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This Bothers Me (Kind of long)

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:33 PM
  • 41 Replies

Once upon a time, my Aunt V wanted to marry my Uncle F (early college years) but my grandparents said, "Finish college first, then you can do what ever you want."  My aunt got herself pregnant because she knew that her parents would make her marry my uncle. My aunt was 5 months along on her wedding day.

She and my uncle had marriage issues and especially after their oldest two kids were born.  My grandmother (aunt's mom) would go to the state they were living in and get both the kids so that my aunt and uncle could work through whatever was going on.  Once they stopped fighting, my grandmother would take the kids back to their parents.  My grandmother was all up in their marriage trying to tell my aunt what to do all the time...she is bossy like that. Finally, my aunt and uncle divorced and Aunt V brought her two kids to live with my grand parents.  Aunt V dated all kinds of wrong men.  One of them even beat her.  This particular guy used to be a friend of my uncle's as well.

As luck would have it, my aunt and uncle "grew up" and got back together and then had two more kids even though they have not re-married.  They both had great jobs, made lots of money and with my grandmother's $13k, they put down a deposit on building a huge house.  They even put a "Mother-in-law suite" in for my grandmother who had just lost my grandfather. 

Off and on over the years, my grandmother and my aunt have had a "love/hate" relationship.  My grandmother married too early herself at age 16 (1943). Her husband left her and she met and married my aunt's birth father even though she was not divorced from her first husband. She could not find him to divorce him (1950s). My grandmother's second husband was dying of cancer and tried to get things set up for their future but found out that he was not legally married to my grandmother.  He was very angry and set things up so that my aunts (Aunt V and sister S) would get their money when they both were older than 25. Aunt V was mad that she could not have her money when she really needed it as a sahm early in her marriage.  My grandmother insisted that when both her daughters received their money, they needed to buy jewelry to make their money last. When my grandmother married my mom's dad, she STILL wasn't divorced from her first husband (1963). They had to declare him dead first and then get married again after the first ceremony. My grandfather had the patience of a saint!

My grandmother is now 90 years old. My aunt and uncle go off and leave her to take cruises and trips. They have their oldest daughter N go and "check on her". The other day, they left her to go to an out of town funeral. Every time my grandmother gets left by herself, she falls and breaks a bone.  She fell and broke her hip. N found her on the floor unrespopnsive. They thought she wasn't going to make it because they have to operate on her to fix it but she has an arrhythmia and this complicates the surgery.  She was refusing to eat. My sister C whom my grandmother practically raised until C went to school (my mom worked full time), arrived yesterday and our grandmother perked right up! The surgery is going on and I am waiting to hear how it went. 

All this is to say that I think my aunt and uncle want her to "accidently" fall and kill herself so they can be rid of her.  My mother agrees with me,

Yes, my grandmother is bossy and VERY stubborn, but...

by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dawnrothbaum
by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:40 PM
2 moms liked this
They need to live their lives. They can't stay home all the time. It sounds like there are plenty of people in your family to go help her. Take turns.
ksbondgirl
by Bond's Girl on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:58 PM
I agree. But if it were me, I'd have her in a home where she could be watched over better.

Aunt S is another story altogether!


Quoting dawnrothbaum: They need to live their lives. They can't stay home all the time. It sounds like there are plenty of people in your family to go help her. Take turns.
nikabear
by Mrs.Bellamy on Jun. 20, 2017 at 4:22 AM
3 moms liked this
It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???
ksbondgirl
by Bond's Girl on Jun. 20, 2017 at 10:36 AM

I get that they should have their freedom too but they should have made sure to have someone there with her all the time or be able to get respite care for her.  I forgot to mention that the doctors told my aunt and uncle two years ago that she could never be left on her own anymore, due to small strokes she was having. She also uses a "walker". My grandmother is not the kind of person whereas you can tell her she can't have or do something. She is very stubborn. They just call someone to check on her and leave her alon in a huge 6 bedroom house.

Quoting nikabear: It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???


nikabear
by Mrs.Bellamy on Jun. 20, 2017 at 11:05 AM
1 mom liked this
So there is no one else in the family that can look in on her while their gone??? What about you???

Quoting ksbondgirl:

I get that they should have their freedom too but they should have made sure to have someone there with her all the time or be able to get respite care for her.  I forgot to mention that the doctors told my aunt and uncle two years ago that she could never be left on her own anymore, due to small strokes she was having. She also uses a "walker". My grandmother is not the kind of person whereas you can tell her she can't have or do something. She is very stubborn. They just call someone to check on her and leave her alon in a huge 6 bedroom house.

Quoting nikabear: It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???

nikabear
by Mrs.Bellamy on Jun. 20, 2017 at 11:06 AM
So there is no one else in the family that can look in on her while their gone??? What about you???

Quoting ksbondgirl:

I get that they should have their freedom too but they should have made sure to have someone there with her all the time or be able to get respite care for her.  I forgot to mention that the doctors told my aunt and uncle two years ago that she could never be left on her own anymore, due to small strokes she was having. She also uses a "walker". My grandmother is not the kind of person whereas you can tell her she can't have or do something. She is very stubborn. They just call someone to check on her and leave her alon in a huge 6 bedroom house.

Quoting nikabear: It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???

ksbondgirl
by Bond's Girl on Jun. 20, 2017 at 11:26 AM

She is in Texas. I am in Michigan. I don't have enough time off and can't afford to fly with dh unemployed anyway. I would have to use vacation time or take medical leave and you can't get medical leave for a just couple of days. My younger sister is there but can only be there for so long because she has two kids (9 year old and 16 month old.) Not sure if she has enough time to take off either. My other aunt S is in Houston but won't lift a finger for her own mother--so dysfunctional. All her grands who live in the Dallas area work. My mother is 86 and couldn't handle this either.

Quoting nikabear: So there is no one else in the family that can look in on her while their gone??? What about you???
Quoting ksbondgirl:

I get that they should have their freedom too but they should have made sure to have someone there with her all the time or be able to get respite care for her.  I forgot to mention that the doctors told my aunt and uncle two years ago that she could never be left on her own anymore, due to small strokes she was having. She also uses a "walker". My grandmother is not the kind of person whereas you can tell her she can't have or do something. She is very stubborn. They just call someone to check on her and leave her alon in a huge 6 bedroom house.

Quoting nikabear: It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???


nikabear
by Mrs.Bellamy on Jun. 20, 2017 at 11:44 AM
2 moms liked this
So everyone has an excuse so it basically falls on your aunt and uncle???? Sounds like they are doing the best that they can and they deserve a break as well. Sounds like no one has any room to talk or express their opinions because they aren't helping at all........

Quoting ksbondgirl:

She is in Texas. I am in Michigan. I don't have enough time off and can't afford to fly with dh unemployed anyway. I would have to use vacation time or take medical leave and you can't get medical leave for a just couple of days. My younger sister is there but can only be there for so long because she has two kids (9 year old and 16 month old.) Not sure if she has enough time to take off either. My other aunt S is in Houston but won't lift a finger for her own mother--so dysfunctional. All her grands who live in the Dallas area work. My mother is 86 and couldn't handle this either.

Quoting nikabear: So there is no one else in the family that can look in on her while their gone??? What about you???

Quoting ksbondgirl:

I get that they should have their freedom too but they should have made sure to have someone there with her all the time or be able to get respite care for her.  I forgot to mention that the doctors told my aunt and uncle two years ago that she could never be left on her own anymore, due to small strokes she was having. She also uses a "walker". My grandmother is not the kind of person whereas you can tell her she can't have or do something. She is very stubborn. They just call someone to check on her and leave her alon in a huge 6 bedroom house.

Quoting nikabear: It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???

ksbondgirl
by Bond's Girl on Jun. 20, 2017 at 11:55 AM

I would go down in a heartbeat but it will be unpaid days off work and with dh out of work, it's too tight. Aunt V is spoiled. My grandmother gave her whatever she wanted. Even though my grandmother lives with her and uncle F, they could get respite care for her but they don't. They have plenty of money to do it too. They go on cruises ALL THE TIME!! They just have someone "peek" in on my grandmother.  I don't understand why her three grands who live in the Dallas area don't take shifts? N seems to be the only one who "peeks" in on her, C has his business, but F does nothing. My sis is in Kansas.

I know it's harsh but I think my aunt wants her to die.

Quoting nikabear: So everyone has an excuse so it basically falls on your aunt and uncle???? Sounds like they are doing the best that they can and they deserve a break as well. Sounds like no one has any room to talk or express their opinions because they aren't helping at all........
Quoting ksbondgirl:

She is in Texas. I am in Michigan. I don't have enough time off and can't afford to fly with dh unemployed anyway. I would have to use vacation time or take medical leave and you can't get medical leave for a just couple of days. My younger sister is there but can only be there for so long because she has two kids (9 year old and 16 month old.) Not sure if she has enough time to take off either. My other aunt S is in Houston but won't lift a finger for her own mother--so dysfunctional. All her grands who live in the Dallas area work. My mother is 86 and couldn't handle this either.

Quoting nikabear: So there is no one else in the family that can look in on her while their gone??? What about you???
Quoting ksbondgirl:

I get that they should have their freedom too but they should have made sure to have someone there with her all the time or be able to get respite care for her.  I forgot to mention that the doctors told my aunt and uncle two years ago that she could never be left on her own anymore, due to small strokes she was having. She also uses a "walker". My grandmother is not the kind of person whereas you can tell her she can't have or do something. She is very stubborn. They just call someone to check on her and leave her alon in a huge 6 bedroom house.

Quoting nikabear: It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???


nikabear
by Mrs.Bellamy on Jun. 20, 2017 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm not understanding what your aunt being spoiled has anything to do with this? She is the one that is taking care of your grandmother while no one in your family is lifting a finger.......it sounds like the family wants her to die because none of y'all are helping.......

Quoting ksbondgirl:

I would go down in a heartbeat but it will be unpaid days off work and with dh out of work, it's too tight. Aunt V is spoiled. My grandmother gave her whatever she wanted. Even though my grandmother lives with her and uncle F, they could get respite care for her but they don't. They have plenty of money to do it too. They go on cruises ALL THE TIME!! They just have someone "peek" in on my grandmother.  I don't understand why her three grands who live in the Dallas area don't take shifts? N seems to be the only one who "peeks" in on her, C has his business, but F does nothing. My sis is in Kansas.

I know it's harsh but I think my aunt wants her to die.

Quoting nikabear: So everyone has an excuse so it basically falls on your aunt and uncle???? Sounds like they are doing the best that they can and they deserve a break as well. Sounds like no one has any room to talk or express their opinions because they aren't helping at all........

Quoting ksbondgirl:

She is in Texas. I am in Michigan. I don't have enough time off and can't afford to fly with dh unemployed anyway. I would have to use vacation time or take medical leave and you can't get medical leave for a just couple of days. My younger sister is there but can only be there for so long because she has two kids (9 year old and 16 month old.) Not sure if she has enough time to take off either. My other aunt S is in Houston but won't lift a finger for her own mother--so dysfunctional. All her grands who live in the Dallas area work. My mother is 86 and couldn't handle this either.

Quoting nikabear: So there is no one else in the family that can look in on her while their gone??? What about you???

Quoting ksbondgirl:

I get that they should have their freedom too but they should have made sure to have someone there with her all the time or be able to get respite care for her.  I forgot to mention that the doctors told my aunt and uncle two years ago that she could never be left on her own anymore, due to small strokes she was having. She also uses a "walker". My grandmother is not the kind of person whereas you can tell her she can't have or do something. She is very stubborn. They just call someone to check on her and leave her alon in a huge 6 bedroom house.

Quoting nikabear: It's really sad that you would think that your aunt and uncle want something to happen to your grandma.....they can't leave be their life bed? Aren't their others in the family that can keep an eye on her while their gone???? Should everything fall on your aunt and uncle???

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