upset about not being able to breastfeed

[lilbug09]

i breastfeed for two months and didnt have the support i thought i was going to have from family members because they also breastfed their babies., so naturally i thought they would support it, my mother, gave my baby bottles behind my back when i told her not to, i felt so disrespected as a new mother..my baby is now 4 months old.

anyways before my milk supply (didnt have much of a supply it took 2 hours to pump 2 oz) i visited my babies dr. which set up an appt with a lactation consultant..which didnt help any at all, they just forced my babies head on to my breast and i couldnt take it i had to stop them, just like they did at the hospital, also my aunt who is big on breastfeeding gave me the advice dont give her anything intell she takes to the breast ( which was not an option) i would have felt terrible doing that.

now people tell me its my fault that i didnt get to breastfed because i wouldnt do those things when i didnt have that much milk no matter how much i tried. i tryed for 2 long months but my baby wasnt gaining so i had to put her on formula..my milk supply never went up even when i was pumping, it dwindled slowly intell it was gone..i feel like i didnt give my best, but my grandmother had the same problem with all her babies..could i have gotten this from her, does it work like that? and will it be the same the second time around. this just upset me very much!

[jeng1980]

(((HUGS))) Don't beat yourself up!  You did a great job.  You can actually relactate.  Your aunt was right about nursing her only.  Pumping is no indicator of how much breastmilk you  have because if you think about it....if you were nursing AND pumping then you have no idea of how much milk you were making.  You really have to just trust your body to produce for your baby.  Breastmilk is supply on demand.  Nursling nurses from you and your body produces milk.  The less your nursling nurses, the less milk you make.  You can still put her to the breast and I'm sure you still have.  It is very uncommon for you not to have milk this early.  Don't pay any attention to how your grandmother was because most likely she was uneducated or told the wrong thing about her supply.  My granny has told me her milk was not "strong enough" for my uncle but yet she nursed my dad.  There is no way that your milk can't be strong enough for your baby or that you don't have enough if you are nursing on demand like you are supposed to.  It is not your fault.  If you really want to still nurse, put that baby to breast and nurse him/her.  Don't let anyone tell you that you can't nurse.  That's what women's bodies are made to do....have babies and feed them for exclusively for the first year.  There is so much misinformation out there on milk production that it is so pathetic.   Don't buy into it.  Just trust your body to make enough milk for your baby.

[MamaCeleste0722]

Don't beat yourself up! You did the best you could given your circumstances at that time.

As far as having problems breastfeeding and your grandmother, IMO, I don't think it's related at all. I think the next time around, I'd educate yourself as much as you can-Read as much as you can, find an IBCLC (board certified LC), line up support.

A few things to remember the next time:

-A pump isn't an indicator of supply. Babies are much more efficient than a pump

-There are ways to get baby to latch back on. One of my twins had nipple confusion due to the introduction of a bottle. With lots of work, I was able to get him to latch on

-The best way to know if baby is getting enough is by wet diapers-6-8 wet diapers, baby's getting enough.

-The best way to increase supply is to nurse more. The more you nurse, the more you'll make

-A great resource that I went to for my breastfeeding problems is kellymom.com

[gdiamante]

Quoting lilbug09:

i breastfeed for two months and didnt have the support i thought i was going to have from family members because they also breastfed their babies., so naturally i thought they would support it, my mother, gave my baby bottles behind my back when i told her not to, i felt so disrespected as a new mother..my baby is now 4 months old.

Here's something to think about...if we waited for family support, a loot of things would NEVER get done. Michelangelo spent most of his life with NO support from his family. His father always complained, his brother told him he was going to Hell!  That didn't prevent him from becoming the greatest painter, sculptor and architect of the Renaissance.

There is only ever ONE person who's support you MUST have...that of the woman in your mirror. Forget EVERYONE else....because success is then your reward.

That's your philosophy lesson for the morning. **smile**

anyways before my milk supply (didnt have much of a supply it took 2 hours to pump 2 oz)

Pump output means nothing.

i visited my babies dr. which set up an appt with a lactation consultant..which didnt help any at all, they just forced my babies head on to my breast and i couldnt take it i had to stop them, just like they did at the hospital, also my aunt who is big on breastfeeding gave me the advice dont give her anything intell she takes to the breast ( which was not an option) i would have felt terrible doing that.

Yeah, I know...but auntie was actually correct. That's just what you needed to do.

Most of your job as mom is to be horrifically mean to your kids. At least, THEY will see it that way!

now people tell me its my fault that i didnt get to breastfed because i wouldnt do those things when i didnt have that much milk no matter how much i tried.

I vaguely remember some previous posts from you. Here's the million dollar question...how many dipes were you changing? Because that is ALL that matters.

i tryed for 2 long months but my baby wasnt gaining

At all or not as much as you thought she should? There's a HUGE difference. Normal gain is four ounces a week!

so i had to put her on formula..my milk supply never went up even when i was pumping,

Pumping WON'T help supply unless you have baby on the breast just as often. And again...pump output means NOTHING.

it dwindled slowly intell it was gone..i feel like i didnt give my best, but my grandmother had the same problem with all her babies..could i have gotten this from her, does it work like that? and will it be the same the second time around. this just upset me very much!

I think the problem is you were looking for all the wrong things. It's not too late NOW! Unless you've had your breasts cut off. You CAN get this baby on the breast...but you need to accerpt that the newborn experience is NOT that soft-focus Gerber ad. It's more like an episode of Roseanne!

Google relactation. Understand that baby is going to be pissed off at you aq lot...that's OK. They're SUPPOSED to be. (I suspect Oedipus' mom wasn't mean enough and that's really why he killed his dad and married her. And now you've had your literature lesson for the day too!)

Understand this too...if baby got ONE DROP of breastmilk you're a success and you DID breastfeed.

You can go longer next time if you remember that hyou have to be more stubborn and that baby will be a pain in the butt.

Go get a copy of "So That's What They're For" by Janet Tamaro and read it through. It will give hyou the straight scoop on how breastfeeding works.

[hopinforanother]

Although she comes across harsh at times, I must say that I agree with gdiamante.

Like you, I didn't have family support. Nobody had faith in my ability to breastfeed. My husband flat out told me not to do it!

I pumped and supplemented with formula. By the time she was 9 weeks, I stopped pumping and she was completely on formula.

I didn't know about lactation consultants. Well, I knew they existed but I didn't know they were so amazing! I thought I was a lost cause.

I came across the term relactation and attempted it when my daughter was 14 weeks old. After 2 really hard weeks, I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant. I was losing lots of weight and WIC suggested that I discontinue breastfeeding.

After I had my second, I realized that you just have to wait until they open their mouth and pop them on (latching was the hardest part for my first baby). I learned that it was better to stay at home and keep visitors at a minimum for the early months so that I could comfortably nurse with my boob out! I learned that lactation consultants are awesome.

Now I'm breastfeeding my 3 month old son. Although I was successful with Tylar for 12 months, I've still had to learn things with Carter. They have a different style and Carter was more difficult to teach because he hardly opens his mouth.

If you have a lot of determination, you can still nurse. If you don't want to, you can just gain lots of information and online support for the next baby.