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for those who couldn't bf ALL their children

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:05 PM
  • 40 Replies
If you weren't able to bf all of your children,do you feel guilty about it? I didn't have the right resources or support with my first child so I only bf her for three months=(. I have so much more knowledge now with my second and we've been doing great! It just really tears me up that my dd didn't get that from me; especially when my mil said how much of a better bond I will have with my son because he is breastfed. Do you have a better bond with your bf child as opposed to the one(s) that weren't?
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by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mama02040608
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:13 PM
I regret weaning my daughter @ 8 mos.
She was a biter, but I think I also gave too many bottles and solids and shot myself in the foot. I don't think I'm more bonded to any of my kids. I'm happy to still be nursing my 21.5 month old. I think a lot of my choices I made with him were tempered by those I made with my daughter.
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BaByMaMa27
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:14 PM

I DO feel very guilty about not breasfeeding my daughter longer than the WEEK that I did it! I was pathetic & suffered really bad PPD


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DragonRiderMD
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:17 PM

My first wasn't breastfed. He refused the breast; he wouldn't even attempt to latch on from the very beginning, and he didn't even want pumped milk from a bottle. I felt very guilty, and hurt, that that was the case, and for a long time wished I had tried something different, or tried harder. After my daughter was born, we had some issues, but it heartened me that she took to the breast at all, and it actually helped ease the leftover feelings of guilt from the first time around. Yes, I know now for sure that I probably could have been successful the first time if I'd had more resources and help and support and tried harder in general, but it also helped me to realize that there wasn't something about me that was defective, if that makes any sense. Not to mention that what's done is done, and there's nothing I can do about it now.

As for the bonding thing, some women will swear it's true, but I haven't noticed a bit of difference, and my first didn't even have the benefit of a few short months, or weeks, or even days of breastfeeding. He's as much a mama's boy now, at 3 years, as he was when he was a baby, and my daughter doesn't seem to care one way or another, as long as she gets her booby when she wants it. :)

two_dark_eyez
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:18 PM
I wasn't able to breastfeed my second because of her health issues, I pumped for the first 3 weeks she was in the nicu but she wasn't gaining weight. She's now on 28 calorie formula and a feeding pump at night :( It really sucks that I wasn't able to breastfeed
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MamaKalila
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:20 PM

I think a lot of us could prob say that... I know I can.  I kinda regret the way my daughter weaned too... She was older and prob ready.. but I wanted her to completely self wean and we pushed a little because I was 5 months pg and cramping. Found out later it was nothing, but since my midwife didn't call back for a few days (not her fault, mine.. I forgot to tell her my phone went through the washing machine) by the time we found that out she was done... 

But.. she went 26 months, more than we'd planned (by a couple months) and I'm glad she did because we really needed that time.. I had ppd for the first few months and it made things hard with us. Now having a baby that I don't have it with I worry about how it affected me & my daughter.. you know seeing the difference. So I understand your (OP) worry about in a way.

Quoting mama02040608:

I regret weaning my daughter @ 8 mos.
She was a biter, but I think I also gave too many bottles and solids and shot myself in the foot. I don't think I'm more bonded to any of my kids. I'm happy to still be nursing my 21.5 month old. I think a lot of my choices I made with him were tempered by those I made with my daughter.


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LUVMI4BOYZ
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:20 PM
My 1st I breastfed for 9 mths, 2nd for 6 mths, 3rd for 17mths and 4th for 21 mths......I don't feel n e closer r less bonded with n e of them...
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MotherofIreland
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:24 PM

I only BF my DD for 3 months also.  I do not feel guilty but wish it had went much different.  I was naive/ignorant and stressed out.  I was working full-time and working through the emotions of having my infant in daycare. 

I don't know if I have a better bond with my son than my daughter, but I do know what my son does all day because I am with him.  I also baby-wear much of the time.  So I am spending much more time with my son but I don't know if I am closer to him or if I would credit the breastfeeding. 

Dina6742
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:31 PM
I made it a year with my ds but this time at 4m with my dd and am trying to make it a year but am unsure if I will be able to. I have psorisis and its getting really bad but I do want to make it a year like my ds. I feel really guilty and I haven't even stopped.
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huntannakay
by on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:32 PM

I definatly felt different when I bf'ed my daughter.  It's hard to explain.  Yes, I guess I could call it a stronger bond, but that doesn't mean I love my other 3 kiddos any less.  With my first, the bf'ing experience was so horrible ( due to low support, being a first time Mom, having a lousy latch and horrid nipples due to it, and "baby blues").  I never even tried w/ my other 2 girls after my first negative experience.  Now I do feel guilty for not even trying w/ my other lo's.  I've thought about this off and on through out these last 3 months of nursing.  I think nursing allowes a closeness w/ your child.  Something that no one else can give him/her so therefore the "bond" is there.  I know ff'ing Mom's say there is a bond there too, which I agree w/ but I think almost every Mom has a God-given bond w/ their child.  Nursing increases this bond given though.  Not sure if that makes sense.  I'm trying to explain it to the best of my abilites.....sorry about the ramble.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Admin -Tabitha on Jun. 26, 2010 at 11:34 PM

My oldest got 12 weeks my 2nd got 2 weeks EBf and 5 weeks of some BM, my 3rd was EBF and still BFs at 38.5 months and I am at 8 weeks with the 4th.

I do feel bad about my older 2 BUT I know that when I knew better I could do better.  I did the best I could do with the info and support I had.  When you know better you do better....and I did and still do!

I did pump and give my other children some BM when I had it to give.

Bond wise...nah it was personaloty that bonded me better with my 3rd child but my oldest is a MOMMAS boy and he only got 12 weeks

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