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New to BFing and Scared!

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:03 AM
  • 4 Replies

I posted this in Newcomers but I'm not really getting any advice...

I didn't breast feed DD. I thought about it, but being young (and somewhat stupid) I decided not to. That and when she was born we both had severe anemia, so I would have had to pump from the beginning, as she needed the iron supplements right away. I figured if she's going to eat from a bottle anyways, might as well give her formula.

That said, I think I want to BF this baby. But I'm terrified. I'm scared it will hurt, I'm scared it will mess up my boobs (my moms are permanently lopsided from BFing my lil sis), I'm scared baby won't latch, I'm scared I won't be good at it...And after all that, I'm discouraged. I know I have a ton of time to really decide...and I know the benefits FAR outnumber the discomforts...

And my DH isn't being very helpful. He doesn' want me to breast feed. He says it's ok, if I chose to, but he would prefer that I didn't. His reasoning is that DD is one of the healthiest children we know, one of the biggest, and very smart...so obviously she is thriving without BFing...and that if I BF he won't be able to feed her and get that Daddy bonding and he will miss that. He actually WANTS to get up in the middle of the night to feed the new baby.

It just makes the decision that much harder.


I'm just scared. I've tried talking to a lactation consultant (a few, actually) and I just felt more confused and scared afterwards. They made me feel like I didn't take care of DD properly because I FFed her, and they made me feel like my body isn't really MY body, it's the baby's body...Which is NOT want I wanted to hear...

Does anyone have any advice?




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by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:03 AM
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Replies (1-4):
xtwistedxlovex
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:19 AM

There are plenty of ways a man can bond with his child - formula does not have to be one of them. You can pump so that he can get up and feed the baby a bottle of breastmilk. He can wear the baby in a sling, give baths, all sorts of things. That really is not a good reason.

Your DD may be thriving without breastmilk, but just think - how much healthier could she have been with that extra boost? As I see it, it isn't a matter of whether your child is healthy or not - it's whether your child is as healthy as they can possibly be. Again, not a good reason to decide against breastfeeding.

The best advice I ever got was to read as much as I possibly could before giving birth. One of the biggest causes of unsuccessful breastfeeding is lack of knowledge. Know the possible problems, how to prevent them, and how to fix them before you need to - that way if you have any issues you can get them solved sooner.


sassytasha
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:20 AM

well congrats on the bun in the oven momma.  and it is perfectly normal to be a lil scared at first i was and i'm on #2.  lol .  i was much like you as i was 16 when my first son was born and tried and tried and everyone said my milk wasn't coming in good that i needed to supplement.  god sore cracked bleeding nipples mastiits my expereince with my first son was horrible needless to say he didn't get much bm at all.  well i can honestly say my success with second son can be completely put on this group solely.  no one in my family bf at all so i didn't have anyone to talk to about it but this group.  some of my advice form both expereinces combined to ensure yours is successful is:

1. nurse nurse nurse in the beginning your lil one may want to nurse every 20 mins to every 3 hours let them.  dont' look at the clock though if your lil one is hungry feed them no matter when u just got done.  this constant nursing will ensure that your milk comes in good and quick.

2. know that u DO NOT have to supplement at all.  that is your choice no one should force that on you but once u start supplementing your suplly will go down hill .i wouldn't even conisder that.  with ds2 i made sure that if they gave him anything at all they would be in major trouble.  lol 

3. lanisoh lanolin in the purple tube is a saviour for nipples  get some and use it from day one til your nipples are use to feeding the baby. it is a miralce it really did save my nipples.

4. get a good nursing bra i got mine from jc pennys and love it.  get a nursing gown a love mine form motherhood maternity.  and nursing pads i personally like the disposable kinds lanisoh brand also.  if you ahve inverted or flat nipples u may want o get a nipple shield or a lanisoh latch assist thing you can buy at walmaryt online.

5.  patience you will  need, rest you will need and practice some babys' no how to nurse from the get go others not so much but just take time. 

6.  and if you have any questions no matter how silly you think they may be ask them bc knowledge is power as corny as that sounds. 

best of kluck momma

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Daynaof3
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 3:30 AM

 Congrats on your pregnancy!

My best advice to you to help calm your fears and make a decision that works for you would be to do your researching now. Go out and get a copy of the book "So That's What They're For!" by Janet Tamaro. It's a great little book, easy to read not very long and it's humorous too!

You can do research online too, http://www.kellymom.com/ is a great place to look. In particular they have an article called "Nursing Your Newborn--What to Expect the Early Weeks". http://www.promom.org/ has a wonderful article called "101 Reasons to Breastfeed" that really explains ALL the benefits of breastfeeding to you and your baby.

Alot of moms feel the way you are feeling. It's something you have never done before and don't really know what to expect. Lots of moms hear horror stories about breastfeeding being painful, but not about how breastfeeding becomes a wonderful special bonding time and experience with your baby. The first few weeks can be tough, but with help, encouragement and support those fears will melt away. That's what we are here for!

I agree with the pp that feeding isn't the only way to bond with baby, there are so many needs that babies have and feeding is just one. Dad can bathe the baby, hold the baby, sing to baby, change the baby, do skin to skin contact with the baby. The only thing dad won't really do is feed the baby. I would suggest that if you do pump so dad can feed baby that you wait to do that until at least 3 weeks, and if you do offer a bottle that it's wide base and slow flow. It's important that if you offer a bottle that you pump for that feeding. 1 bottle every once in awhile probably isn't going to cause you any trouble. Maybe that's something you can explain to dad, that eventually you can feed the baby once in awhile once breastfeeding is well established.

Breastfeeding isn't was causes the changes in your breasts, pregnancy does. Whether you breastfeed or not they will change. As for your mom, most women have a size difference between breasts even before having children. If she was "lopsided" from breastfeeding once she stopped nursing they would have returned to what they were going to be. If you have an issue with "lopsidedness" there are ways you can even things out while breastfeeding, but the size difference is not a permanent thing.

I hope that helps you make a decision that works best for you and your little one-to-be. I really hope you do decide to breastfeed, and we will be here to encourage and support you 100%!

 

gdiamante
by Gina on Jan. 18, 2010 at 12:47 PM
Quoting NIKopotamous:
 But I'm terrified. I'm scared it will hurt,
No worse than childbirth.
I'm scared it will mess up my boobs (my moms are permanently lopsided from BFing my lil sis),
You've already had a baby...your breasts got their permanent damage. PREGNANCY is what does it. And since you're having a second baby...look to look like mom whether or not you nurse. Sorry.
I'm scared baby won't latch, I'm scared I won't be good at it...And after all that, I'm discouraged. I know I have a ton of time to really decide...and I know the benefits FAR outnumber the discomforts...

And my DH isn't being very helpful. He doesn' want me to breast feed. He says it's ok, if I chose to, but he would prefer that I didn't. His reasoning is that DD is one of the healthiest children we know, one of the biggest, and very smart...so obviously she is thriving without BFing...and that if I BF he won't be able to feed her and get that Daddy bonding and he will miss that. He actually WANTS to get up in the middle of the night to feed the new baby.

FEEDING AIN''T BONDING. There's another post here wiht my annual rant on bonding...bonding is merely BEING THERE. For your entire life. Screw that up and it doesn't matter who fed the baby. Get it right...and it still doesn't matter who fed rthe baby.

Who feeds the baby is utterly unimportant as far as building family ties.

It just makes the decision that much harder.


I'm just scared. I've tried talking to a lactation consultant (a few, actually) and I just felt more confused and scared afterwards. They made me feel like I didn't take care of DD properly because I FFed her, and they made me feel like my body isn't really MY body, it's the baby's body...Which is NOT want I wanted to hear...

Does anyone have any advice?

Dont see those LCs again. And forget about what you did or did not do in the past. Doesn'tmatter.

Go pick up a coipy of "So That's What They're For!" by Janet Tamaro.

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