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Friends crossing boundaries

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:09 PM
  • 16 Replies

I was talking to a friend last night that has a married male friend. They have been friends for years. They dated, lived together but it just didn't work out. His family loves her. She is now single. He has been married for about 5 years to a woman that she met recently at a repast/funeral. 

She feels that her friend left his mother too soon after the funeral to go shopping which was his wife's request.  My friend stayed with the guys' mother along with other family members to help her sort out paperwork. She was also concerned that his mother has not had enough time to grieve and was being left alone to deal with the loss of her mom. She felt he should have stayed by his mom's side.

She told me that she was going to say something to him about that and I told her not to because as a friend she shouldn't cross that line. Married people talk. The minute he goes back and tells his wife what she said, because married people talk, the wife is going to object to his being friends with her. I tried explaining that to her but she says, "well we are cool that way." My thing is, she just met his wife, don't give her a reason to dislike you all being friends. She may think that you are trouble for her marriage 

What do you think?  Am I wrong?

 

 

by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nisha929
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:21 PM

If it were me, I'd do the same thing she wants to do because imo...being there for his mom is more important than going shopping regardless of who he was going shopping with. I feel he should have told his wife that shopping could wait but again that's just my opinion. I wish my man would suggest we go shopping after my mama just buried her mama.

Goodybag1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe I have some growing up to do because my husband and I don't have female/ male friends.
Smoochmommie
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:23 PM
1 mom liked this
People grieve diff and some folk cant handle depressing things like funerals. I wouldnt say anything and i feel shes out of line.
earthtone
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:25 PM

 

Quoting Nisha929:

If it were me, I'd do the same thing she wants to do because imo...being there for his mom is more important than going shopping regardless of who he was going shopping with. I feel he should have told his wife that shopping could wait but again that's just my opinion. I wish my man would suggest we go shopping after my mama just buried her mama.

 I told her that she was right. That he was wrong, but I don't think she should go to him with that. Especially since it was his wife that wasn't caring enough to give her husband time with his family. Some men do NOT go up against their wives, even if they are wrong.

wearymoon
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:26 PM
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I agree. He can't undo what is done. If she feels compelled to say something then it should be along the lines like "your mom really needs your support right now." Don't even mention the shopping trip.

Nisha929
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:27 PM

I get where you're coming from and it might not go over well because like you said some men won't go against their wives but...ol' boy needs to know that he was wrong. On top of that...if his wife could ask him to leave his mother at a time like that...he might wanna take a look at who he married.   

Quoting earthtone:

 

Quoting Nisha929:

If it were me, I'd do the same thing she wants to do because imo...being there for his mom is more important than going shopping regardless of who he was going shopping with. I feel he should have told his wife that shopping could wait but again that's just my opinion. I wish my man would suggest we go shopping after my mama just buried her mama.

 I told her that she was right. That he was wrong, but I don't think she should go to him with that. Especially since it was his wife that wasn't caring enough to give her husband time with his family. Some men do NOT go up against their wives, even if they are wrong.

 

earthtone
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:33 PM

 

Quoting Smoochmommie: People grieve diff and some folk cant handle depressing things like funerals. I wouldnt say anything and i feel shes out of line.

I agree with you! I have a male friend that is married to a woman that I do not care for but he doesn't know it because I've never talked to him about it nor have I ever been mean to her. He's been married for about 15 years now to that woman. And that's about how long its been since I've not liked her LOL. I know my place as his friend. I respect his marriage. 

 

earthtone
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:35 PM

 Now you know that's a whole new subject. He didn't even introduce the lady to her as his wife!!! Something ain't right LOL. But seriously, she needs to stay out of it.

Quoting Nisha929:

I get where you're coming from and it might not go over well because like you said some men won't go against their wives but...ol' boy needs to know that he was wrong. On top of that...if his wife could ask him to leave his mother at a time like that...he might wanna take a look at who he married.   

Quoting earthtone:

 

Quoting Nisha929:

If it were me, I'd do the same thing she wants to do because imo...being there for his mom is more important than going shopping regardless of who he was going shopping with. I feel he should have told his wife that shopping could wait but again that's just my opinion. I wish my man would suggest we go shopping after my mama just buried her mama.

 I told her that she was right. That he was wrong, but I don't think she should go to him with that. Especially since it was his wife that wasn't caring enough to give her husband time with his family. Some men do NOT go up against their wives, even if they are wrong.

 

 

Nisha929
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:38 PM

Lol that's a shame. If he wasn't married but still left with someone to go shopping, would your advice be the same? 

Quoting earthtone:

 Now you know that's a whole new subject. He didn't even introduce the lady to her as his wife!!! Something ain't right LOL. But seriously, she needs to stay out of it.

Quoting Nisha929:

I get where you're coming from and it might not go over well because like you said some men won't go against their wives but...ol' boy needs to know that he was wrong. On top of that...if his wife could ask him to leave his mother at a time like that...he might wanna take a look at who he married.   

Quoting earthtone:

 

Quoting Nisha929:

If it were me, I'd do the same thing she wants to do because imo...being there for his mom is more important than going shopping regardless of who he was going shopping with. I feel he should have told his wife that shopping could wait but again that's just my opinion. I wish my man would suggest we go shopping after my mama just buried her mama.

 I told her that she was right. That he was wrong, but I don't think she should go to him with that. Especially since it was his wife that wasn't caring enough to give her husband time with his family. Some men do NOT go up against their wives, even if they are wrong.

 

 

 

earthtone
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:44 PM

Now that's a good question....

Knowing me, I wouldn't say anything. But I'm a wimp LOL.

Quoting Nisha929:

Lol that's a shame. If he wasn't married but still left with someone to go shopping, would your advice be the same? 

Quoting earthtone:

 Now you know that's a whole new subject. He didn't even introduce the lady to her as his wife!!! Something ain't right LOL. But seriously, she needs to stay out of it.

Quoting Nisha929:

I get where you're coming from and it might not go over well because like you said some men won't go against their wives but...ol' boy needs to know that he was wrong. On top of that...if his wife could ask him to leave his mother at a time like that...he might wanna take a look at who he married.   

Quoting earthtone:

 

Quoting Nisha929:

If it were me, I'd do the same thing she wants to do because imo...being there for his mom is more important than going shopping regardless of who he was going shopping with. I feel he should have told his wife that shopping could wait but again that's just my opinion. I wish my man would suggest we go shopping after my mama just buried her mama.

 I told her that she was right. That he was wrong, but I don't think she should go to him with that. Especially since it was his wife that wasn't caring enough to give her husband time with his family. Some men do NOT go up against their wives, even if they are wrong.

 

 

 

 

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