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What is wrong with me *update*

Posted by on May. 26, 2010 at 4:20 PM
  • 12 Replies

 I have always been the one in my family that has loved kids no matter what. I always watched everyones kids, still watch my nieces since they were born (now they are 3 1/2 and 22 months). I feel like all of my patience has run out now that I have my own dd. I get so irritated and frustrated when she  crys or doesn't go to sleep when she is supposed, and especially when she doesn't nurse and even sometimes when she wants too at a time thats not usual. I know schedules are always changing but, i am feeling almost resentful towards my own dd, and my nieces for that matter. I am so irratated i dont know what to do with myself. I find myself crying more and more. My SIL is not much help and never has been, I was the one that helped her take care of her girls when they were born. My DF lives 5 hours away from us, and when we move there he won't be much help anyway he is gone at work/school from 7am - 945 monday-friday. I don't know what to do anymore or what is wrong with me... I know its normal for our kids to make us crazy, but for me to feel like I do and resentful, I dont think this is normal?  Don't get me wrong I love my DD to death, but its like when things are good they are really good, but even when things are a little bit bad, it feels like they are horrible then I have a hard time calming down. So I will lay my dd down in her crib with her mobile on or put her in her exersaucer and try to take a break, but I hear her crying and feel horrible and I just cry myself..

 I know I am rambling, I hope that how I am feeling makes sense and anyone can offer advice.. I am at a loss of what to do with myself and how I am feeling anymore..

-Megan


I went to my ob/gyn yesterday and after making him and his medical assistant cry, while I am telling them how I feel, like I explained above last week.. He decided that  to prescribe zoloft at 50mg a day, And he also wants me to meet with the LC here bc he thinks alot of my anxiety and depression stems around bfding. Based on that I thought I would see what you ladies thought. The reason for this (I think) is b/c Natalie, my dd, is 6 months old and still nurses every 1.5 -2 hours and now that we are about to hit a growth spurt she nurses just about every 45 minutes sometimes a little longer or less time in between. I nurse on demand and I block feed.  I drink mothers milk tea and eat oatmeal before and during growth spurts to ensure my supply is "bumped up." I know pumping output means nothing for supply however I know I have plenty, when I can nurse then pump immediately after and still get 5-6 ounces. Another reason for my Dr. wanting me to talk to the LC is I feel resentful towards Natalie during her nursing sessions, especially when they are at a different time then normal.. Its on of those when it's good it's good things, but when its bad its really REALLY bad. There is never a middle ground. My problem with this is if it's the LC I am thinking of she is no help, and  I would rather wait until I move to Reno this weekend and talk to the girls in the LLL group I plan to join there. Any thoughts or ideas? Or if you have any questions please ask and advise away. I need all the help/advice/support I can get! 

TIA 

Megan

CafeMom Tickers
by on May. 26, 2010 at 4:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on May. 26, 2010 at 4:28 PM

Sounds like you have PPD and are stressed out too.  PLEASE talk to your doctor about this.  Even if just some counseling and maybe going to a support group like LLL would help, but either way this sounds like PPD and you should get some help for that.

Megan6432
by on May. 26, 2010 at 4:33 PM

 

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Sounds like you have PPD and are stressed out too.  PLEASE talk to your doctor about this.  Even if just some counseling and maybe going to a support group like LLL would help, but either way this sounds like PPD and you should get some help for that.

 Sadly there is not a LLL group anywhere close to where I live currently. I do have an appointment with my dr tuesday, I will be sure to bring it up to him.  I have brought it up to my ob/gyn before and at the time he did not want to prescribe any meds. That was 6 months ago though, and going for walks daily did help, but clearly are not anymore.. Are meds my only other alternative at this point?

tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on May. 26, 2010 at 4:37 PM


Quoting Megan6432:

 

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Sounds like you have PPD and are stressed out too.  PLEASE talk to your doctor about this.  Even if just some counseling and maybe going to a support group like LLL would help, but either way this sounds like PPD and you should get some help for that.

 Sadly there is not a LLL group anywhere close to where I live currently. I do have an appointment with my dr tuesday, I will be sure to bring it up to him.  I have brought it up to my ob/gyn before and at the time he did not want to prescribe any meds. That was 6 months ago though, and going for walks daily did help, but clearly are not anymore.. Are meds my only other alternative at this point?

NO there are more natural ways.  I am not sure what they are, its info I have never needed myself, but I am SURE many ladies here have the info.  Make a new post...Natural ways to treat PPD while BFing, I bet they will come help!!

gdiamante
by Gina on May. 26, 2010 at 5:07 PM


Quoting Megan6432:

 I have always been the one in my family that has loved kids no matter what. I always watched everyones kids, still watch my nieces since they were born (now they are 3 1/2 and 22 months).

Oh, yeah. But those are theoretical kids still because they are not yours. Kids are always nice in theory. The reality is something very different.

I feel like all of my patience has run out now that I have my own dd. I get so irritated and frustrated when she  crys or doesn't go to sleep when she is supposed, and especially when she doesn't nurse and even sometimes when she wants too at a time thats not usual.

If you WEREN"T that way, you would NOT be normal.

I know schedules are always changing but, i am feeling almost resentful towards my own dd, and my nieces for that matter. I am so irratated i dont know what to do with myself. I find myself crying more and more. My SIL is not much help and never has been, I was the one that helped her take care of her girls when they were born. My DF lives 5 hours away from us, and when we move there he won't be much help anyway he is gone at work/school from 7am - 945 monday-friday. I don't know what to do anymore or what is wrong with me... I know its normal for our kids to make us crazy, but for me to feel like I do and resentful, I dont think this is normal? 

Only a little off the pale. You've got a bit of PPD going. No, it's not too late for it. See your doc.

Don't get me wrong I love my DD to death, but its like when things are good they are really good, but even when things are a little bit bad, it feels like they are horrible then I have a hard time calming down. So I will lay my dd down in her crib with her mobile on or put her in her exersaucer and try to take a break, but I hear her crying and feel horrible and I just cry myself..

 I know I am rambling, I hope that how I am feeling makes sense and anyone can offer advice.. I am at a loss of what to do with myself and how I am feeling anymore..

-Megan

 

Go see your doc. Antidepressants ARE safe and right now you need one.

jconney80
by Bronze Member on May. 26, 2010 at 5:16 PM

It sounds like you do have PPD. I suggest calling your local health department and seeing if they have behavioral health services. I had PPD very badly after I had my DD 7 yrs ago. I went to the health department near me and started counseling. They only charged me based on what I made so it was very affordable. I started going to a depression group. It helped tremendously to just be able to see other people like me and to talk about it. I really suggest this. I regretted taking so long to get help with my DD. You can do this! It is a LOT different to watch other people's kids than to deal with your own. Don't beat yourself up over it! It is a huge transition to have a baby. You no longer have your own time for anything. BUT this is the sweetest time and you deserve to enjoy it.

Megan6432
by on May. 26, 2010 at 8:50 PM

Thanks mamas.. My mom has been telling me that I have had PPD from the beginning, however when my Ob waived passed it like it would go away I have been telling myself there is just something wrong with me. I know that I am and have been stressed, I am about to make a huge move , and don't think I am 100% about it, but it will open up so many doors for me to expand my career. I will have to see what groups (LLL, or depression if needed) are available in Reno.  The only people I know there are my fiances family, who are supportive, but not the kind of supportive you need when your bfding (0does that make sense?) I really don't feel like I have my own time! I can't put her down when she is napping or she doesn't nap, we co-sleep, I have to wait to shower until she is in a good mood. So, yeah, I definitely have no time to myself, unless I get my mom to watch dd so I can go to the store, but even then I am shopping for dd.. ahhh! I definitely do regret waiting so long to ask such a great group of woman though. 

Megan6432
by on Jun. 2, 2010 at 10:43 AM

BUMP!  for an update

gdiamante
by Gina on Jun. 2, 2010 at 11:44 AM

It's possible you have D-MER, then. Antidepressants are still your course of action. If your doc can't figure that part out at least, you need a new doc.

gdiamante
by Gina on Jun. 2, 2010 at 11:48 AM

By the way...resentment of one's child IS a normal feeling. Most moms won't admit to it, but pretty much all of us encounter it. Especially when schedule changes happpen. Kids are damned inconvenient and mess up our lives. If you're a human being, you won't like that.

It's whether you ACT on that resentment in a harmful way, or acknowledge that you feel it and are being selfish and then move on...that truly matters.

Megan6432
by on Jun. 2, 2010 at 1:05 PM


Quoting gdiamante:

It's possible you have D-MER, then. Antidepressants are still your course of action. If your doc can't figure that part out at least, you need a new doc.

I am getting a new doc regardless, because I am moving about 300 miles away from where I am currently. Do I see the LC that was not much help in the beginning still or just wait until I get to where I am going and go to the LLL meeting and talk with those ladies? 

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