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A mom to be told me....

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:16 AM
  • 21 Replies

A few days ago I was at the doctor with my daughter (18mths), and there was this pregnant woman there. My daughter wanted to nurse so I nursed her while I was waiting to be called. This woman kept starting at me and I could already hear the whole your baby is to old to nurse comment coming. Anyway she gets up sits next to me and says when did you decide to nurse? So I told her how my mom nursed and how all the women in my family that were able to nursed or shared milk with the rest of the women in my family. I don't think there was ever a I'm gonna nurse my baby moment, it was always a given that I would nurse any baby I had. I've even pumped for and nursed my niece when my sil couldn't. For our family it's always been nursing.

Anyway back to this lady. She tells me she is going to formula feed her baby because she feels pressured by doctors and media to nurse. I asked how she feels pressured and she said she saw one of those breast is best comercials a couple of times and her doctor asked if she planned to breast or formula feed when she delivered. I asked her why she doesn't feel pressured to formula feed because you see formula comercials ever 5 minutes on the tv. She said she always thought formula was just the natural way to go. I didn't want to go into the whole how do you think babies were fed before formula speach so I gave her my card (I'm training to teach mothers how to nurse their babies) and invited her to a nursing circle I am a part of. I really hope she come.

It's obviously not the whole story but it was bothering me and that was the seriously edited version.

I'm posting this though because I find it really sad that women can feel pressured to nurse because of a couple of questions but think it's "natural" to formula feed.


by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
eviesmom453
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:19 AM

Honestly, I don't know why you care what she thinks, or does. I think you need to just relax and not get so worked up about it. Her body, her baby, her choice!

SillyRooster
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:22 AM

I think it's cool that you care enough to educate someone that took an interest and is clearly misguided.  You go girl!

Bennett121
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:22 AM

 I don't think that is the real reason she isn't bf. She propably hasn't been exposed to it, and it is foreign to her. The "pressure" bit, I don't buy it.

SoniaL
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:23 AM

Well, personally I FF my first 3 kids and now am BFing my 4th. I WISH someone kind, caring and compassionate had encouraged me to BF my other kids. I regret not doing it.  The girl came to her and I believe she was still trying to figure out WHAT to do even though she said she had decided to FF.  I see nothing wrong with wanting to encourage someone to BF. Especially when many don't due to misconceptions or lack of knowledge (like me).

Quoting eviesmom453:

Honestly, I don't know why you care what she thinks, or does. I think you need to just relax and not get so worked up about it. Her body, her baby, her choice!


ChrystalGreene
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:44 AM


Quoting SillyRooster:

I think it's cool that you care enough to educate someone that took an interest and is clearly misguided.  You go girl!


same :)

gdiamante
by Gina on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:57 AM

This is jhust another variation of looking for an excuse. You handled it very well.

eema.gray
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:01 PM

Did you notice the part where OP said her job is **working with women to teach them how to nurse???**  It's her JOB to care.  That's what she gets paid to do.  Besides, the lady APPROACHED OP of her own volition.  I'm normally a live and let live sort of person but in this case, OP has every reason TO care.

Quoting eviesmom453:

Honestly, I don't know why you care what she thinks, or does. I think you need to just relax and not get so worked up about it. Her body, her baby, her choice!


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Erika2408
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:07 PM

Well I think its cool that you invited her to learn a little more on the whole breastfeeding issue...I hope she takes you up on your offer and at least tries it. Its kind of a lame reason to not breastfeed, but then again I didn't even try with my first. And if I would have known then what I do now I would have at least gave it a try. I think the whole Idea to new moms is kinda scary in a way. But i'm looking forward to trying to nurse this time.

MotherofIreland
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:11 PM

Although many women in this group have experienced negative reactions to breast feeding, many more have experienced negative reactions to ff.  I have heard many times of women scoffing at others who are bottle feeding their infants.  When you peruse "Answers" and women ask why formula isn't prescription only and berate those who chose formula for the "wrong" reasons and then you get poor women who go through hell to try to nurse only to state that they "failed" and "will never forgive themselves" for giving their child formula, you know something needs to change in the dialogue that is occurring. 

The woman was probably a product of this and lack of family support.  I commend you for giving her what you could to try to change her mind. 

Again, we need to be careful when having these conversations with not only mothers-to-be but those who are ff AND nursing.  I remembering reading a comment by a woman who hates to get "kudos" when she's nursing her child because it reminds her of the piss poor attitudes formula feeding mothers have to endure.  Yes, many have been harassed for nursing but they usually aren't demonized like those who choose to formula feed. 

jvfierro
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:43 PM


Quoting Bennett121:

 I don't think that is the real reason she isn't bf. She propably hasn't been exposed to it, and it is foreign to her. The "pressure" bit, I don't buy it.

Absolutely it has nothing to do with pressure. As far as not being exposed to it and it being foreign? That is no excuse either. I had never seen a breastfeeding mother or had anyone talk to me about it before my first was born. I just felt that it was the right thing to do. Some women have been so predisposed to go the other way that they don't realize that breastfeeding is natural and best. Some woman at my husband's work offered some formula coupons to him. When he told her that we didn't need them and that I was breastfeeding, she showed utter disgust and said how wrong it was. (Another co-worker took her for a walk and seriously set her straight!)

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