ll get that record deal eventually.

3. Don’t ever force him to manage his money.  Buy him a lot of really expensive material possessions, like $250 Air Jordans and don’t make him work for any of that money.  If he wrecks the new car you bought him, just buy him another one. Don’t talk to him about saving, investing or being a good provider.  If he wants that 14th tattoo on his neck, go ahead and give it to him.

4. Congratulate him for being a “playa.” Let him treat his girlfriends like garbage without your saying a word.  When he tells you that he got a fourth girl pregnant, just congratulate him and agree to watch the kids while his baby mama is at the club.

When the third baby’s mama asks you about the other girls coming to the house, lie for him so as not to blow his cover.  The world is his oyster, and he has a right to sow his oats without any semblance of responsibility.  Don’t forget to save money to pay his child support for him so he can be free to make more kids without the burden of those gold-digging newborn babies.

5. Don’t make him get an education. If he brings home straight Ds on his report card, just remember that he’s the best player on the basketball team. Go buy him something nice to make him feel better, since those bad grades are going to hurt his self-esteem.

6. Coddle him. He’s your baby after all, even if he is 6’3”, 250 pounds. Never throw him out to the wolves; he won’t make it.  Never force him to stand on his own two feet; he might break a toe nail.  He doesn’t have to be a man for anybody; he’ll always be your baby. If his wife comes around and complains that he’s cheating on her, beating her, or not taking care of his kids, explain to her that he was your man from the very beginning, and he always will be. They should just leave your baby alone.

Overly sensitive single mothers may take this (admittedly exaggerated) article to be an attack on them. Instead, it is a clarion call for mothers to realize the importance of their role in building a nation.

If we build weak men, then we have weak families.  Weak families lead to weak communities and White America has its foot on our collective neck. I argue that Black men should be at the forefront of those fighting to stand strong against oppression, but too many of our men have not been raised to be leaders.

The first teacher
The mother is the first teacher and the most influential person in the life of nearly any child.  If she becomes so fixated on the high of oxytocin that comes from the love of a child, she may fall short in her role of shaping that boy to become the leader of someone else’s household.

Had my mother and grandmother failed to do their jobs and not provided a strong male role model for me (since my biological father had other things to do), I wouldn’t be the man that I am today. Instead, I would still be my mother’s baby.

Most of us know men who fit into this role, and we must realize that manhood must be taught.  A single mother truly believing that she can raise a boy to be a man is as misguided as my thinking that I can teach my daughters the subtleties of womanhood.
It’s time to put an end to the nonsense.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is a professor of finance at Syracuse University. Read his columns and weblog at www.boycewatkins.com.

http://flcourier.com/2014/01/01/six-ways-single-mothers-can-raise-a-sorry-black-man/

I read this article via Facebook this morning. Agree or disagree? Thoughts? I personally think this could apply to any mother whether single, married or of a different race. I can't say he wasn't speaking the truth though.

by on Jan. 3, 2014 at 11:03 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Mommabearbergh
by Gold Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 12:54 PM

I have to say I am in the middle. I am not a single mother but was raised by one. I am college educated,married to the father of my children and I have a stable income. A single women raised me and I personally don't see it any different had I been a boy because I would have turned out the same. My role models besides my mother were people around me and people I thought were great people to follow because they made mistakes I never wanted to. I do think there are single mothers out there who don't have morals and let their son do what they want but then there are married mothers who do the same regardless of race and class. Look at the young man who killed people and they tried to say because he was from a family of wealth he never knew  about restricitions and such. I feel anyone can fail as a parent man or women.It is up to parents to mold their child into good people. It is up to the community to mold children into good people.

LNLMommy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 2:06 PM

 I agree with everything he said! If you take a look at all the sorry men out here-that is really most of their problem-#1 being that they have no sense of personal accountability. It's not their fault they aren't worth a wooden nickel-it's everyone else's fault. That is my number one pet peeve and I tell my kids all the time, own up to what YOU did wrong. Most of the time in situations, both parties played a part in it going bad, what was your role?

navybeauty88
by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 2:46 PM
That's one of my pet peeves too. I can't stand a person who never owns up to things that they do. That's the type of person you will always see going in circles because they can't fix the problem if they keep denying it.

Quoting LNLMommy:

 I agree with everything he said! If you take a look at all the sorry men out here-that is really most of their problem-#1 being that they have no sense of personal accountability. It's not their fault they aren't worth a wooden nickel-it's everyone else's fault. That is my number one pet peeve and I tell my kids all the time, own up to what YOU did wrong. Most of the time in situations, both parties played a part in it going bad, what was your role?

mrsary
by Gold Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 2:49 PM
Interesting to me and I will read it again later!
cheetah90210
by on Jan. 3, 2014 at 10:32 PM
True
diaperstodating
by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2014 at 10:36 PM
I am raising four African American boys.
I agree with this! I think this applies to any mother.
MomRocs1102
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 11:16 AM

true, but this is all mothers, but he could say single mothers because those with a father figure in the house often don't allow the boy to be babied.

JaysMommy_32
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 12:30 PM
I saw this on FB the other day but didn't read it. I just finished reading it and I have to say I agree with it all. While I was reading every example I saw my mother and my brother.

Our father was in our home but he wasn't about shit. And I think that made my mother hold my brother extra close...now he's 28 with 3 kids, he's been home from jail for almost 2 years now and is on his second job in 5 months...and she's still making excuses, still blaming everyone but him and still cleaning up his mess.

I used to feel some kind of way about how she treats him vs me...but as I've grown older I'm thankful that she held me accountable for everything in my life and threw me to the wolves when she did cause I would be sick being an aint shit woman. Can't live like that!
nikabear
by Platinum Member on Jan. 4, 2014 at 12:51 PM
I agree!!! I am raising a son and I refuse to raise as sorry ass man!!!!!
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