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Wow, this is so sad....'Breastfeeding Kills Marriages'

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:44 AM
  • 89 Replies
copied from newcomers post



The science section of The New York Times recently featured a lengthy study on breast-feeding and its benefits. Breast-feeding, the study found, helps reduce the chances of infection, cold, diarrhea, illness, and even later childhood obesity. No one argues with any of these benefits, but what the report neglects to mention, and what I have personally witnessed when counseling couples, is how breast-feeding can come between a husband and wife.

One of the episodes of "Shalom in the Home" this season featured a young couple in Pennsylvania who were madly in love when they married, but had slowly drifted apart after the birth of two children. Indeed, a Harvard University study maintains that a couples' love life decreases by 74 percent in the first year after the birth of a child. Now, given that sex is nearly dead in the American bedroom anyway, with national sex rates in marriage figuring at about once a week, a three-quarters decrease means that sex takes place once every few months—sparse pickings indeed.

With this particular couple, the situation was even worse. Their sex life had died completely, and one of the main causes was the mother's obsession with breast-feeding well into the child's eleventh month. The baby was attached to his mother like a limb, and he even slept with her every night, consigning her husband to a different bedroom.

I told the mother that in being so devoted to her son, she had committed the cardinal sin of marriage, which is to put someone else before her spouse, even if that someone is your child. Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh.

In my book "Kosher Adultery," I make the point that infidelity is primarily a sin of omission rather than commission. It is not the bad thing you do that destroys a marriage, but all the good that you fail to do, preoccupied as you are with a sinful relationship that diverts your attention away from your spouse. Similarly, with the example of breast-feeding, a wife who spends a year giving all her emotional and physical affection to the baby has left her marriage a barren wasteland, bereft of romance and affection.

Obviously, breast-feeding is not the same as carrying on an extramarital affair. But when a mother gives her breasts to her son and takes them away from her husband, the effect on the marriage can feel the same.

I am surprised that when scientists discuss all the benefits of breast-feeding, they neglect its most negative consequence. If breast-feeding gets in the way of the marriage—if it means that a husband and wife never go out on dates, or that the mother is so tired from always waking up with the baby that she has no energy to ever be intimate with her husband—the child will probably end up worse off, however many colds or bouts with diarrhea he now avoids.

link article:

 I am not raising good children, I am raising good adults.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:49 AM

WOW i wonder what is wrong with these men, i really don't understand it, i come from a culture where breastfeeding is the norm and i have never heard things like this, most people  i know irl breastfeed and co-sleeping has always been normal here. One of my friends breastfed her twins for two years and had them in their bed, her husband was fine with it.

Honestly if breastfeeding is going to destroy the marriage i don't think it was a very good marriage to begin with.

 Throughout the world, there exists a group of women who feel mightily drawn to giving care to women in childbirth. At the same time maternal and independent, responsive to a mother's needs, yet accepting full responsibility as her attendant; such women are natural midwives. Without the presence and acceptance of the midwife, obstetrics becomes aggressive, technical, and inhuman.

Professor G.J. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam


by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:50 AM

Oh, for Pete's sake! They are seriously going to try to blame BF for breaking up marriages? Maybe that counselor is a double agent--working for formula companies on the side! LOL

It's easy to neglect your marriage after you have kids. I know I have! But breastfeeding is not the culprit by any stretch of the imagination.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:50 AM

this guy sounds like he is in middle school.

boy on a swingi love my baaaaaaaaaaaaby Clayton! 11-29-08.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:54 AM

That's ridiculous!  If a husband can't share his wife for a while to rear his kids (breastfed or not) then he's not a very good husband!

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:54 AM

Well, we've had 3 kids in 5 years, and each was breastfed for a you tell me if it ruins a sex life. LOL. 

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by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:55 AM

WOW! This is really disturbing. Breasts were not designed to be a man's play toys!    I agree that if breastfeeding is the distruction of your marriage then you didn't have a very strong marriage before kids.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 11:57 AM

I'm pretty sure that when GOD designed the breast, it's primary purpose is to feed our children, not to just be a scintillating piece of flesh for our spouses enjoyment... thus milk glands...lactation...a newborns instinct to find the breast...all that "extra" stuff HE must have added as an afterthought.... 

Men!  Always thinking of one thing! lol

eye rolling

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 12:00 PM

I had  my daughter 6 months ago and she is bf and a co-sleeper. My sex life with my husband is the same as it was before. Maybe not in the bed, but there are other areas in the house. LOL AND my husband still sleeps in our bed. Our marriage is just fine. Sure, we argue a little bit, but that is normal for couples. ESPECIALLY ones with new babies. Breast fed or not!

The greatest thing in the world is a child!

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 12:03 PM
"Furthermore, I said, her obsession had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh." ew no sorry. it is a cafeteria my baby is feeding in. i cant look at it as a scintillating peice of flesh. as other stated sounds like their maraige was in trouble and to blame it on bf is just silly, sad and pathetic.
by Member on Jan. 18, 2010 at 12:06 PM

I have breastfed both kids still breatfeeding the 2nd one and we have sex almost everyday still so it obviously doesnt affect my relationship.

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