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For anyone who has used some type of ferberizing method.

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:30 AM
  • 34 Replies

I just want to know, how long did it take before your baby was sleeping in his/her own?

I started 3 nights ago, and it was going great until naptime yesterday (she cried for an hour, and nly cried harder when I went in every ten minutes to comfort her. So I gave in and just brought her out of the room to calm her down). Then last night sucked. It took her 30 minutes to fall asleep when before it was only taking her 3 minutes! and then she woke up in the middle of the night and took 20 minutes to fall back asleep again, and then she woke up 2 hours earlier this morning.


Did I ruin everything by giving in at that one naptime? Or is naptime different and is it ok to pick her up after she cries for a long time? I know every baby's different, but I'd like to know everyone else's experience and advice.

Oh, and she's 9 months old. We've been co-sleeping since birth, and she was still waking up 2-3 times a night to nurse, and she was very cranky throughout the day, I was tired of not being able to get a solid amount of sleep, so we said enough is enough, and have been putting her in the pack-n play in another room.


I'm just so frustrated because it was going SO well at first... we were like "Is it really going to be this simple?"  but no... no... if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is. 

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Lilypie
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:30 AM
Replies (1-10):
ladysavage
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:44 AM

I've gotta tell you- the Ferber Method has been criticized for many a year now - and with good reason.

It promotes a very unhealthy sleep association and can leave a baby unhappy and in cases dehydrated and it cases deep emotional damage.

Take your daughter for example - she spent 9 glorious months squished in your lovely warm nurturing belly, and has now spent her 9 months of life cuddled up next to her Mommy and Daddy while she sleeps - feeling safe and loved and attended to.

Now, all of a sudden, the warmth and love seems to have been ripped away from her, she has been left in a crib alone, to which some 9 month old's is very normal -but to your daughter it's a scary new place where not only is she expected to go to sleep by herself without the safety of her mommy and daddy - but when she cries out for help her cries are going ignored - Mommy isn't there anymore and she is alone and scared.

This is just not okay, and really - your daughter needs your attention and love as she falls asleep.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting your space in bed, but leaving her alone to cry is the wrong way to go about helping her sleep - there are many more gentle and affective ways to get your baby sleeping on her own without abandoning her needs.

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SoniaL
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:50 AM

I have not used the ferber method. But I wanted to clarify for my own understanding what you are working towards. Is it sleeping in her own bed, sleeping through the nigh, going to sleep on her own. What is the goal?

Pishyah
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:56 AM

I tried the method with my oldest.  Basically, if you ever show the babe that you will respond when it needs you then you go back to the crying when laid down.  There's a good reason for this, the ferber method slowly teaches you to ignore your mother's instincts and teaches your baby that you don't care.  That sounds harsh but this has been proven over and over.  As a mother to a preschooler (again, I used this method with him) I do NOT suggest it.  Yes, every child is different and there will be people who have had good and bad experiences but the statistics show that this effects a child in a bad way.  Neurological scans even show negative effects while this is being done. 

BatGirl1415
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:57 AM

I think she's smarter than you give her credit for. She knows I'm not going to be gone forever. I'm not abandoning her needs. I go in every 10 minutes to comfort her. It worked great the first few nights! Last night just sucked.

My sanity also is a factor here. Will these other effective methods you speak of, work within two weeks time?

Pishyah
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:58 AM

Just to let you know, also, that there are days where I'm so tired of not having a moment to myself that I think about using this but then I look at how it effected my relationship with my son.  You're not alone in wanting your child off of you or wanting some time to yourself.  Hugs, hun.  Being a mommy is tough. 

Pishyah
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 9:59 AM

Actually, at 9 months, she doesn't know you're coming back in for her.  She's working on learning that she's not a part of you anymore so when you leave her she's scared and confused.

BatGirl1415
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:00 AM


Quoting SoniaL:

I have not used the ferber method. But I wanted to clarify for my own understanding what you are working towards. Is it sleeping in her own bed, sleeping through the nigh, going to sleep on her own. What is the goal?

All 3 really. Mainly sleeping through the night.

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katiemomNY
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:07 AM

I don't know if you're going to find many on this forum who use Dr. Ferber's method, honestly.  

We started a couple weeks ago, and the transition was relatively easy.  The first couple nights she cried for a few minutes, but now I nurse her, put her down awake and she mostly smiles and me and gets settled in without a peep.  

One big difference in our case though is that we never coslept.  She did sleep in her crib in our room though, so we moved her into her own room first and gave her a few days to get used to it before moving on to the sleep training.  Maybe going from cosleeping to being in a pack and play in a different room and sleep training all at once is too abrupt a change for your little one.  

I would suggest if you want to use this method, buy the book and read it through.  In the newer version, he has softened his stance on cosleeping, so you may find it helpful if you would like to continue doing so.  

 

BatGirl1415
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:11 AM

Thank you!

Quoting katiemomNY:

I don't know if you're going to find many on this forum who use Dr. Ferber's method, honestly.  

We started a couple weeks ago, and the transition was relatively easy.  The first couple nights she cried for a few minutes, but now I nurse her, put her down awake and she mostly smiles and me and gets settled in without a peep.  

One big difference in our case though is that we never coslept.  She did sleep in her crib in our room though, so we moved her into her own room first and gave her a few days to get used to it before moving on to the sleep training.  Maybe going from cosleeping to being in a pack and play in a different room and sleep training all at once is too abrupt a change for your little one.  

I would suggest if you want to use this method, buy the book and read it through.  In the newer version, he has softened his stance on cosleeping, so you may find it helpful if you would like to continue doing so.  

 


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Pishyah
by on Feb. 20, 2010 at 10:19 AM

I'm sorry, I missed this part:


 

Quote:

Oh, and she's 9 months old. We've been co-sleeping since birth, and she was still waking up 2-3 times a night to nurse, and she was very cranky throughout the day, I was tired of not being able to get a solid amount of sleep, so we said enough is enough, and have been putting her in the pack-n play in another room.


There's (yet again, lol) a reason she wakes up so often.  She is supposed to wake up to eat, hun.  Breastmilk digests very quickly and she's hungry.  Co-sleeping will be the way to keep getting a good bit of sleep and keep her hydrated and full.  I'm not trying to talk you out of putting her in her own room but she needs to eat to stay hydrated and healthy so you won't be getting a full night's sleep with her in another room.  You'll have to go in there, feed her, let her go back to sleep, then you'll have to go back to bed.  It's much easier to roll over, give her the breast and go back to sleep right there.  She'll nurse and go back to sleep, too. 

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