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OT - The No Cry Sleep Solution

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 11:29 PM
  • 13 Replies

Has anyone tried it with any success?  My husband and I are half desperate.

For several weeks now, DD's (7mo. old) pattern has been:  nursed to sleep by about 8pm or so, awake between midnight and 2am to nurse, then again around 6 or 7am.  So far, so good, right?  The problem is that at the midnight feeding, she's falling back asleep on the breast and wakes up bright-eyed the minute I try to move her back into her crib.  She's then awake for a couple hours.  This is happening most nights.

She'll sleep next to me in bed for naps, but cosleeping at night really isn't an option for us.  For a number of reasons, I don't feel it's the safest choice for us.  I don't like the idea of CIO at all, so that doesn't leave us with many options.  

Please tell me you've had some luck with this.  Helpful hints are welcome!   


by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 11:29 PM
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GiggleBelly
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:05 AM

This happened to me with the naps- he used to nurse to sleep at nap but then would wake the second he stopped nursing ready to be awake for another hour or two. It was because he would get just enough sleep during the 'fall asleep' while nursing to give him more energy. So i stopped letting him fall asleep- nursing only until he was really tired but willing to let go. Then i would put him in his crib with a blankie and he would cry for about 6-8 minutes (no tears) but then go to sleep. After a week or two he doesnt cry at all for nap.

(he has never been nursed to sleep at night - always laid down with swaddle newborn-5/6 months, no swaddle after but still a nightlight, sound machine and door closed)

if they arent screaming bloody murder (with tears) for more than 4-5 minutes then its just tired crying. your baby might be ready to learn to go to sleep without the nursing.

you should still nurse before but use it as a routine.

 bath, lotion/massage, pjs, book, nurse, bed tired but awake.

do the same every night and sleep will be the next logical step in the mind.

 

Edit: also! i forgot! this worked really well! when i would lay him down the first couple of weeks, i would lay on the floor in his bedroom and face the wall without talking or moving and he would stand in his crib looking at me. after about 10-15 mins (only whined for about 3 mins) he was asleep! i did this everytime for about 2-3 weeks until he would sit in his crib talking and NOT going to sleep. thats when i realized he was comfortable with going to sleep on his own and my presence was only keeping him awake. this worked REALLY well with the separation anxiety- not to MENTION that i didnt have to stress that he would wake when i put him down and i would be further stressed!

try it- it may work and its not like CIO where you have to leave them in the room without you- they still have you there and youre still in the room and can feel comforted knowing that you arent neglecting your baby and that he is safe and in the same room!

 

katiemomNY
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:55 AM

Unfortunately, I'm totally guilty of nursing her to sleep for both naps and when she goes down at night.  On the nights that I work until after her bedtime, my husband carries her around in the carseat and she uses a pacifier.  So yeah, we've totally created our own problem in that regard.  She has absolutely not learned how to comfort herself at all.  On the two occasions where we've tried putting her down drowsy, she's escalated to full-on crying within two minutes.

Thanks for the tips! 

lifetimelove
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:03 AM

Do you wait until she's totally limp before you lay her down? 

With my daughter, when I lay her down, I keep my body very close to her, and then slowly ease away.  If she's not totally asleep (aka, limp arm that drops like lead when you lift it up) then she might wake back up, so I nurse her back down.  I also have a weighted blanket that I cover her with while I'm close to her, that helps keep her to sleep. 

Honestly, you could try finding other ways to get her to sleep rather than nursing.  Nurse, and then just rock her until she's asleep.  Or have daddy rock her.  I'm not a believer in baby self-soothing, I think that for at least the first year, they NEED help being soothed back to sleep.  However, that doesn't mean that nursing is the only way to do it.  Just change up the bedtime order so nursing isn't the last thing before bedtime (or nap).

I know that the no-cry sleep solution is very successful, but it requires a good bit of committment.  I'm not able to do it with my daughter because of medical and developmental problems, but I'm certainly planning on doing so with any future children, and I wish I had used the principles in it with my son early on (instead we resorted to CIO when he was one, I was pregnant and DH was deploying while we were in the middle of the road.  Not something I'm happy about, but he was one and I really didn't see another solution at the time). 

Have a child with special needs?  Don't have a diagnosis?  Come join other moms of special needs children without a diagnosis at my group:


www.cafemom.com/group/undiagnosed


 


GiggleBelly
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:19 AM


Quoting katiemomNY:

Unfortunately, I'm totally guilty of nursing her to sleep for both naps and when she goes down at night.  On the nights that I work until after her bedtime, my husband carries her around in the carseat and she uses a pacifier.  So yeah, we've totally created our own problem in that regard.  She has absolutely not learned how to comfort herself at all.  On the two occasions where we've tried putting her down drowsy, she's escalated to full-on crying within two minutes.

Thanks for the tips! 

Well shes going to cry as she has no idea why youre putting her in her bed and not nursing her to sleep. You have to show her a new way to sleep as your old way ISNT working anymore and shes learned that if she fights the nursing drowsiness, then she can play for awhile!

Youve got to do something different as your husband cant put her in a carseat until shes 9 and it seems youre desperate.

Really i would try doing the bedtime routine, and laying her in her crib (saying nothing) and lay on the floor of the room for a few minutes to see what she does. She WILL cry if you leave the room and you WILL feel depressed and feel as though you are neglecting her so just try laying there and being silent for at least 3-4 minutes. If her screaming becomes out of control, nurse her some more and try again. If its a midnight feeding try nursing her (no talking, no lights) and do the same thing. That way its something hubby can do while youre at work that is low-stress on both of you. It cant hurt to try!

SweetpeaAK
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:46 AM

You poor thing :( I feel you on this! My dd was a very poor sleeper from birth. She was nursed or walked to sleep (this sometimes taking hours) and then we would face the constant fear that if we did anything louder than breathing, she would wake back up and we would have to do it all over again. I didn't know at the time that it wasn't normal to have to nurse a newborn every 30 minutes (even at night). Her sleep increments gradually increased, but only slightly. Up until 13 months old she would wake up every 2 or 3 hours, sometimes 2 or 3 times in ONE hour, and expect to be nursed back to sleep. I was trying to practice attatchment parenting and couldn't stand the thought of letting her cry it out, convinced that she would think that I could no longer be depended on to answer her cries (aka- needs). But I was becoming an angry mom. I'd wake up and be so upset with her. And then I'd be so stressed that I sometimes wouldn't be able to fall back asleep before she woke up yet again!

We tried much, including the No Cry Sleep Solution. When I read about it, it seemed like an answer to my prayers! The author seemed to know exactly what I was feeling and seemed to offer a solution! Unfortunately, it DOES take a considerable amount of time, and I didn't have the patience by then to be consistent for that amount of time. I just needed sleep. However I could get it!

We ended up letting our dd CIO at 13 months old. We had just found out that baby #2 was on the way, and I couldn't continue with things as they were. It was difficult. But the worst of it was truly over within a few days.

My advice to you: No one LIKES to make their sweet baby CIO. It feels un-natural and wrong. One certainly questions what they are doing and wonders what they are subjecting their little one to.

So, do try a gentler solution! But try it BEFORE you run out of steam! Because your ability to carry out these more drawn out sleep solutions will only diminish as you grow more and more frustrated and tired of the situation.

If you're already at that point, please don't guilt yourself. Listen to what these other ladies are saying. Introduce a "new" bedtime habit to your baby. He may not like it at first, and that may cause some tears, but it will only be the first of many times during your child's life that you will have to teach them new habits, not because their old ones are "bad", but because they aren't working for you're family at that time. I like the idea of being in the room with them while they learn to put themselves to sleep. You aren't abandoning or ignoring them, just teaching them that it is bedtime and time to go to sleep. Sucking (whether on a pacifier or on the breast) IS a natural way of self-soothing, but as this new bedtime routine becomes habit, the need for that comfort will diminish and baby will take comfort in this new routine.

BOTH of you will benefit from a well-rested mommy.

I know this is long, and I didn't really say everything just the way I wanted to say it. But I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and wish you the best of luck!

SweetpeaAK
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 1:51 AM

I wanted to clarify that while I did borrow and read through part of the book, I never actually put it to practice. We had just reached that desperate point where we needed sleep RIGHT THEN. We had let it go on too long and not gotten the book until it was already too much of a problem and we simply did not have the will-power to go on another month + that it could have taken following the principles of that book.

lifetimelove
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 2:05 AM

You have described EXACTLY what I went through with my son.  =)

 

Quoting SweetpeaAK:

You poor thing :( I feel you on this! My dd was a very poor sleeper from birth. She was nursed or walked to sleep (this sometimes taking hours) and then we would face the constant fear that if we did anything louder than breathing, she would wake back up and we would have to do it all over again. I didn't know at the time that it wasn't normal to have to nurse a newborn every 30 minutes (even at night). Her sleep increments gradually increased, but only slightly. Up until 13 months old she would wake up every 2 or 3 hours, sometimes 2 or 3 times in ONE hour, and expect to be nursed back to sleep. I was trying to practice attatchment parenting and couldn't stand the thought of letting her cry it out, convinced that she would think that I could no longer be depended on to answer her cries (aka- needs). But I was becoming an angry mom. I'd wake up and be so upset with her. And then I'd be so stressed that I sometimes wouldn't be able to fall back asleep before she woke up yet again!

We tried much, including the No Cry Sleep Solution. When I read about it, it seemed like an answer to my prayers! The author seemed to know exactly what I was feeling and seemed to offer a solution! Unfortunately, it DOES take a considerable amount of time, and I didn't have the patience by then to be consistent for that amount of time. I just needed sleep. However I could get it!

We ended up letting our dd CIO at 13 months old. We had just found out that baby #2 was on the way, and I couldn't continue with things as they were. It was difficult. But the worst of it was truly over within a few days.

My advice to you: No one LIKES to make their sweet baby CIO. It feels un-natural and wrong. One certainly questions what they are doing and wonders what they are subjecting their little one to.

So, do try a gentler solution! But try it BEFORE you run out of steam! Because your ability to carry out these more drawn out sleep solutions will only diminish as you grow more and more frustrated and tired of the situation.

If you're already at that point, please don't guilt yourself. Listen to what these other ladies are saying. Introduce a "new" bedtime habit to your baby. He may not like it at first, and that may cause some tears, but it will only be the first of many times during your child's life that you will have to teach them new habits, not because their old ones are "bad", but because they aren't working for you're family at that time. I like the idea of being in the room with them while they learn to put themselves to sleep. You aren't abandoning or ignoring them, just teaching them that it is bedtime and time to go to sleep. Sucking (whether on a pacifier or on the breast) IS a natural way of self-soothing, but as this new bedtime routine becomes habit, the need for that comfort will diminish and baby will take comfort in this new routine.

BOTH of you will benefit from a well-rested mommy.

I know this is long, and I didn't really say everything just the way I wanted to say it. But I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and wish you the best of luck!


Have a child with special needs?  Don't have a diagnosis?  Come join other moms of special needs children without a diagnosis at my group:


www.cafemom.com/group/undiagnosed


 


SweetpeaAK
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 5:19 AM

*sigh* You can bet I'll be taking preventive measures with this next one (due late March).  I am hoping that it will be a better "first year" for my husband and I than with our first child.

Quoting lifetimelove:

You have described EXACTLY what I went through with my son.  =)

 

Quoting SweetpeaAK:

You poor thing :( I feel you on this! My dd was a very poor sleeper from birth. She was nursed or walked to sleep (this sometimes taking hours) and then we would face the constant fear that if we did anything louder than breathing, she would wake back up and we would have to do it all over again. I didn't know at the time that it wasn't normal to have to nurse a newborn every 30 minutes (even at night). Her sleep increments gradually increased, but only slightly. Up until 13 months old she would wake up every 2 or 3 hours, sometimes 2 or 3 times in ONE hour, and expect to be nursed back to sleep. I was trying to practice attatchment parenting and couldn't stand the thought of letting her cry it out, convinced that she would think that I could no longer be depended on to answer her cries (aka- needs). But I was becoming an angry mom. I'd wake up and be so upset with her. And then I'd be so stressed that I sometimes wouldn't be able to fall back asleep before she woke up yet again!

We tried much, including the No Cry Sleep Solution. When I read about it, it seemed like an answer to my prayers! The author seemed to know exactly what I was feeling and seemed to offer a solution! Unfortunately, it DOES take a considerable amount of time, and I didn't have the patience by then to be consistent for that amount of time. I just needed sleep. However I could get it!

We ended up letting our dd CIO at 13 months old. We had just found out that baby #2 was on the way, and I couldn't continue with things as they were. It was difficult. But the worst of it was truly over within a few days.

My advice to you: No one LIKES to make their sweet baby CIO. It feels un-natural and wrong. One certainly questions what they are doing and wonders what they are subjecting their little one to.

So, do try a gentler solution! But try it BEFORE you run out of steam! Because your ability to carry out these more drawn out sleep solutions will only diminish as you grow more and more frustrated and tired of the situation.

If you're already at that point, please don't guilt yourself. Listen to what these other ladies are saying. Introduce a "new" bedtime habit to your baby. He may not like it at first, and that may cause some tears, but it will only be the first of many times during your child's life that you will have to teach them new habits, not because their old ones are "bad", but because they aren't working for you're family at that time. I like the idea of being in the room with them while they learn to put themselves to sleep. You aren't abandoning or ignoring them, just teaching them that it is bedtime and time to go to sleep. Sucking (whether on a pacifier or on the breast) IS a natural way of self-soothing, but as this new bedtime routine becomes habit, the need for that comfort will diminish and baby will take comfort in this new routine.

BOTH of you will benefit from a well-rested mommy.

I know this is long, and I didn't really say everything just the way I wanted to say it. But I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and wish you the best of luck!



CuriousNGL
by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 10:09 AM

We have had a similar problem wth my 7 month old only he wakes up 4-5 times between when 7pm (bedtime) and 11pm, then wakes every 2-4 hours after that. I've read the No-Cry Sleep Solution, and as others have said, it requires a lot of commitment. Also, my husband and I are already doing 90% of the things in the book without success (bedtime routine, white noise maker, following baby's cues to sleepiness and putting him down immediately, encouraging 2 naps/day, "tanking" him up on breastmilk before bed, super absorbent diaper, etc...)

Obviously, we are anti-CIO, but being desperate, we've started a 1/2 and 1/2 routine. I nurse Avery to sleep or, to sleepiness, and put him in his crib. If he wakes up, we let him cry for 6-8 minutes, then go in and soothe him by rocking, pacifier or nursing. By this time, if he was resisting sleep, he's usually pretty sleeping and falls asleep in our arms. We can then place him in his crib. If he wakes again, we attend to him quickly and he falls asleep again (or we repeat the 6-8 min crying).

My mindset on CIO has changed a little bit. I don't think we're performing CIO in the traditional way. We don't just dump him in his crib for the night. My "instinctive" parent says "We've nursed him, changed him, rocked him, sang to him, read him stories, and showed him we love him all day. Now it's time for sleep. Being human is to sometimes do things you don't want to and to be a little unhappy about it."

Plus, parents are finite human beings too. We have our limits and when you're becoming resentful and angry toward your child, it's time for a bit of separation, even if it involves some crying. And often, even in extreme cases, you get your energy back within 10-15 minutes and can go try to soothe again.

Hope that helps!! Remember we're all in the same boat...or rather, on the same cruise ship (make that fleet!) of parents experiencing this!

  Open-minded, breastfeeding, instinctive parenting, homebirthing, cloth diapering, babywearing, delayed vaccinating part-time RN, full-time "go-with-the-flow" mama to Avery (7 months) and wife to Michael.

gdiamante
by Gina on Jan. 4, 2010 at 10:43 AM
Quoting katiemomNY:

Unfortunately, I'm totally guilty of nursing her to sleep for both naps and when she goes down at night.  

 

NO GUILT here. You're doing what they're PROGRAMMED for. They are not PROGRAMMED to sleep much better than this for year one...it's a survival mechanism. (Parenthood isn't for anyone who truly needs sleep!" **grin**)

I found "No Cry Sleep Solution" a few years too late. BUT we've had literally hundreds of moms come through here and have it work fine. It DOES NTO work overnight...nothing does. Expect to be living with this a couple more months. Drop ANYTHING not strictly needed for survival to give yourself downtime.

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